Why men always quickly bring out their wife or girlfriend in a non personal conversation

[SophieHasOneQuestion]

Not every time but enough for me to ask the question.

I never bring up my boyfriend up in a conversation with almost strangers. Especially the conversation is not personal at all, why?

I was not flirtatious (wearing an oversize black coat and no makeup.) - in case someone asks.

It’s hard to understand without context of the conversation🤷🏼‍♀️

It's because they want to. And they see conversational boundaries differently to you, which is ok

(Well generally ok - if they are citing DP in a work issue, unless said DP is also a subject issue, it's a bit off. As is dropping in that the DP doesn't understand them)

Not something I have ever noticed, as in no more or less likely to bring up their spouse / partner than any woman I have spoken to.

Probably because men are seen as predators and they think it makes them appear less predatory

Huh?

You might need to elaborate OP

It depends on the conversation, may need more context to decide if unreasonable. I talk about my husband if it's relevant to the conversation, husband and/or kids tend to be the last people I've seen prior to conversations with a stranger so they would be at front of mind perhaps.

Do you thinkthese men bring up their wives to ward you off? To make it clear to you they’re off limits? And you’re offended by that, and you’re not interested in them anyway because you already have a boyfriend?

I've never noticed this.

I’ve always felt it was more the other way round. Playing down the fact that they have a wife or girlfriend to give the “illusion” that they’re single

Don’t know why men do it, but it’s something I usually drop into any one on one conversation I have with a man I don’t know very well. It’s also a very long time since I suddenly realised someone was about to come on to me, or a conversation went in a direction I was uncomfortable with. Boundaries, innit. Set them out early and nobody needs to be explicit, or get embarrassed or humiliated or in an uncomfortable situation. If someone is straight forward and has no agenda, they understand and don’t take it personally.

I don't think I've noticed this as a gendered thing. Some people of either sex are more likely to reference their partner or children in an impersonal conversation, others aren't.

@givethatbabyaname

Do you thinkthese men bring up their wives to ward you off? To make it clear to you they’re off limits? And you’re offended by that, and you’re not interested in them anyway because you already have a boyfriend?

Yes, this is what I felt - it is unnecessary as it was a conversation has nothing related to family. I only bring up my boyfriend up when someone is very forward and I need to give a clear hint. But I was absolutely not, that's why I felt a bit offended.

By the way, today's conversation (less than 5 minutes) is about certain painting skills (I paint and the guy, who is very friendly, is a local artist.)

Well that's one example but it happens a lot?

Or at least enough for you to ask the question?

I do think that's fairly unusual.

I've experienced this. I've been in work situations, definitely not flirting (not least because I'm married, but also because I'm WORKING) when men start mentioning their wives for no reason I can fathom.

Friendly, not flirting. It's a way of saying 'I'm not hitting on you' without saying it.

Because they think they are irresistible and don’t want you to have your heart broken by realising too late that they are already spoken for.

@Mybalconyiscracking

Because they think they are irresistible and don’t want you to have your heart broken by realising too late that they are already spoken for.

I think @NeverDropYourMoonCup's explanation is more likely.

Perhaps those who do it, do it to make it clear they're not hitting on the woman.

nope not really noticed it - if its happening a lot, then it might be you?

Maybe you are giving off a 'too interested' air?

I know DP does this but the absolute truth is he is social awkward when not working specifically (as in he would be like this if he bumped into a work colleague in tescos ).

This sounds awful but we are by choice insular so our main interaction is each other (we are not one of those who can't do things alone far from it...but we are both introverted so he will go to the shops or out alone as I will but neither of us enjoy spending time with people so we don't have a wide social network). He will latch onto the one thing he feels might create common ground and mention me. Or it really will be because I'm the main person he has spoken to for a few days.

It's not that he thinks anyone is flirting (really....DP wouldn't know flirting if it took the form of a brick being thrown at his head).

Some people are just very insular so they mention the only person they interact with mainly and that may be the partner.

@Mybalconyiscracking

Because they think they are irresistible and don’t want you to have your heart broken by realising too late that they are already spoken for.

yup - or thats

@NeverDropYourMoonCup

Friendly, not flirting. It's a way of saying 'I'm not hitting on you' without saying it.

I appreciate the friendly/considering element, but can men and women just have a pleasant conversation that has nothing to do with "I am hitting on you", this apply to both sides.

TBH it's difficult to say whether YABU unless you post what the actual conversation was, word for word.

I was not flirtatious (wearing an oversize black coat and no makeup.) - in case someone asks.

Flirting isn't about the clothes you're wearing.

My DH does this. It's definitely a way of setting boundaries so others know he is friendly but not flirty as pp said.

@NandorTheRelentless

nope not really noticed it - if its happening a lot, then it might be you?

Maybe you are giving off a 'too interested' air?

What is this "too interested" air?

I talk to both gender the same, I am (at least try to be) polite, smiley and engaging in a conversation. I am interested in the topic, not the person.