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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you orgasm during sex

278 replies

Tootaloo · 18/12/2021 21:36

This is something that's always made me feel different to other women, for some reason. I've NEVER been able to orgasm during sex, ever. Or through any type of penetration.

Is this quite common?

YABU - Yes, you're able to
YANBU - No, you can't either


If you've found this page in your search of the best sex toys that can help you achieve orgasm and have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for women useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
takenforgrantednana · 19/12/2021 20:07

[quote akitamiss]@takenforgrantednana, do you mean you have never an orgasm? Or just never with your DH. Just trying to better understand your post.

How did you find out it was possible?? Just curious, no need to answer that question or the previous one if you don't want :)

For sure I can imagine it would causes problems in a relationship if one partner cannot. At least I think it would.[/quote]
@akitamiss 100% never had one from any means and only ever been with my husband

takenforgrantednana · 19/12/2021 20:09

oh i found out because i went to see the nurse as i was having some pain down there and it was something she said to me

HarrietM87 · 19/12/2021 20:12

@MollyQueenOfSocks

Yes, but not just through him thrusting in and out. His pelvic bone hits against my clit, or if I am on top I am hitting or grinding against him.

If it were a position where this wasn't happening I wouldn't orgasm through just penetration alone (although I can get close)a

This. I really only orgasm through sex, and it’s every time without fail. Only with DH though - must be something about our physical compatibility. Why I married him!
Shitsexsucks · 19/12/2021 20:33

As women, I think it is such a shame that we settle for below par sex. A man would never settle for a woman that couldn't make him cum..

Shitsexsucks · 19/12/2021 20:34

I'm obviously not on about the men that can make you cum..

PermanentTemporary · 19/12/2021 20:45

I think men fall in love and stay with women they're not very sexually compatible with a lot, actually.

HaaaaaveyoumetTed · 19/12/2021 20:48

@Shitsexsucks

As women, I think it is such a shame that we settle for below par sex. A man would never settle for a woman that couldn't make him cum..
I don't think it's about a man making me cum it takes 2 to have good sex. I've had a fairly large number of partners, and can say only 1 or 2 haven't resulted in orgasm, and almost exclusively from PIV (because that's my favourite bit). I know what works for me, and ensure that happens.
penguinwithasuitcase · 19/12/2021 20:53

This is really eye-opening to read.

I knew that many women didn't orgasm just from PIV, but had no idea it was this common (and how many women can't climax during PIV either, regardless of what else is going on).

So much of my ability to climax (either PIV or otherwise) is mental.

If I'm thinking about what's going on, no chance. As soon as I just get lost in what's going on (and as PPs have mentioned, get a bit selfish), it comes easy (pun not intended!)

Some of it also has to do with the size / shape / inclination of my partners, too –I used to have vaginal / gspot orgasms with a previous partner all the time because his penis had a very convenient upward curve Grin

Tootaloo · 19/12/2021 20:55

[quote feedmemincepies]@Tootaloo I've got the basic one but the version before the remote control. Worried about posting a link and be accused of advertising now though. Honestly, it changed my sex life and have recommended it to friends too[/quote]
I know! I (naively) did not expect people to think I was trying to advertise stuff 😑 those things are a god send though, they changed my life hahaha

OP posts:
Tootaloo · 19/12/2021 20:55

*it changed my life, rather.

OP posts:
LethargeMarg · 19/12/2021 21:09

I nearly always orgasm during sex.
For me it's only ever missionary where I get one and the first time I had one (the fifth time I ever had sex) it was on the floor so possibly worth a try I think I was having to clench a bit to not move around as much !? I have occasionally had terrible leg cramp just as I was about to have an orgasm so I'm definitely a clencher !
Now I'm a bit older and been with dh for such a long time I do need to get in the right head space - I have quite a good imagination put it that way !!
A full bladder apparently helps as well

Redruby2020 · 19/12/2021 21:20

@BirdsRoundandRound

Also really interested with those who say they can - is it literally just the PIV bit that works for you, with no clitoral stimulation needed?
Yes so am I interested to read responses, as for me it has to be with clitoral stimulation, missionary can make it possible if like the guys top area above penis, is there an actual name for it 😄 is hitting clitoral area.
takenforgrantednana · 19/12/2021 21:26

i dont see how that is even possible

HaaaaaveyoumetTed · 19/12/2021 21:35

@takenforgrantednana

i dont see how that is even possible
What is even possible?
crazycrochetlady · 19/12/2021 21:50

Yes but only when I'm on top. And then it's almost 💯.
Fortunate that DH gets that this is best for me.

takenforgrantednana · 19/12/2021 21:56

@ HaaaaaveyoumetTed this! the above post to my comment "Yes so am I interested to read responses, as for me it has to be with clitoral stimulation, missionary can make it possible if like the guys top area above penis, is there an actual name for it 😄 is hitting clitoral area."

RagzReturnedUnwrapped · 19/12/2021 22:00

@takenforgrantednana

@ HaaaaaveyoumetTed this! the above post to my comment "Yes so am I interested to read responses, as for me it has to be with clitoral stimulation, missionary can make it possible if like the guys top area above penis, is there an actual name for it 😄 is hitting clitoral area."
Oh yes, that bit is definitely possible. I suppose it's the male equivalent of the mons pubis (is theirs called that?) and it can rub in the right place and the friction increases chance of orgasm.
takenforgrantednana · 19/12/2021 22:06

@RagzReturnedUnwrapped god you could park a bus in the gap between us, nothing rubs anywhere on me

Wizzbangfizz · 19/12/2021 22:12

I've a friend who says she has never had an orgasm ever, alone or with a partner. I find that incredibly sad, I imagine her husband would as well!

HaaaaaveyoumetTed · 19/12/2021 22:14

[quote takenforgrantednana]@RagzReturnedUnwrapped god you could park a bus in the gap between us, nothing rubs anywhere on me[/quote]
What position are you in? When we're in missionary they the public area rubs together. We aren't overweight.

takenforgrantednana · 19/12/2021 22:15

@HaaaaaveyoumetTed him on top, and no i wasnt overweight back then either nor was he

MaryShelley1818 · 19/12/2021 22:17

Every time through PIV sex.

ScottishAngryBird · 19/12/2021 22:21

You need to cum and I can’t believe you haven’t!

Get him to give you oral for while, then jump on top and gyrate on him so that your ‘bit’, lol, rubs off his belly (the bigger the belly then the bigger chance of orgasmSmile) and you should be in paradise not long after this! Grin

I have come from my G Spot just the once, but it was crap, and apparently according to what I read, then many women feel this way. I mostly come from my clitoris and I’m more than happy with this.

I’ll be praying for you to orgasm OP GrinBlush

HaaaaaveyoumetTed · 19/12/2021 22:21

[quote takenforgrantednana]@HaaaaaveyoumetTed him on top, and no i wasnt overweight back then either nor was he[/quote]
So where are your pubic areas in relation to each othr? Are your stomachs touching?

PermanentTemporary · 19/12/2021 22:21

Well, missionary comes in more than one version (as it were). The amount of contact between bodies can be adjusted. I do like a slow grind with very little vertical movement from the man, even if I don't orgasm.