Embarrassing shit your kid has done?

[Coughly]

My son (11 months) apparently now finds it hilarious to "cough". It's a fake cough, but he thinks it's awesome and does it repeatedly now to anyone we see. As you can appreciate, in the current climate it's obviously not great! 🤦‍♀️ I think it started when he had an actual cough a few months back and he realised it got him attention when he did it!

I've heard friends horror stories of their toddlers/young children pointing out a stranger's spot or equally awkward things! Anyone got any stories to lighten up our Tuesday?

I once had to hand back a pair of furry handcuffs to a parent at hometime.

Queued for ages in a loo in a posh department store with DD then aged 5. We had recently had a conversation about periods and sanitary towels (although she got her words mixed up and called them majesty towels). I had got a period pain and had one of those self adhesive heating pads on the outside of my granny knickers. DD boomed at the top of her voice “why have you got your majesty towel on the outside of your pants?”, so I equally loudly had to explain that it was a heat hung patch. Came out of the cubicle to about 30 grinning women!

I have a friend who has a son in his early 20’s but has pretty severe SN so sees the world how a 5 year old does, which, as she says is mostly absolutely lovely. However this is one thing that absolutely fascinates him and he is VERY vocal about it and that’s when he sees people with dwarfism. His eyes light up and he makes a beeline for them and makes a real scene. Luckily most take it in good part!

I took my dd to ballet lessons. All the other little girls were fully compliant, lovely little things doing exactly as the teacher had asked. My child? Spinning around on the floor which then escalated to licking the mirror! Sooo embarrassing to have to say 'dd! Nooo!!! Leave the mirror alone!'

When my mum took me with her to a visit to the lawyers I asked him if he'd like to be ny new daddy. On another occasion I told him he looked just like Peter Sutcliffe (at that time he was all over the news, I was 3/4)

I then told the very good looking dentist that my mum fancied him......she did and it was said in front of her.

@Ludo19

When my mum took me with her to a visit to the lawyers I asked him if he'd like to be ny new daddy. On another occasion I told him he looked just like Peter Sutcliffe (at that time he was all over the news, I was 3/4)

I then told the very good looking dentist that my mum fancied him......she did and it was said in front of her.

🤣

My 3 year old does that, pretend coughs as loud as possible, only in public, he doesn't do it at home.

I took him into IKEA not long ago and went to the toilets, took him in the cubicle with me and he started blowing raspberries as I was using the toilet, could heard a few giggles from other women in the toilets.

He also pulled his top up and over his head in the middle of Boots and went running off, giggling his head off the whole time, eventually caught up with him after 30 seconds of running in between aisles with various other customers and staff members pointing which direction he went in, always amazes me how quick toddlers can move when they want to, but when you need to be somewhere they walk unbelievably slowly

When my DS was about 2, we were in a park and I got chatting to a man who was there with his daughter. No one else in the park so we were just making small talk. My ds walked up to us and said "is that my dad?" Now considering at the time we were a little family, me and his dad were married, this man looked.nothing like my husband/ his dad , I was just so embarrassed!!! The small talk grounded to a halt and I have never understood where this question came from!

Changing a sanitary towel with DS aged 2 in public toilets - “good job mummy you did a poo” with lots of clapping and then “but poo in toilet next time”

We were at a swimming pool in a family cubicle with lots of open cubicles (and it was very packed) and my DS (4) said in a very loud voice ‘Daddy you have the most enormous Willy’. DH was simultaneously proud and extremely embarrassed.

My toddler shouted “help”!! Really loudly all round Tesco the other day 🙈

Oh gawd. When picking up my eldest from school there were 2 babies we saw everyday. One of my little ones asked me why one was cute and the other was not... Pretty loudly 😑

While with me collecting DS from wraparound at school, 3yo DD stripped off completely naked and ran around the playground at top speed, giggling wildly. I had to catch and restrain her, gather her clothes and retrieve her reluctant brother to the laughter of many, many witnesses. She refused to put her clothes back on, wriggled like an eel and was bundled into the car without much ceremony.

Also, like many military children, person in uniform= daddy. Colonels and generals find this funny. 18yo Privates find it terrifying.

My eldest would do this, but with cyclists. One poor chap actually stopped and said "No, I'm not!" in a very panicked voice.
Ds2 is very good at being an embarrassing pain. He has raided my nappy bag and proudly waved a sanitary towel in the air during a church service. He has also, during a quiet part of another church service, yelled "You're a watermelon - cut up!" at his oldest brother.
Oh that reminds me....
There was a rather enthusiastic guest preacher one Sunday when ds1 was about 4 or 5. He got quite animated and kept saying "Do you want the grace of God? Do you? Do you want it?"
To which ds1 piped up. "I don't."
I tried to shush him, but he just kept up "But I don't want it Mummy, I really don't!"
Rather put the poor man off his stride.

Oh my word I was absolutely mortified recently at a toddler group with my son! One dad was crouching down playing with his baby and had quite a builders butt on display… for some reason my 18 month old went over and stuck his finger in this guys butt crack 😭 Honestly I could have died and from the horrified look on the mans face, so could he!

My mum told me that when I was about 4 I kept falling down the stairs resulting in trips to A and E (clumsy child that I was) so we had a health visitor out to have a chat. The health visitor asked me what my favourite food was and apparently I replied “bones” as that’s what we called chicken drumsticks.

Sorry mum!

@CeratopsofthePharoahs
That reminds me of having to say 'Gentle Jesus' at bedtime... 'suffer me to come to thee'... No way! I knew where Jesus was and I certainly wasn't in a rush to join him. And my lovely Grandma didn't explain that 'suffer' in the prayer meant 'allow', not 'Give me serious pain, Lord'. I didn't know the word 'forbid' either, so thought I was praying 'Gracious Lord, forgive me not'! 🤭 Bedtimes were scary!

@Borracha

DH collected DC from school a few days after his vasectomy and the teacher gave him a knowing look and said he hoped he was 'recovering well.'

In the car, DH asked DC if he had said anything to his teacher about DH's trip to the hospital and DC (who was 4) said 'yes, I told her that the doctor took all the seeds out of your willy so you can't make any more babies because mummy is fed up of us all'

Oh dear!! That made me laugh!😂😂😂

While queuing in a VERY busy Tesco one afternoon, my then 3 year old dd excitedly pointed behind me shouting "Teletubby, teletubby, mummy, look Laa-Laa!". I turned around to see a rather cross looking larger lady in a yellow sundress glaring at me! The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh, but I was mortified!!!!!!

When my son was little (4-6yo) he used to love travelling by train. However every single time we were at any train station he would shout as loud as he could "MAKE SURE YOU STAND BEHIND THE LINE OTHERWISE YOU WILL GET SUCKED OFF".

It used to make me

@StPaulandTheBrokenBones

You win

When mine was about 3, she smacked a lady’s bum getting out of the swimming pool.
In fairness the woman stopped rather abruptly and bent down to talk to her DC.
My DH lived in fear the woman thought it was him!

Ha, my baby went through the fake coughing stage. In fact both of mine did but with my 5yo there wasn't a pandemic on so it was cute rather than embarrassing.

My older son asked loudly why someone was so fat when he was about 3. we then had a chat about why fat isn't a kind word. He's 5.5 now and won't let me call the hungry caterpillar or the high way rat fat when I'm reading the books!

Oh I remembered another. When ds1 was about 16 months I was on a flight with him and there was a guy sitting across the aisle from us who looked a little bit like dh. Ds kept pointing at him and shouting Da-da in such a happy voice and clapping his hands. It was funny the first time but not when it had been going on for 40 minutes I kept trying to distract him but he was a determined baby.

Had another one today at TK Maxx, dc pointing to the lady serving us at the till with very obvious lip fillers: "mummy, look at her lips!!! They're fat like sausages". She laughed nervously and said "yes". I pretended not to hear.