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Original poster

Embarrassing shit your kid has done?

210 replies

Coughly · 21/12/2021 14:15

My son (11 months) apparently now finds it hilarious to "cough". It's a fake cough, but he thinks it's awesome and does it repeatedly now to anyone we see. As you can appreciate, in the current climate it's obviously not great! 🤦‍♀️ I think it started when he had an actual cough a few months back and he realised it got him attention when he did it!

I've heard friends horror stories of their toddlers/young children pointing out a stranger's spot or equally awkward things! Anyone got any stories to lighten up our Tuesday?

OP posts:
Borracha · 22/12/2021 04:02

DH collected DC from school a few days after his vasectomy and the teacher gave him a knowing look and said he hoped he was 'recovering well.'

In the car, DH asked DC if he had said anything to his teacher about DH's trip to the hospital and DC (who was 4) said 'yes, I told her that the doctor took all the seeds out of your willy so you can't make any more babies because mummy is fed up of us all'

Popsicle33 · 22/12/2021 04:23

Most of these are funny, some are clearly made up. Some of these brats sound horrendous!

sashh · 22/12/2021 04:54

My brother and I were born in the late 60s so in the 70s we were quite young.

We were also the only Catholics on the street.

Someone asked my brother what he wanted to be when he grew up, my brother proudly said, "I'm going to be an IRA sniper"

We were stopped from watching the news after that.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/12/2021 06:27

These are hilarious. I really do not remember my dd saying anything embarrassing out in public at all.

Wineisrequired · 22/12/2021 06:46

When my son was at junior school he kept telling people that I’d won the prize on GMTV. I had no idea why lots of parents kept coming up to me saying “ congratulations if anyone deserves to win it you do “

Jalapinot · 22/12/2021 06:48

Not my dc but my parents take great delight in reminding me when, aged about 6 , so sometime around 1988 on a boring trip to Do It All, I decided to go to the toilet using one of the display bathrooms. My dad had to fish out poo and use my mums scarf to soak up the wee. Allegedly. I have no recollection. Blush

Turquoiseandgold · 22/12/2021 06:57

I've said this on a previous thread but when my son was 4 we were at a national trust castle whilst on holiday in the west country. It was quite dark and gloomy in there and there was a very old lady in a wheel chair near to us. My son approached her and touched her arm and asked loudly "is this a real ghost mummy"?

Mammyloveswine · 22/12/2021 08:52

My 5 year old to a random bloke on the metro "scuse me, would you be my new dad?" I mean I'm still together with his actual father..,

EerieSilence · 22/12/2021 09:00

Took DD to work when she was about 8. Had to go to the toilet, left her waiting at my desk.
5 minutes later, while sitting on the toilet I hear a voice: Mom, Mom, where are you?
Here! I answer.
You should have told me you went for a number two!!!!

The surrounding cubicles exploded.

Also on a toilet in a shopping centre: Oh Mom, it's so funny, I no longer have nappies and now you have them!

Overheard on a public transport: Little boy hugging his Mom and saying, ew Mom, your fanny stinks.

RockinHorseShit · 22/12/2021 09:34

Oh mine was a bugger for this when small

To name a few...

Told the homeless guy begging,to "get a wash & get a bloody job & stop thinking you can sponge off people" complete with wagging finger... I had absolutely no idea where that came from & was mortified as I just knew people would think she learnt that at home. She really didn't Blush

Told a random stranger in the street "oh your dress looks beautiful, you look just like a lovely pink bus" Blush

Told the most lovely, most realistic Santa I've ever seen "you just think I'm stupid don't you, why would I believe you're Santa"

Announced to the whole of the poolside... "mum, why do you have spiders in your knickers" then when we hit the restaurant, she decided all the waiters had to know "mum has spiders in her knickers" too. Gawd knows what they thought I had 🥴

FuzzyPenguin · 22/12/2021 09:37

This is very outing sir but hey ho

When DS was 2 he couldn’t pronounce ‘clock’ correctly. On Remembrance Sunday we were in church all silent about to watch a live stream of the Queen laying the wreaths and do the 2 min silence when Big Ben came onto the screen to which my DS excitedly start shouting ‘cock’ never have a ran from a room so fast with him.

BlowDryRat · 22/12/2021 09:43

MIL and SIL x 2 popped round and we were chatting in the living room. 3yo DD appears holding the glittery breast enhancers she'd found in my underwear drawer and proudly shows them to MIL and SILs. They were crying with laughter while I blushed and explained to DD that lots of women have wonky breasts and they make them the same size.

TheHungriestMama · 22/12/2021 10:26

Love these types of threads, and half looking forward to when DD is old enough to come out with all sorts.
OP, we also had the fake cough during covid times, was not ideal especially when out shopping 😭

MintyGreenDream · 22/12/2021 10:31

I've had a shit few days and these have really made me smile thanks

RockinHorseShit · 22/12/2021 10:47

Oh & another...

21/2 yr old DD told the local drag Queen

"Why are you wearing that dress with THOSE shoes" when I interjected with "stop it, he can wear a dress if he wants" she followed up with "yes of course he can,but those shoes look nasty with that dress" proud she was actually so accepting of a drag Queen, not so much that she was now the local fashion police🥴😂. Thankfully DQ thought it was hilarious & asked what shoes she would suggest would look better... thigh boots apparently 😳

MrsColon · 22/12/2021 10:56

DS couldn't say 'stick', it came out as 'dick'. When we were out for a walk, DH picked up a huge stick and was walking along with it, carrying 3-year-old DS, who loudly informed every passing group of walkers that "My Daddy has a BIG DICK!"

DH was smirking and saying, "that's right son!", I wanted to ground to swallow me up!

Buytoomuchonebay · 22/12/2021 11:30

Years ago I took my dd swimming and I’d wrapped her up in a towel while I slung my clothes on

To keep her from screaming the place down while I pulled up my pants we played a game of I-spy but instead of letters we used to use colours

‘I-spy with my little eye something blue’
‘The lockers mummy’

‘I-spy something white’
‘The floor’

Etc

Until I said ‘I-spy with my little eye something brown’
(The bench she was sat on)

Without missing a beat she pointed to the lady next to us
‘Her,mummy!’

We got ourselves a very dirty look…

Bluntness100 · 22/12/2021 11:37

Full doctors waiting room, about forty people sitting in chairs round the four sides, kids toys in the middle. My three year old daughter, in the middle of the room playing, let off the loudest fart known to man, everyone erupted in laughter. She looked at me quizzically and asked loudly.

“Will I do it again mummy”

Which set everyone off again. I was like eh no baby that’s ok.😂

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 22/12/2021 11:47

My eldest, when she was little I was teaching her colours. I was focussing on blue and orange!
We were on a bus and we were pointing out blue cars and orange things.
A woman...with horrendous foundation got on the bus. My Daughter at the top of her voice shouted and pointed...'look mummy an orange lady'
I got off the bus!

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 22/12/2021 11:50

@Bluntness100

Full doctors waiting room, about forty people sitting in chairs round the four sides, kids toys in the middle. My three year old daughter, in the middle of the room playing, let off the loudest fart known to man, everyone erupted in laughter. She looked at me quizzically and asked loudly.

“Will I do it again mummy”

Which set everyone off again. I was like eh no baby that’s ok.😂

Oh this had reminded me of another. In Drs waiting room, DD liked reading everything in sight. She saw a leaflet and again at top of voice said 'mummy what is chlamydia' perfectly read and pronounced! The old lady sitting next to me first looked horrified but then started to laugh so hard she ran to the bathroom!
DeepaBeesKit · 22/12/2021 11:53

DS shouting loudly when in swimming pool changing room.

"Mummy, when will DD grow a willy? Daddy has a big willy. When will I get a big willy?"

Blush
Tricked2003 · 22/12/2021 13:17

@Senmumm2021

I have an autistic child with zero filter, zero impulse control and a foghorn of a voice. What she thinks she says.

So you can imagine..

Same jere! People find a 6 foot 14 year old a lot less cute than a small child.

Last week he asked a lovely long haired lady in a dress is she was female

OGenkiDesuKa · 22/12/2021 13:50

@YouokHun no I wasn’t there to defend myself unfortunately. She came home and relayed all the grim hairy details she had relayed to Mr Hunky. I could’ve cried.

RockinHorseShit · 22/12/2021 14:20

Another from smaller then tiny, butter wouldn't melt toddler DD on an 8,30 am Euston to Liverpool train, after I'd just rang her dad, who was already at work, to say we'd made our train.

Loud & announced to the whole packed carriage!

"Daddy isn't really at work, he's in the pub, daddy is always in the pub" cue lots of sympathetic looks

He really wasn't on both counts Confused

TinselTitsAndGlitteryBits · 22/12/2021 16:12

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Also, like many military children, person in uniform= daddy. Colonels and generals find this funny. 18yo Privates find it terrifying.
Xmas Grin
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