Embarrassing shit your kid has done?

[Coughly]

My son (11 months) apparently now finds it hilarious to "cough". It's a fake cough, but he thinks it's awesome and does it repeatedly now to anyone we see. As you can appreciate, in the current climate it's obviously not great! 🤦‍♀️ I think it started when he had an actual cough a few months back and he realised it got him attention when he did it!

I've heard friends horror stories of their toddlers/young children pointing out a stranger's spot or equally awkward things! Anyone got any stories to lighten up our Tuesday?

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Also, like many military children, person in uniform= daddy. Colonels and generals find this funny. 18yo Privates find it terrifying.

@lynntheyresexswappers

Waiting in a packed, but silent GP waiting room with my then 4 y/o DD. She proceeded to let out the longest, loudest fart that had ever existed, and to make the matter worse - this child then RAISED HER HAND, and in a loud and proud voice stated - "Don't worry everyone, that was just my bum"

I wanted to die there and then.

Ha ha!! So considerate

years ago when my daughter now well in her 30s was 7 was looking out of the window about this time of year at people going past one evening. there were a lot of folk in fancy dress and she suddenly yelled
' mum look a horny man!'
it turned out it was a man where a Viking style helmet!

My MIL’s friend’s mum had died so I took her a card with my 4 year old to express our sympathies.
On the drive there I was interrogated about death and heaven. I tried to keep it light emphasising the lady was very old and had gone to heaven etc etc. He kept saying and we’re giving them a card? I said yes (his experience of card giving is celebratory). As we walked up the drive he announced that he planned to say “Congratulations!” Thankfully she wasn’t in.

My DS goes to a church school, in yr1 they went to church and had to write about how they felt, it was a slightly embarrassing parents evening when discussing his work and he had written ‘when I’m in church I feel tired, hungry and bored’.

Mine literally just shouted “I’VE GOT BUM WORMS!” In a busy queue.

(She doesn’t, btw)

@Scraggythang

Mine literally just shouted “I’VE GOT BUM WORMS!” In a busy queue.

Bluey fan?

My DS has been a talker since day dot.
Highlights have included passing a very tall lady in the park "mummy, is that person a lady or a man?" And passing a man with a facial disfigurement "mummy, what's wrong with that man's face?". I was so embarrassed and upset that he would hurt someone's feelings (he was only 3 but still, kids are brutal).

During lockdown he'd be 6 feet away from me in the garden and start SCREAMING "Mummy, stop hitting me" (obviously nowhere near him but the neighbours couldn't see that).

And he's cottoned on at the moment to "I want my daddy, he loves me more than you do".
I wonder what I'm doing to get it so wrong?!?!?

I was at the supermarket where a young man was beeping my shopping. He picked up the tampons when my son decided to tell him exactly where I insert them. The cashier was

My dd has autism and speech issues and when he was about 4 he got super excited about going to McDonald’s and shouted really loudly the entire way there “I WANT TITS! I LOVE TITS” - He pronounced chips as tits. We just laughed, it was so lovely to hear him talking even if he did say it wrong

@riotlady yep.

I taught my almost 2-year old son to say “Help me” when he wanted something, instead of just pointing and wailing.
I thought I was sooooo clever.

Then one day I’m trying to clip him back into his buggy as we’re leaving the park (he doesn’t want to go home yet) and he’s screaming HELP!!! HELP ME!!! like I’m bloody abducting him.

at the cat with muddy feet tattoo.

When DD was about 8 months oldish, we were having lunch in a veyyy naice restaurant with a friend and her baby. Two little old ladies were cooing over both of the babies and one of them gently cradled DDs face- so she bit her 😂😂😂

My youngest fake coughs as well

A man was helping us put our shopping in the car (we vaguely know him, he's not a total stranger) and my 4 year old patted him on the stomach and asked 'why is your tummy so big'

After seeing a pregnant lady in a shop, the same 4 year old asked how babies get out. I explained that they usually come out the vagina (trying to keep it simple). And she looks aghast at me and exclaims very loudly that I must have a massive vagina

The same 4 year old also keeps telling people that 'mummy has a baby in her tummy'. I most definitely do not

My DS age 2 - nursery teacher was settling him whilst upset, cuddling him, talking to him and patting his bum. She said he farted so loud, it was smelly and he laughed. I was just a bit when i was told!

My nephew drew a picture for my sister. 4 at the time. Showed it to all staff at nursery proudly and said ‘look, these are my mummy’s big boobies!’ She was beside herself laughing. He was a BF baby until almost 2 and he’s very proud of mums boobs for feeding him 😂

These are honestly so good!

My two year old likes to run around saying "mummy" and then massive fart noises!! He thinks he's hilarious!

First day in Reception 4 year old DD announces to her teacher "My mummys having her period today"

Same DD to the same teacher a few weeks later "Mummys wearing her favourite pants today"

When she went into Year 1 she told the TA "My mummy told me you like chocolate" then a few hours later "I won't share my chocolate with you, you might eat it all like mummy says you do" - I do know the TA personally (she's a friend but DD didn't know her before starting school)

Mummy, Why have you got black hairs in your armpit? At the swimming pool on holiday

Is that a lady or a man ? I wasn’t sure

Look at that mans robot leg mummy- he had a false one of course

Why are you wearing a nappy ? Sanitary pad of course

First trip out after lockdown with ds ,very much used to feeding on demand.
In coffee shop & he started crying. Dd runs over and pulls my top down and announces “ quick give him your boobies”

Mine went around a Slimming World group going . "You're fat", "You're not fat", "You're VERY VERY fat".

Many years ago my eldest daughter had to write about what she would do if she won the lottery. After overhearing me complain about the cost of utility bills and the fact that all of my crockery (pots) were chipped and I needed to buy new ones she wrote that she would pay the bills and buy pot. Around a similar time her class was asked to provide a decoration for the class tree (she never mentioned this to us) she took one of my tampons and hung that on the tree. Teacher removed it at lunch time and she then retrieved it from the bin and re-hung it. I was mortified but now it has become a family story.

I run a Guest House and one evening (pre Covid!) a guest came to my house to ask for something, my then 2.5 year old was having dinner and gazed at this lady in wonder "Those are nice pyjamas" he said, she was a rather posh lady attending a friends wedding in a very floaty striped trouser suit! ...despite the fact n one understood him at that age she did!!

When my daughter was 4 having never ever said this before asked me if she could call into her little friend next door to ask her if she wanted to play in our playroom as they did weekly. My daughter ran up and knocked on the door and said to the mum " hi can my chocolate friend come into my house to play". I nearly died🥺🥺🥺. I also used to be a Childminder and the amount of funny things iv been told. The best one was "backwards do you know my dad has a really hairy willy". While the dad was stood beside me😅😅😅