Embarrassing shit your kid has done?

[Coughly]

My son (11 months) apparently now finds it hilarious to "cough". It's a fake cough, but he thinks it's awesome and does it repeatedly now to anyone we see. As you can appreciate, in the current climate it's obviously not great! 🤦‍♀️ I think it started when he had an actual cough a few months back and he realised it got him attention when he did it!

I've heard friends horror stories of their toddlers/young children pointing out a stranger's spot or equally awkward things! Anyone got any stories to lighten up our Tuesday?

When I took dd1 shopping. She chose some donuts and declared loudly in front of the supermarket security guard it was like shoplifting. She was 10 at the time
She’s banned from coming shopping with me now.

My 18 month old screaming and pointing at any and all men with white hair... "GRANDAD!"

My dd is 3, recently said in a very loud voice whilst in a cafe, I need a poo and continued to repeat several times. Once she'd be to the loo, again said very loudedly, I've had a poo nanny. Then stopped a lady on the way to the toilet to tell her she had just had a poo.

...this wasn't in public (thank god) but after reading a book about where babies come from in preparation for baby number 3 my 4 year old turned to his 2 year old brother and said "You're just a wiggly egg thing from out of dad's plonker!" ...what a put down!

@OGenkiDesuKa

My daughter told her (very handsome male) teacher all about my hairy Fanny and how I have to sometimes pluck hairs out of my tit. Oh, and how funny it was that mummy grew an actual beard while pregnant with my son. Thanks babe.

Ffs😂😂😂😂😂

DC1 told his whole class (reception) including the teacher and TA that he was going to a wedding in Scotland and mummy was going to call the office to tell them he was ill.

I wasn't expecting him to fib, he must have overheard my "master plan" at some point. Thankfully his teacher and TA both took it in good spirits although they both, separately, delighted in recounting it to me in glorious detail

Dd and her (little sod) mate many years ago with me and generously proportioned mate in the undies selection.We were looking about, they were suspiciously quiet, then they appeared with the biggest bra they sold-one cup on each head and My little angel shouted “look Auntie Bea, I got your bras!” Luckily mate was used to Little Sod and just laughed. Until they started running round the shop telling everyone, “We got mummy’s bras. Our mummies have big boobies.”

@Mysterweepinata

18 month old has started saying ‘clock’ very loudly whenever she sees one except she can’t pronounce the ‘L’ bit 😳🤔😂

Hahaha 😂😂. Our dd age 2 has recently got into play doh but since she can’t say Ls either she’s basically saying “mummy, paedo, mummy, paedo” 😳

@OGenkiDesuKa

My daughter told her (very handsome male) teacher all about my hairy Fanny and how I have to sometimes pluck hairs out of my tit. Oh, and how funny it was that mummy grew an actual beard while pregnant with my son. Thanks babe.

Spat out my wine

😆

On holiday at well know British holiday camp with DD then aged 4...been swimming and took her into the changing room to get dried and dressed. My mum in the cubicle next door and lord knows who the other side.

Getting myself dried and DD pipes up in her loudest voice ever... MUMMY WHY DO YOUR BOOBIES HAVE ORANGE EYES?

Well... All I could hear was my mum screaming with laughter and the person next door cracking up 🙈🙈 I literally ran out of there once dressed and left DD behind with my mum!

DC1 loves to say “Daddy’s got a big Willy, I’ve got a big Willy but (little brother) only has a small one)

He has also taken to saying things about knives - he loves spreading butter and jam on his toast so he runs around saying “I’ve got my knife, I’ve got a big knife”

We were doing a supermarket shop and there was another customer near us who was wearing an excessive amount of leather and a cowboy hat. DS (about 2.5 at the time) spotted him and screamed “ARGHHH A SCARECROW! MUMMY A SCARECROW, QUICK RUN AWAY!!!”
Spent the rest of the shop avoiding said scarecrow, and the eye contact of other customers who had all clearly heard and found it highly amusing

You win! 🤣🤣🤣

@lynntheyresexswappers I was eating twirl bites when I read your story, I laughed and half a twirl bite went down the wrong way and I nearly choked 🤣 hilarious story

On holiday to keep ds amused we brought a fishing line and went crabbing. Ds, put the catch of crabs in a bucket. Dh was walking around carrying the bucket. In a loud voice Ds says my Daddy has caught crabs!

My DD once told our (absolutely lovely) childminder that she (DD) didn't have a winter coat because rats had eaten the sleeves. Childminder told me that she thought I ought to know this because, as she said, "I know she's got a coat, but she might have said it to other people too and she was quite convincing..."

DS1 had to come to a bra fitting with me in M&S when he was 3 (last minute childcare failure). Had the measurement, woman went off to get bras. DS1 VERY LOUDLY "has she gone to get your new boobies Mummy?" I could hear sniggering from the changing room queues

DS2 when he was about 3, also M&S. I tried on a gorgeous maxi dress in brown. He falls around laughing "ha ha Mummy. You look like a poo" (I didn't buy it!)

I've learned my lesson. DS3 (who is now 3) is banned from changing rooms with me!

When I was younger my then-16 year old brother taught our 3 year old nephew to randomly scream "mummy, no, dont get the belt!" in public places. Was a nice surprise for our sister while at playgroup.

Queuing in the post office.
“Look, mummy, a dog!”
Turn to see a woman wearing a fur coat bending down to look at the Jiffy bags.

My son told a lady in a shop that 'mummy did a poo on the floor.'

What?!?!

For the record, I did not, and have never done a poo on any floor.

My sons autistic and pretty much none verbal but decided to use his voice at the supermarket one day ,he prodded a lady and said loudly F A T is fat 😳.
Luckily the lady clicked he had special needs and found it hilarious,she agreed with him and congratulated him on his spelling. Phew

After waiting two hours to see his paediatrician at the hospital I took ds2 who's deaf and autistic shopping. While I was trying something on in the charity shop he got an enormous plastic retro 70s type plastic ring stuck on his finger... The minute he saw me he shoved his hand behind his back. I initially thought he'd stolen something and was hiding it. .... After much persuading he brought his hand out... I nearly blew a gasket..... We pulled and tugged and it wouldn't come off... I was almost hysterical at this point and said to the staff that I'd had two hours in the hospital with him and I wasn't going back... One of the ladies slathered his hand in hand cream gave it a rug and the ring shot off and disappeared under and rack of clothes... I got changed back into my clothes very quickly and it was a long while before I dared go back... When I did one of the ladies remembered us!!!

rug tug!!

My toddler told his uncle and my gran over Skype that ‘DP just has a hairy beard but he shaves it. Mummy just has a spiky bum’ - he means my vagina is spiky but I didn’t wish to explain that to them as it was already mortifying enough 😂

My local chemist had a set of steps in it so to get something that was over the counter I had to leave the pushchair with the kids in it at the bottom of the steps while I stood at the counter near the top.

When I got home I realised why they'd been so quiet.....I had parked the pushchair next to one of those rotary sunglasses displays.....the child in the front had helped himself to about thirty pairs of pricey sunglasses, handed them to the child in the back, who had then put them in the low slung basket underneath.....which I couldn't see into until I took the rear child out of the seat when I got home. About £1000 of sunglasses 😮. I had to take them back, it was very embarrassing indeed.