Embarrassing shit your kid has done?

[Coughly]

My son (11 months) apparently now finds it hilarious to "cough". It's a fake cough, but he thinks it's awesome and does it repeatedly now to anyone we see. As you can appreciate, in the current climate it's obviously not great! 🤦‍♀️ I think it started when he had an actual cough a few months back and he realised it got him attention when he did it!

I've heard friends horror stories of their toddlers/young children pointing out a stranger's spot or equally awkward things! Anyone got any stories to lighten up our Tuesday?

Veeeeery confident child, happy to sing and be heard to sing - even in the middle of a school choir.

One of the songs was When Santa Got Stuck Up The Chimney.

Only what came out, loudly and above all the others, "WHEN FANTA GOT FUCK UP THE CHIMNEY...."

My son announced to everyone in a public toilet that I was wearing a nappy (sanitary pad)

Oh and he's recently started watching Peppa Pig . One of the characters yells 'FOOOOOOG' in one of the episodes so he has started doing it, but being 3 he doesn't quite get the enunciation right so there I am wheeling him around Sainsbury's in a trolley yelling 'FUUUUUUUUCK' at the top of his lungs.

DD and I were walking along, she was about 3 maybe. Our neighbour walked past and she piped up 'is that my Daddy?' Neighbour guffaws.
DH and I are together and have been all her life!

@MarmaladeToastAndAMarmaladeCat

At about 16 months pointed at a very large woman wearing pink, said ‘Peppa!’ And started oinking 🙈

😂😂😂😂😂

My DD was in a martial arts class while my DS (2 at the time) picked out all the dirt from one of the holes that are for fixing goal posts in a sports hall. I couldn't move him as he scremed the place down or would run away. So the lovely kids and instructors just did the class around him...
Honestly I never thought I would be incapable of controlling my 2yo.

Friend’s toddler DS adored currants ( little boxes) and would start shouting at her to get them all the way round the supermarket.
Unfortunately, he pronounced it cu*s. She had to head straight for the dried fruit to minimise the number of times he shouted ‘C*s, Mummy! C**s!’

Took my 2 into La Senza to get a bra - in the changing room heard them sniggering and they had been round the shop pulling all the dummies pants down

1 told his teacher 'my dad is brown but his willy is really black'

Collected one from nursery and one of the female members of staff said something nice as he was leaving. I said 'Oh she's a nice lady' he said really loudly 'hes actually a man' - she wasnt

Oh God theres loads

My granddaughter is nearly 1 and has got the fake cough down to a tee .
My dd aged about 10 had been earwigging on a conversation between me and a friend about piercings well fast forward to a couple of weeks later we are sat in a takeaway place when I walks a man with no shirt on and both nipples pierced , low and behold the darling child shouts at the top of her voice " look mum that man has got his boobs pierced are yours gonna look like that when you have it done " cue lots of sniggered and giggling and funny looks but I did get a smile of the pierced man and got the piercings a couple of weeks later

@OGenkiDesuKa

My daughter told her (very handsome male) teacher all about my hairy Fanny and how I have to sometimes pluck hairs out of my tit. Oh, and how funny it was that mummy grew an actual beard while pregnant with my son. Thanks babe.

@OGenkiDesuKa what I really want to know is whether you were standing there in shocked horror unable to wrestle your DD to the ground within the first three words, when you could hear what was coming. Or whether this was relayed to you word for word by the [very handsome male] teacher? Also, have you found someone else to do the school run and attend all parents events and parents evenings for the rest of your DD’s school career (or at least until that teacher has left the school) while you hide away with the tit tweezers and the hipster beard trimmers but also

picking up Ds from nursery with Dd reception, we usually took a short cut home down a lane. Dd didn't like the lane . One day at nursery she shouted that she hated the "Short Cunt" and didn't want to take it home today.

A large lady was picking up a bag of sugar from a low shelf in the supermarket, she was bent double.
4 year old DS ran up to her, put both his hands on her bum and shouted "I like big butt's and I cannot lie"
I blamed his old cousin.

Pointing at an overweight man standing next to us in a very long queue for ice cream at the beach: ‘Mummy does that man have a baby in his tummy?’

Pointing at the screen during a programme about obese children: ‘Look Granny, they’re nearly as bad as you!!’

Dd1 opened the door of the toilet I was having a wee on in Costa. Problem was the door opened directly into the shop floor. She proceeded to wave and shout until she caught the man sat opposites attention. We both couldn't break eye contact. Absolutely mortifying. I couldn't even stop midstream to try and shut the bloody door. Managed to shut it once I'd finished and thankfully he left by the time I got my nerve up to leave. 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

Aged around eight... DD and friend defaced an entire school reading textbook with obscene captions on every picture.
I have never been more ashamed.

Absolutely creasing reading these.

My son once kissed the top of a bald man’s head at a party. We didn’t know the man.

My kids used to scream "we're all going to die" when we were in the car wash!

Opens the doors of public toilets before I've finished pulling up my jeans

When my kids were little, we were at a family thing at the library. While I was feeding the youngest, my oldest daughter got fully unchanged, (she was four, naked as a jay bird) behind me. She then proceeded to run around the library laughing and wouldn’t let me catch her. Hilarious for her lol

Toddler DC pointed to someone with dwarfism and said VERY loudly 'look, mummy, an elf!'

Same DC also tantrummed in Iceland because I wouldn't let them buy blue WKD.

Years ago when my eldest was about three, I was still in the army. I had to pick some papers up at work, and brought her with me. While I was printing them out, she went up to the 20 year old corporal who was working in the same office and announced to him, "I have a vagina!" He looked at me like a terrified rabbit, poor sod.

Another time I was at church with my youngest daughter when, at a rather quiet moment, she pointed at another little girl and loudly asked "Why is she brown?" She'd met the little girl lots of times so I am not sure what made her notice it at that moment, but she did follow it up with a somewhat charming "Why aren't I brown?"

Ds2 is an absolute walking disaster. There are so many tales of him causing chaos but the most recent was on Sunday evening when we arrived on holiday after a long flight. We were queuing to get through the immigration but at the airport and there was a long, windy queue marked out with posts with retractable strips of material between them. We got to the front of the queue and Ds was mindlessly fiddling with this material when it popped out of the clipper that held it to the post and zipped back into the post before it. When it zipped back in, it knocked the other side of the post it retracted into causing that post to topple and next bit of material to do the same on the following post. We all watched in as the entire queue markers slowly retracted and the posts toppled like dominoes. It was like it was in slow motion and every post landed on the floor with an almighty crash. Immigration lady was not impressed.

Not my kids thankfully but I was present when this happened. My family are all black and we live in a very white part of the UK. Until a couple of years ago we were the only black family in the entire town. In Superdrug with my brother once and a little mixed race boy of probably about 5 was in there with his mum. Little boy keeps staring at my brother and then trying to get his mum’s attention. Mum is trying to distract him, clearly aware he’s about to say something embarrassing. Eventually kid gives up and just walks up to my brother and says “are you my dad? My mum said my dad has black skin that’s like mine but darker so it might be you”. My brother cracks up laughing and tells little boy he’s not his dad and that there are lots of men with skin his colour. Mum apologises and looks absolutely mortified while little boy looks entirely unconvinced that my brother is telling the truth.

My sister was out walking in the park with my niece, aged about 4. Elderly white couple walking towards them with their very dark skinned, mixed race grandchild. DS praying DN doesn’t comment. They had almost got past them when DN punched the air and yelled out “yassss!! Black Lives Matter!” And continued walking while DS wanted the ground to open up and swallow her…