Just told my husband I hate him and he makes me unhappy

[justventing21]

It seems like lately we are constantly fighting.

We went shopping earlier and I really tried to stay patient. I followed him for about an hour, looking at tools etc. Even though we had mainly gone for food.

Anyway at some point I said, we should buy food now come on let's get on with it. He got annoyed and wanted to leave.

I left early to wait in the car, when he got back, he called me stupid as I left the lights on while waiting in the car. I had only waited 10 minutes and the battery wasn't going to go flat that quickly.

He then berated me about what a nightmare I am to shop with. I said I really tried to be patient and we were in there for over an hour. I'm pregnant so I was anxious as there were a lot of people. I said, I really tried my best. To me we were coming for food and not for a three hour jolly.

Anyway he kept going and I said he's always complaining about going shopping with me etc and that he's so negative. Things escalated and we came to a long stretch of road and he just hit the accelerator really hard and started driving really really fast. He does this sometimes and I absolutely hate it and go ballistic every time he does it.

But it felt worse because it was done in anger and I'm also heavily pregnant. So I screamed for him to stop and he told me to just shut up you psycho.

I then just completely lost it and told him I hated him and he doesn't make me happy and I hate spending time with him.

I know that's really harsh, but I was so so angry he had done the speeding thing. We have a fast car and it's really scary, I hate it so much when he does it.

Now he's not talking to me and I'm not talking to him and he said he's not apologising and I've crossed the line. I'm just so tired.

and of course that's where our problems start, because I barge in and go nuts on him and then he goes equally nuts back. So it creates a toxic atmosphere between us.

So this ‘barging in and going nuts, and him going nuts back’ - this is at night time? When your DD wakes?

You’re both screaming / shouting at each other?

In the middle of the night? In front of your daughter?

And you think she’s not affected by that……? You describe it yourself as a ‘toxic atmosphere’, just FYI.

@LoveGrooveDanceParty

and of course that's where our problems start, because I barge in and go nuts on him and then he goes equally nuts back. So it creates a toxic atmosphere between us.

So this ‘barging in and going nuts, and him going nuts back’ - this is at night time? When your DD wakes?

You’re both screaming / shouting at each other?

In the middle of the night? In front of your daughter?

And you think she’s not affected by that……? You describe it yourself as a ‘toxic atmosphere’, just FYI.

For what it's worth. She'd settled down, both doors were closed and we had a short quiet shouting match, as to not wake her up again.

Kind of like aggressive whispering :

' why the hell can't you for once get up and check on her ? '

' oh shut up and leave me alone '

' you're a complete dickhead '

' get out '

The end.

So he gives no excuse for just laying there? Does he ever get her?

@NataliaSerene

So he gives no excuse for just laying there? Does he ever get her?

Not in the night. Sometimes at bed time he will check on her or at nap times.

Today he did the entire nap time. He even brought her up for a nap and then changed her nappy and took her back down when she woke up. It was really nice. Sounds so minor. But it makes a difference. And I was able to shower not during nap time, but after. So was able to rest during nap time and not do other stuff !

Today he did the entire nap time.

Presumably she was asleep for almost all of it.

He even brought her up for a nap and then changed her nappy and took her back down when she woke up.

Wow!

That’s good and yes the little things make a huge difference.

We thank each other a great deal in our house - for things the other person should absolutely be doing. I’d tell him you appreciate him being such a good daddy after he does these little things.

I’d also ask during a quiet time when things are ok why he doesn’t get up when she cries. “I need you to take turns with me. I’m sick and carrying our baby. I know you are tired also, and that we are both just spent. Can we come up with a reasonable division and to figure this out before the new baby comes along? It’s not likely to get easier.”

@DrSbaitso

Today he did the entire nap time.

Presumably she was asleep for almost all of it.

He even brought her up for a nap and then changed her nappy and took her back down when she woke up.

Wow!

Hahahaha thanks that made me laugh.