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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

There are no such things as Empaths

551 replies

Seafog · 19/12/2021 20:33

Ffs.
Empathy ....some of us have more empathy than others, but it doesn't make you a fucking empath!
If you have sympathy for people, would you go around saying you are a sympath?

Just say , "I have so much empathy" or "I am really sensitive to people's emotional state."

Making up a word to try and make yourself sound more special makes me think you're attention seeking twat.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ReeseWitherfork · 20/12/2021 15:29

I think those sob stories pretty much always have the opposite effect to promoting empathy. People care less and feel a it annoyed about the sob story they’re being spun. You’re all, it’s a reality dating show, I don’t care that your hamster died when you were 13.

Haha I know it has the opposite effect on me! I assumed most people enjoyed them (not sure that's the phrase!). I get sent all sorts of shit viral SM posts which are sappy sob stories which I just find irritating. Always baffled why they've gone viral.

BeyondOurReef · 20/12/2021 15:31

I don’t think people enjoy them generally.

What you are observing is social media huns who’ve spotted an opportunity for virtue signalling and claiming to be super empathetic. Their entire friends list are rolling their eyes and thinking they’re arses. Even the ones doing it themselves.

FOJN · 20/12/2021 15:33

@PriamFarrl

The questions on the quiz are:

When I hear a sad story, I find it hard to hold back the tears.
Seeing an injured animal has a lasting effect on my mood.
I rescue animals and bring them home to care for them.
I avoid watching sad movies or reading sad books.
Whenever I hear a child cry, I wonder if anything’s wrong.
I play with other people’s kids.
I am careful not to hurt other people’s feelings.
I support my friends and family by encouraging them to share their feelings.
I am told I am too emotional.
I find it very difficult to say “no” to people.
I postpone my work and other activities if a friend wants to vent to me.
I feel tired and overwhelmed.
Friends gravitate to me whenever they have a problem.
I am a people pleaser.
I dislike large gatherings and prefer to socialize with just a few select friends or stay alone.
I forgive my parents for their mistakes toward me.
I am prone to mood swings.
I go out of my way to help others.
I am eager to help others, and that’s what differentiates me from other people.
I try to read between the lines.

Are you sure that wasn't a quiz about codependency? Grin

If you answered always to *all" of those questions you have some serious self esteem and boundary issues not to mention being incredibly self absorbed.

IncompleteSenten · 20/12/2021 15:40

Those sob stories are manipulative bullshit.

Porridgeislife · 20/12/2021 15:40

I’ve always just thought being an empath means that someone is unable to regulate their emotions in a healthy way.

Emotionally healthy people can recognise what they are feeling, that their feelings don’t define them, and either ignore it/move on or embrace that feeling. Not being able to do that is definitely not a trait I’d want to encourage.

gonnabeok · 20/12/2021 15:42

Who gives a toss? If someone says they are an empath, that’s up to them. Some people are more empathic, some are devoid of empathy and some are in the middle. I’m guessing you’re at the opposite end then.

100problems · 20/12/2021 16:32

Oh well a bit of blood letting should sort out all this exhaustion then.

I don't think we can have enough blood letting. Also sorting out ones Four Humours. And leaches.

BettyFred · 20/12/2021 16:35

Crikey-not sure that's would be a friendship where I could see them too often, as kind as they might be 😳

BettyFred · 20/12/2021 16:36

@FOJN meant to address that to you-I'd find a friendship with someone like that exhausting, however kind they might be 😳

EnigmaCat · 20/12/2021 16:46

Empathy, like so many other characteristics is most probably on a sliding scale, so no yes or no answers.
This sounds like yet another marketing slogan people like to imagine they are.

peaceanddove · 20/12/2021 16:47

It's pretentious, self absorbed, self aggrandisement, navel gazing.

We can all empathise to a greater or lesser degree. It's one of the reasons that human being evolved so successfully as social creatures. If you genuinely cannot empathise then there's something seriously amiss.

WeisheitNurInWahrheit · 20/12/2021 18:08

It is almost - but not really - funny reading a thread…
Sceptics: “this is just a thing humans do”
Empaths: “but I, as an empath, do it more & better - with twiddly bits”
Sceptics: “how do you KNOW that? how can you possibly know the relative depth of feelings & responses to others’ emotions… and what is with empaths claiming to be special?!”
Empaths: “we just know, ok - & REAL empaths never claim to be special, despite literally claiming to have a special skill that makes us stand out; & indeed we never ever talk about it someone in fact has a gun to all of our heads forcing us to contribute to this thread
Sceptics: “you literally cannot know this”
Empaths: “you are so meeeeaaaan! why don’t you believe in the powers we have decided we definitely have because some quizzes on the internet told us so?!”

Like some other posters, I can get a bit overwhelmed by other people’s emotions - but it’s part of my ASD, not something that belongs in D&D. Even before it was explained to me that was what it was I didn’t assume I was somehow Doing Feeling Better - indeed I thought I must be getting it wrong, & found it quite distressing I couldn’t work out how to fix it/me. (I was working on the basis that I find, for example, [noisy, brightly-lit,] crowded shops actively distressing to the point I would like to run away from them - & when I was younger sometimes deliberately harmed myself in order to cope with being in such environments. Thus, a me!failure in need of fixing.

Also, since I was very wee I’ve had a rooted objection to the idea that anyone could truly know how another person is feeling, even if they know them really well. Humans are much too complicated & their thoughts & feelings too tangly for one person to simply slide into another’s headspace & make any kind of sense of how it works. Of course we can know in a basic way how other people are feeling; & if you’ve experienced something similar it MIGHT give you a greater insight (but absolutely no guarantees; & that’s still not the same as actual knowledge of another’s feelings). For example, to think the person weeping after the death of their parent is grieving is not a huge leap. To assume knowledge of the weight, shape & complexity of that grief, however, is insanely arrogant. Even those who know the grieving individual best will only know some parts of what they feel.

I do wonder what would happen were they to find an easy way to accurately measure how “empathic” people are Hmm

@100problems @PriamFarrl @BeyondOurReef

To which I say: break, smash, let loose the leeches, burn the mallow-paste, pickle the gherkins in the window jars, tear up the bandages!
(But not as in original sense, rather intended as stirring Cry “Havoc!” and let slip the dogs of war sort of call to arms. No need to get into stenches of any kind, though Envy Not. Envy. )

callingon · 20/12/2021 18:23

I work with traumatised children and in my setting they are definitely not showing much empathy or capacity to read emotional cues. We actively teach them empathetic skills. I totally get the reason why some people who have suffered trauma would get good at - or think they were good at - intuiting emotional states but it sure doesn’t apply to everyone.

PleasantBirthday · 20/12/2021 18:59

Being an empath, based on the self definitions here, sounds very like being clairvoyant.

PriamFarrl · 20/12/2021 19:00

@PleasantBirthday

Being an empath, based on the self definitions here, sounds very like being clairvoyant.
And equally some people would swear up and down that they were clairvoyant.
AdoptDontShop · 20/12/2021 19:01

The people who now shadow boast about being empaths are the ones who used to boast about being ‘spiritual’.

Kanaloa · 20/12/2021 19:04

@PleasantBirthday

Being an empath, based on the self definitions here, sounds very like being clairvoyant.
Yeah I think it’s a bit like saying ‘no I’m a bad driver because I’m a Hufflepuff Capricorn with my moon in the house Lannister. So it’s not really my fault.’

Just random words that you think define you so you don’t have to think of yourself as a real person.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 20/12/2021 19:14

Hasn’t this become a “thing”
Because of that Hannibal show?

DrSbaitso · 20/12/2021 19:19

@Moonface123

All l am going to say is " you can't teach a pig to sing" and leave it at that. The Empath forums are a world away from this one, for sure.
Surely you could if you empathised enough with the pig.
Allmadeoflego · 20/12/2021 19:36

Forums?Shock I imagine that they are full of people trying to one up each other about how upset they are at the sad news story of the day.

I think this raises the heckles of everyone as it’s in that “I’m sooo different” category.

No Sharon - most people can read a room, have a little cry at the McDonald’s advert and aren’t massively keen on being around angry people.

Flowers500 · 20/12/2021 20:14

Fuck me lads, I just went on the Empaths subreddit forum. Here are some of the real peaches just from the last week:

Empath is just the first of abilities to manifest. Its the one that is easiest as every living being puts out a vibe, and some are more sensitive to the subtle energies...hence why empaths pop up now and then.

The most important thing to understand about these Empathic superpowers is to feel the energy of others, observe it,
recognize what you’re supposed too,
and PUT DOWN/LET GO OF energy that’s not 👏🏼 yours 👏🏼 to 👏🏼 hold!! 👏🏼
Healthy Empaths heal the world. Flooded Empaths suffer.

A post called "3 empath super powers"

How do you all process/deal with the stress that your loved ones are dealing with?...I don’t think they have the faintest idea what I often battle when I relate to them.

Anybody else find their Gift as part of a bigger awaking?...has also made me realize my true connection to the universe

She said I need a protection stone of some kind--[another person]: Stones are great! I’ve been working with stones for quite some time.
But I actually needed a ritual to protect myself, something much stronger than stones or totem or medicine bag.
Find someone in your area who can teach you a grounding ritual that includes protection. It did wonders for me!

But no matter how much pain it brings me I'd rather be sensitive than just an average Joe...Have a Blessed Day…Love and Light.

I'm a bit older and just had a spiritual awakening that had me getting MRIs, etc. It's all a lot to digest, but I've enjoyed learning about myself and many new untapped abilities that have been hiding from me in plain site.

Flowers500 · 20/12/2021 20:14

@Flowers500

Fuck me lads, I just went on the Empaths subreddit forum. Here are some of the real peaches just from the last week:

Empath is just the first of abilities to manifest. Its the one that is easiest as every living being puts out a vibe, and some are more sensitive to the subtle energies...hence why empaths pop up now and then.

The most important thing to understand about these Empathic superpowers is to feel the energy of others, observe it,
recognize what you’re supposed too,
and PUT DOWN/LET GO OF energy that’s not 👏🏼 yours 👏🏼 to 👏🏼 hold!! 👏🏼
Healthy Empaths heal the world. Flooded Empaths suffer.

A post called "3 empath super powers"

How do you all process/deal with the stress that your loved ones are dealing with?...I don’t think they have the faintest idea what I often battle when I relate to them.

Anybody else find their Gift as part of a bigger awaking?...has also made me realize my true connection to the universe

She said I need a protection stone of some kind--[another person]: Stones are great! I’ve been working with stones for quite some time.
But I actually needed a ritual to protect myself, something much stronger than stones or totem or medicine bag.
Find someone in your area who can teach you a grounding ritual that includes protection. It did wonders for me!

But no matter how much pain it brings me I'd rather be sensitive than just an average Joe...Have a Blessed Day…Love and Light.

I'm a bit older and just had a spiritual awakening that had me getting MRIs, etc. It's all a lot to digest, but I've enjoyed learning about myself and many new untapped abilities that have been hiding from me in plain site.

Full. on. batshit.
PleasantBirthday · 20/12/2021 20:20

Have a Blessed Day…Love and Light.

Xmas Hmm
Allmadeoflego · 20/12/2021 20:34

Find someone in your area who can teach you a grounding ritual that includes protection. It did wonders for me!

Goes off to grounding ritual school so that I can rip off self important idiots who believe they are better than “your average Joe”.

Seafog · 20/12/2021 20:44

If anything, I think this thread proves my point. So far no one has shown it to be anything other than a self described, self applied "I'm special, you just don't understand" label.

OP posts: