Embarrassing shit your kid has done?

[Coughly]

My son (11 months) apparently now finds it hilarious to "cough". It's a fake cough, but he thinks it's awesome and does it repeatedly now to anyone we see. As you can appreciate, in the current climate it's obviously not great! 🤦‍♀️ I think it started when he had an actual cough a few months back and he realised it got him attention when he did it!

I've heard friends horror stories of their toddlers/young children pointing out a stranger's spot or equally awkward things! Anyone got any stories to lighten up our Tuesday?

Oh god there's so many! Once when out and about on a hot summers day my child announced really loudly 'mummy don't look over there there's a big fat hairy man with no shirt on and it is disgusting'

One of mine urinated into the packed swimming baths from the diving board onto his sisters head

Mine once wrote on the back of the girl sitting in front of her in class....
She was the most well behaved child you could imagine....was SOOO out of character
We bought the child a new school sweatshirt
I was MORTIFIED
She was 7 at the time

@CatsArePeople

Somebody (don't recall who) asked my DS "What does your mum do?" - obviously meaning a job - he replied "My mummy drinks whiskey"

My son thought it hilarious to yell 'fat' at random people in the supermarket when he was very small. He's in his 20s now and still has a quirky sense of humour!!

My (not real) name is Ophelia Jane. In Starbucks, I always give them the name Jane as it's easier than repeating myself twice and then spelling my first name.
Every Single Time, 8 yo DD says, top of voice, "Stop lying Mummy; you're name is Ophelia, not Jane"

Reading @OGenkiDesuKa 's post however, makes me think that I've gotten off lightly.

Dd aged 18 months or so was playing at the edge of the sea in just her t shirt and sun hat. Very sweet. Two old ladies stroll past and stop to watch her. Fond looks, little mummers of "aww" that turned to gasps of disgust as the cherub squatted down and did a MASSIVE jobbie right there. We all watched in abject horror as a wave came and the log was launched.

I have an autistic child with zero filter, zero impulse control and a foghorn of a voice. What she thinks she says.

So you can imagine..

My niece vomited on a guide dog.

Asking everyone if they have a willy. If given the chance will try and have a look to see if they have a willy (my poor SIL).

@Didicat

My DD decided to in reception get dressed in the morning in her school clothes. Dropped her off at school. She was wearing my special “period pants” they kept falling down at school. When I picked her up the Very lovely TA brought them out in a little bag “I believe these are yours?” In front of all the other parents!!!!

Console yourself with the thought that school has never phoned you using the words " could you bring a pair of pants for your child please. She was sitting cross-legged in assembly and we noticed she doesn't appear to be wearing any". I swear reception aged children are just hard-wired to embarrass us.

My niece used to love Madagascar and one afternoon was giving everyone characters names. She said I'm king Julian, baby sister is Marty the zebra, daddy is Alex the lion and mummy is Gloria the hippo because she's fat!

I almost died laughing, fortunately my sister took it well!

@RavenclawsRoar

Dc1 in the middle of a very busy car park at about the age of 2 decided that not only would he physically resist all attempts to get him in his car seat, he would also vocally add to it with "let me go! I don't know you! I DON'T KNOW YOU!!! Where's mummy?" I was so embarrassed and flustered- I was absolutely convinced someone was going to call the police. Luckily I think everyone who saw us (there were a few concerned glances), realised that he was definitely mine as he's basically my carbon copy and I was practically in tears at this point which I doubt is typical kidnapper behaviour

This (hilarious, if unnerving) account reminded me of my dd, aged 2, in a Boots the Chemist major store where there was a display of summer garden equipment. Throwing herself on an plastic covered sun-lounger and burying her face in the plastic, she began to cry and scream 'DON'T BEAT ME, MUMMY! DON'T BEAT ME!' I didn't. I didn't even know she knew the word!

Had a very serious thing going on in the living room with an important person sat on the sofa and darling dearest youngest came running in with a purple and black lace bra over her head, yelling 'Mummy! Mummy! I'm a fly!'

DS2 embarrassed me so many times, I can’t think of all the examples, but one I will never forget is, sitting in a packed Drs surgery, waiting to see the nurse for his immunisations before he started school, I had told a white lie, and said we were seeing the Dr, as I didn’t want to worry him about the injections, so he kept saying in a very loud voice where is Dr White, the silly sod! You can imagine the looks I got.

My husband frequently travelled to War zones as part of his job in television news.We never told the children what he did and he always brought a present for them from the airport.

On open day we saw his book ‘my dad went on holiday to Bayroot. He bort a doll for my sister, a fire injun for me and booz for my mum.’

One day after swimming, my then 2yo announced to the entire changing room (it was at a school, so communal) that "Mummy just did a poo". Mummy hadn't just done a poo at all, but obviously I would deny it if I had, so I just had to not react at all. Thanks child.

@cupofdecaf

Asking everyone if they have a willy. If given the chance will try and have a look to see if they have a willy (my poor SIL).

Oh don't remind me. Had to take DS (who has SN so probably about 5 or 6) into the ladies with me. It was fairly busy He started on about the fact that he had a willie and I didn't so how did I wee. Got him sorted so my turn "DO I have to stay, that's disgusting" followed by more "you don't have a willie do you...what do you have...CAN I HAVE A LOOK".

There were a lot of giggles from the other cubicles and people grinning as I emerged very red faced

@loveablequalities

Dd aged 18 months or so was playing at the edge of the sea in just her t shirt and sun hat. Very sweet. Two old ladies stroll past and stop to watch her. Fond looks, little mummers of "aww" that turned to gasps of disgust as the cherub squatted down and did a MASSIVE jobbie right there. We all watched in abject horror as a wave came and the log was launched.

This is GLORIOUS

@OGenkiDesuKa OMG I am dying here 🤣🤣🤣

At about 16 months pointed at a very large woman wearing pink, said ‘Peppa!’ And started oinking 🙈

Waiting in a packed, but silent GP waiting room with my then 4 y/o DD. She proceeded to let out the longest, loudest fart that had ever existed, and to make the matter worse - this child then RAISED HER HAND, and in a loud and proud voice stated -
"Don't worry everyone, that was just my bum"

I wanted to die there and then.

Teacher showed me this My child's school friend wrote in his school diary

" I had lunch at Little Bazookas today. While  we ate lunch. Mrs Bazooka killed rats with her mop".

Teacher was howling with laughter. Until  I said " Er, actually, yes. I did."

My youngest DS who is 5, obsessed with talking about anything toilet private area to get a reaction. The other day we were walking home with a friend and her son, when he randomly says. “Mummy sometimes my Willy gets big, does Daddies do that too? “ I’ll just mention here I’m
Currently 38 weeks pregnant 😂 Friend looked at my tummy and tried to hide her laughter while
I desperately tried to keep my face straight and answered oh I’m Not sure you’ll have to ask Daddy about that.