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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

There are no such things as Empaths

551 replies

Seafog · 19/12/2021 20:33

Ffs.
Empathy ....some of us have more empathy than others, but it doesn't make you a fucking empath!
If you have sympathy for people, would you go around saying you are a sympath?

Just say , "I have so much empathy" or "I am really sensitive to people's emotional state."

Making up a word to try and make yourself sound more special makes me think you're attention seeking twat.

AIBU?

OP posts:
CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark · 20/12/2021 20:58

See my posts OP, I have. I agree there are a lot of people that say things to make them feel superior. But they are not real empaths, as they have no self awareness, to begin…
I am one, I never talk about it, I don’t tell people, I just get in with it. It doesn’t impact my life negatively as some may have described. I use it to my advantage, a lot.
So, yep, lots of charlatans out there, so to speak, but not everyone is.
Therefore your point is not proven fully.

CatJumperTwat · 20/12/2021 21:01

"I'm an empath. I never talk about it or tell anyone."

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/12/2021 21:03

@CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark

See my posts OP, I have. I agree there are a lot of people that say things to make them feel superior. But they are not real empaths, as they have no self awareness, to begin… I am one, I never talk about it, I don’t tell people, I just get in with it. It doesn’t impact my life negatively as some may have described. I use it to my advantage, a lot. So, yep, lots of charlatans out there, so to speak, but not everyone is. Therefore your point is not proven fully.
But I think what people like me are struggling with is how you can be so sure you're an empath when you don't know how deeply other people feel things, how affected they are by them, how draining they find things etc. Just as you say you don't over share about it, so too other people don't. None of us know how deeply other people feel stuff, how affected they are by other people's moods or emotions day to day, how draining they find other people etc. The way you feel may be entirely in line with how the majority of people feel.
CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark · 20/12/2021 21:04

Except to stand up for something I believe in on Mumsnet of course @CatJumperTwat

peaceanddove · 20/12/2021 21:07

How on Earth do you quantify how much you are empathising as opposed to others? Pie chart? Venn diagram? Bar chart?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/12/2021 21:09

how draining they find other people

I find self proclaimed empaths fucking draining.

Does that make me an uberempath?

CatJumperTwat · 20/12/2021 21:16

@CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark

Except to stand up for something I believe in on Mumsnet of course *@CatJumperTwat*
Naturally, naturally.
Apiddleawiddle · 20/12/2021 21:17

I'm an empath but I don't go around announcing it to folks. Few people know about it but have noticed I'm very introverted. I find it difficult being among people as their emotions are too much for me. Someone's anger can make me angry even if I have nothing to be angry about. It's so draining and I prefer to do without it. I think for me it could be down to a variety if things, cptsd, autism, adhd, take the pick 😄 but have found I have been forced in life to be watchful and more in tune of other people's feelings to mostly protect myself. In past abusive relationships I have had to judge upon tone of voice, how heavy the footstep thuds are, the language use, breathing, body language as to what could come next. With autism and adhd I can come across very selfish and self absorbed so was forced through abandonment to be more in tune with others and make it about them instead of myself. Some of the comments from others do seem to show ignorance to how awful being an empath can be and how people develop this overly sensitive feeling of the emotions of others.
Ofcourse there is more to being an empath than this but I'm not very good at articulating myself.

PriamFarrl · 20/12/2021 21:22

@CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark

See my posts OP, I have. I agree there are a lot of people that say things to make them feel superior. But they are not real empaths, as they have no self awareness, to begin… I am one, I never talk about it, I don’t tell people, I just get in with it. It doesn’t impact my life negatively as some may have described. I use it to my advantage, a lot. So, yep, lots of charlatans out there, so to speak, but not everyone is. Therefore your point is not proven fully.
No true Scotsman.
FriedTomatoe · 20/12/2021 21:23

Having read this thread, I can only say I'd find it really upsetting if someone thought they knew exactly how I feel. I think the correct expression is "hijacking someone else's emotions". I'm thinking most empaths might actually be more likely to suffer from other mental health issues.

PleasantBirthday · 20/12/2021 21:24

I'm going to ask again because there's no answer forthcoming. How do you know your experience of feeling things is different/more intense than other people's?

Allmadeoflego · 20/12/2021 21:25

@FriedTomatoe

Having read this thread, I can only say I'd find it really upsetting if someone thought they knew exactly how I feel. I think the correct expression is "hijacking someone else's emotions". I'm thinking most empaths might actually be more likely to suffer from other mental health issues.
Agreed. Theres a special irony in people assuming they have more empathy than anyone else. They literally lack enough empathy to understand that many others feel the same as they do.
DrSbaitso · 20/12/2021 21:27

@FriedTomatoe

Having read this thread, I can only say I'd find it really upsetting if someone thought they knew exactly how I feel. I think the correct expression is "hijacking someone else's emotions". I'm thinking most empaths might actually be more likely to suffer from other mental health issues.
All self-proclaimed empaths make the claim of knowing how you feel, because they know they feel it more.

Feeling "drained" every time someone expresses an emotion around you sounds more like self-absorption than a higher attunement to other people.

Apiddleawiddle · 20/12/2021 21:28

@PleasantBirthday

I'm going to ask again because there's no answer forthcoming. How do you know your experience of feeling things is different/more intense than other people's?
For me it's not that I think I feel more than others as such I guess but more that it's more overwhelming for me than it seems to others. Others may be very good at dealing with feeling and reading others people's emotions in everything they do, I find it exhausting most of the time. As someone else said though, it can be used to an advantage too.
PleasantBirthday · 20/12/2021 21:29

Good old seems is doing some heavy lifting here.

DrSbaitso · 20/12/2021 21:30

For me it's not that I think I feel more than others as such I guess but more that it's more overwhelming for me than it seems to others. Others may be very good at dealing with feeling and reading others people's emotions in everything they do, I find it exhausting most of the time.

So you don't have deeper feelings, you have less resilience.

CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark · 20/12/2021 21:37

@FriedTomatoe no, it’s not that an empath knows exactly how someone feels, it’s more they are very aware of it, and can feel sad too, or happy, or angry. But it’s comparable at all to the real feelings of the person. Have you ever been in a group on a bad day, putting on a brave face, but just 1 person picks up on it, no on else? You almost can’t believe they did notice.

Apiddleawiddle · 20/12/2021 21:39

@DrSbaitso

For me it's not that I think I feel more than others as such I guess but more that it's more overwhelming for me than it seems to others. Others may be very good at dealing with feeling and reading others people's emotions in everything they do, I find it exhausting most of the time.

So you don't have deeper feelings, you have less resilience.

Debatable, would depend on the individual. I have been known to read people very well based on many things about them that other people may not notice. To me I feel I am fairly resilient because I have dealt with a lot of shit in my life and people have acted exactly how I have expected them to based on things I have felt. In my older age I just find it draining the more angry people are becoming whilst I'm trying to be more positive in my life as it does become a hindrance. Perhaps it could be less resilience, maybe it is something deeper. I have found that the majority of people I meet don't have the deeper feelings I do. They can't predict people the way I do based on the smaller things ppl emit.
DrSbaitso · 20/12/2021 21:45

I have found that the majority of people I meet don't have the deeper feelings I do.

You have absolutely no way of knowing that and it's presumptuous to think so.

They can't predict people the way I do based on the smaller things ppl emit.

You are already biased in thinking that your feelings are deeper than other people's. You have no way of knowing what "predictions" people make about the people they meet and how this matches up to you. And with the aforementioned bias, your claim that you do it better is unreliable. How would you even quantify something like this?

Apiddleawiddle · 20/12/2021 21:45

[quote CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark]@FriedTomatoe no, it’s not that an empath knows exactly how someone feels, it’s more they are very aware of it, and can feel sad too, or happy, or angry. But it’s comparable at all to the real feelings of the person. Have you ever been in a group on a bad day, putting on a brave face, but just 1 person picks up on it, no on else? You almost can’t believe they did notice.[/quote]
Yes I get this a lot. I seem to have a superpower of spotting mental health issues in people once I get talking to them a while 😄 folks mock me for it bevause they feel I'm seeing things that aren't there, but then the person will come to me in a private message saying I totally get them. What can I say... pure dead brilliant me 😄

PriamFarrl · 20/12/2021 21:46

I have found that the majority of people I meet don't have the deeper feelings I do

How do you know that?

Allmadeoflego · 20/12/2021 21:47

In my older age I just find it draining the more angry people are becoming whilst I'm trying to be more positive in my life as it does become a hindrance.

This isn’t unusual. Nothing you’ve mentioned is unusual. It’s just human emotion.

Apiddleawiddle · 20/12/2021 21:48

@DrSbaitso

I have found that the majority of people I meet don't have the deeper feelings I do.

You have absolutely no way of knowing that and it's presumptuous to think so.

They can't predict people the way I do based on the smaller things ppl emit.

You are already biased in thinking that your feelings are deeper than other people's. You have no way of knowing what "predictions" people make about the people they meet and how this matches up to you. And with the aforementioned bias, your claim that you do it better is unreliable. How would you even quantify something like this?

But I do, when people tell me I'm wrong in how I perceive someone based on what I feel and see and I turn out to be right. It happens a lot. And no, my experiences are just that, based on experience, where outcomes have become known and discussed and I am asked how I knew what I did.
Allmadeoflego · 20/12/2021 21:48

Oh lord no! You’re not spotting mental health issues. You’re being incredibly fucking crass.

ReeseWitherfork · 20/12/2021 21:49

Interesting that being an empath exists in a sci-fi world and not one of psychology.

Happy to believe people who say they are empaths as long as they will believe I am a sith lord.