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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

14 yrd old son can't tie shoelaces

286 replies

13yearslater · 23/12/2021 00:27

...Or tell the time on a normal clock.

He can barely ride a bike (bought him a lovely squishy bike three years but he's not interested)

He won't brush his teeth or shower without a fight.

He got 2 hundred quid in birthday money a month ago and has blown the lot on gaming games.

He steals from me.

OP posts:
LittleRoundRobin · 23/12/2021 00:31

What's your AIBU? Confused

EmergencyHydrangea · 23/12/2021 00:34

Has he been tested for dyspraxia?

LeopardPrintTits · 23/12/2021 00:34

Shouldn’t you have taught him how to do most of those things? And also taught him how to be financially responsible and not to steal?

YABU

2021s · 23/12/2021 00:36

Sounds like he has issues that need addressing. You need to sort it out

spotcheck · 23/12/2021 00:38

I s'pose yanbu?

Not sure about what though

Original poster
13yearslater · 23/12/2021 00:39

I have done my utmost to teach him these things. He's not interested.
He gets money? He spends it. Immediatley.
My AIBU is, .... to involve social services as when things don't go his way he lies down in his bed and says he wants to move out.

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 23/12/2021 00:40

Sorry, you want to involve social services because your 14 year old is lazy and can’t do things that, let’s be honest, you should have taught him seven years ago? What do you think they’re going to do? Take him off you?

SignOnTheWindow · 23/12/2021 00:41

Have you discussed these issues with a professional yet?

Original poster
13yearslater · 23/12/2021 00:41

I'm at my wits end with him.

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 23/12/2021 00:42

Have you considered ADHD as a possible cause of his difficulties?

SignOnTheWindow · 23/12/2021 00:43

Sorry, that was blunt! It does sound like there might be some SEN issues there.
You sound stressed, op. Are you OK?

HeddaGarbled · 23/12/2021 00:43

Talk to his school. This sounds like a learning disability. He needs an assessment and support.

Grimchmas · 23/12/2021 00:43

What does school say? You must have discussed it with them.

user1473878824 · 23/12/2021 00:44

A lot of teenagers burn through money. They’re teenagers, not 35 year olds thinking about retirement. I think I spent a lot of 14 yelling about how I couldn’t wait to move out and would be leaving the second it was my 16th birthday. A lot of teenage boys seem to need to be reminded where the shower is.

Is there a huge backstory here to why you’ve said he can’t tie his shoe laces so should you call social services?

POPGoesTheBandit · 23/12/2021 00:45

Sounds like my ADHD diagnosed 14 year old.

Original poster
13yearslater · 23/12/2021 00:45

I have tried everything in the book to teach him such simple tasks. He says 'I am a child of the digital generation' then gives me silent treatment.
He will NOT brush his teeth.

OP posts:
santaclothes · 23/12/2021 00:46

ASD could also be a possibility

LonginesPrime · 23/12/2021 00:48

I have tried everything in the book to teach him such simple tasks.

Right, so it's clear there is some kind of learning difficulty going on, then - how does he cope at school?

Original poster
13yearslater · 23/12/2021 00:49

@user1473878824

A lot of teenagers burn through money. They’re teenagers, not 35 year olds thinking about retirement. I think I spent a lot of 14 yelling about how I couldn’t wait to move out and would be leaving the second it was my 16th birthday. A lot of teenage boys seem to need to be reminded where the shower is.

Is there a huge backstory here to why you’ve said he can’t tie his shoe laces so should you call social services?

He doesn't yell. He goes silent. And says he wants to move out and can I find him a family to live with.
OP posts:
Hairyfriend · 23/12/2021 00:50

What specialist/support/investigations has he had in the past 14 or so years? If this is really a medical problem, surely issue arose many years ago? Has the school mentioned issues to you?

LonginesPrime · 23/12/2021 00:51

Are you telling him these tasks are simple?

Because if he isn't getting them as a result of SEN and is constantly being told that everyone else finds them easy, he's probably feeling rather rubbish about himself. Which might explain the silent treatment and his wanting to leave.

sandgrown · 23/12/2021 00:54

School only suggested that my son may have undiagnosed ADHD when he was 15. He took ages to learn to tie shoelaces!

HeddaGarbled · 23/12/2021 00:55

Picking which posts to respond to.

Ahem ……. school?

Original poster
13yearslater · 23/12/2021 00:55

He hasn't got a learning difficulty. He's doing very well at school. He is obsessed with gaming. He'a bisexual. (He insists - and if I say anything gentlwe about this he gets angry)

OP posts:
santaclothes · 23/12/2021 00:58

@13yearslater

He hasn't got a learning difficulty. He's doing very well at school. He is obsessed with gaming. He'a bisexual. (He insists - and if I say anything gentlwe about this he gets angry)
What has his sexuality got to do with it Confused