Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you orgasm during sex

278 replies

Tootaloo · 18/12/2021 21:36

This is something that's always made me feel different to other women, for some reason. I've NEVER been able to orgasm during sex, ever. Or through any type of penetration.

Is this quite common?

YABU - Yes, you're able to
YANBU - No, you can't either

If you've found this page in your search of the best sex toys that can help you achieve orgasm and have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for women useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
Voice0fReason · 19/12/2021 22:24

@Shitsexsucks

As women, I think it is such a shame that we settle for below par sex. A man would never settle for a woman that couldn't make him cum..
But there are lots of ways to have an orgasm. It doesn't have to be PIV without clitoral stimulation. It doesn't make a man a worse lover if his partner doesn't orgasm from PIV only. If he didn't care about her satisfaction I would agree with you, but there are plenty of ways of being a good lover and ensuring she orgasms. In many ways, ensuring she orgasms without his penis being involved is a generous act.
ScottishAngryBird · 19/12/2021 22:25

@Wizzbangfizz

I've a friend who says she has never had an orgasm ever, alone or with a partner. I find that incredibly sad, I imagine her husband would as well!
Can your pal make herself cum? If she can’t make herself cum then a man won’t be able to do it, plus he may want direction from her so that he can make her cum, but She won’t be able to tell him how to do it because she doesn’t know herself!

If a woman hasn’t ever cum by herself, by a certain age then I wonder, “does she even truly like sex”...

takenforgrantednana · 19/12/2021 22:26

@HaaaaaveyoumetTed honestly? its that long ago i cant really remember, i think his weight was on me so yes i guess our bellies where touching

ScottishAngryBird · 19/12/2021 22:34

[quote takenforgrantednana]@HaaaaaveyoumetTed honestly? its that long ago i cant really remember, i think his weight was on me so yes i guess our bellies where touching[/quote]
God I hate when my fat touches his fat and you hear the bellies slapping off of one another Grin

Nowayoutonlydown · 19/12/2021 23:18

YABU but its not an every time thing.

RagzReturnedUnwrapped · 19/12/2021 23:33

[quote takenforgrantednana]@RagzReturnedUnwrapped god you could park a bus in the gap between us, nothing rubs anywhere on me[/quote]
Must have a 2ft penis...

wasjustthinking · 19/12/2021 23:37

Hard to imagine a woman not getting there by herself, at least not that I've ever heard from friends over the years.

However, with an inconsiderate partner? Yes, been there done that sadly.

Can't imagine what it's like to be with a man that couldn't finish. Wouldn't like that!

Wizzbangfizz · 19/12/2021 23:44

@ScottishAngryBird I've thought the same, she says she has no desire to masturbate but I have suspicions she may have same sex desires - I hope she finds out what gets her there...

wasjustthinking · 19/12/2021 23:52

The same sex thing was such a bad thing for the longest time. Thankfully it's left behind us us? Must have been awful for people in that situation.

I couldn't imagine coming with a female partner. Must be the same for a woman trying to convince herself to be with a man. Go through the motions, but no connection it orgasm. It's probably fairly common reason no orgasm maybe?

ScottishAngryBird · 20/12/2021 01:12

[quote Wizzbangfizz]@ScottishAngryBird I've thought the same, she says she has no desire to masturbate but I have suspicions she may have same sex desires - I hope she finds out what gets her there...[/quote]
Do you think she could be gay?

PermanentTemporary · 20/12/2021 06:49

Not being able to finish, or at least it going a huge effort,.is really common for men and women on antidepressants. It was like that for dh for years. It's not much fun, no.

FinallySomeNormality · 20/12/2021 06:53

Yep - always!
I do think I'm lucky I can though as I know none of my friends can do it this way!

gofigureit · 20/12/2021 08:24

I find it much easier to orgasm with a new partner than with the same one.
Think it's the rush/sexiness of being in bed with someone new.
Unfortunately i tend towards long term relationships and find it very difficult to have ONS etc - I need an emotional connection too.

Luckily I can orgasm alone with toys too 😅

readingismycardio · 20/12/2021 10:08

Only on top. I see this is quite common.

Wizzbangfizz · 20/12/2021 12:34

@ScottishAngryBird I think there is a chance!

Ohhgreat · 20/12/2021 18:21

Yes, yes I can. But I recognise i have a DH who makes sure I get mine before he gets his!

Popsicle33 · 20/12/2021 19:26

Nope. Only ever had 1 by myself decades ago. I just can't get there. It's a source of great unhappiness in my life 😢

Original poster
Tootaloo · 20/12/2021 20:19

@Popsicle33

Nope. Only ever had 1 by myself decades ago. I just can't get there. It's a source of great unhappiness in my life 😢
You've had 1 orgasm in your life? Have you tried toys?
OP posts:
takenforgrantednana · 20/12/2021 20:43

@Tootaloo so of us havent even had the one! no matter what we have tried or used

CaMePlaitPas · 20/12/2021 20:58

Yes but the circumstances have to be right, if it's a a quickie then no and for this reason I hate quickies. Used to do them a lot in my twenties but it doesn't fly in my thirties, it's my body and I want pleasure too.

Franticbutterfly · 20/12/2021 21:00

Yes but I have to be in the right frame of mind. Only ever with DH.

TrishM80 · 22/12/2021 13:07

If PIV is not a regular source of orgasm for women, then why is so much importance placed on penis size?!

FHmama · 22/12/2021 13:12

I never could with my ex but with my new partner I can when I'm on top but it's not every time

EBearhug · 22/12/2021 13:52

If PIV is not a regular source of orgasm for women, then why is so much importance placed on penis size?!

I think that comes from men more than women.

user1478172746 · 22/12/2021 14:13

Every orgasm is clitoral. Penis just reach it (quite large organ) from the other side. Vagina don't have anything that could cause an orgasm.