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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you orgasm during sex

278 replies

Tootaloo · 18/12/2021 21:36

This is something that's always made me feel different to other women, for some reason. I've NEVER been able to orgasm during sex, ever. Or through any type of penetration.

Is this quite common?

YABU - Yes, you're able to
YANBU - No, you can't either


If you've found this page in your search of the best sex toys that can help you achieve orgasm and have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for women useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
HaaaaaveyoumetTed · 19/12/2021 17:10

@Esspee

I have to assume that as nobody else has mentioned ejaculation, that I am very much in the minority. I always felt there was something beyond orgasm. Thank goodness I experienced it those few times. Or perhaps "nice girls" don't get there?
I've had lots of orgasms, vaginal and clitoral, but I don't ejaculate. I never have. My old housemate did every time. I think it's something you do or don't, though not necessarily everytime. For my old housemate it wasn't a side effect of good orgasm, just any orgasm.
Idontbelieveit14 · 19/12/2021 17:13

No - need clitoris stimulating as well

cheapskatemum · 19/12/2021 17:17

YABU

I don't mean that you're being unreasonable at all. I'm just obeying your instructions. I consider myself fortunate in this regard and surmise that it's not nearly as straightforward for some women.

Createdjustforthis · 19/12/2021 17:19

Are you on hormonal birth control per chance? For me it ruined sensation the entire time I was on it (pill, injection, coil). Within a few months of coming off it penetrative sex became much better.

WakeUpLockie · 19/12/2021 17:21

YANBU it’s not unusual. I orgasm too quickly which is also a problem!

HaaaaaveyoumetTed · 19/12/2021 17:28

@WakeUpLockie

YANBU it’s not unusual. I orgasm too quickly which is also a problem!
Yep!
CombatBarbie · 19/12/2021 17:32

Can manage a vaginal orgasm in slow missionary but doesn't happen every time. More often than not its a clit orgasm with either me on top or with assistance from toys/DH fingers.

WhoAre · 19/12/2021 17:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Chasingaftermidnight · 19/12/2021 17:41

I never once orgasmed from penetrative sex. Until after I had a baby. I have no idea why but it must have ‘rearranged’ things down there and now I find it easy. (Still only missionary though).

Puffalicious · 19/12/2021 17:57

Ejaculated is definitely not a porn myth. I ejaculate with 90% of my clitoral orgasms. The very best ones I ejaculate a lot- we need a small towel underneath it can be such an amount. DP was taken aback when we first had sex, so I presumed it's not usual. My orgasms are pretty explosive a lot of the time. But I've only orgasmed once through PIV. What are the best tips for toys for this?

WakeUpLockie · 19/12/2021 18:00

@HaaaaaveyoumetTed glad it’s not just me 😄

Wizzbangfizz · 19/12/2021 18:01

Missionary and me on top though been the only positions I can do it in though - is it even possible to have one from behind so to speak Blush

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 19/12/2021 18:03

@Wookiewoo29

Never during sex. Honestly thought I was broken and it's always bothered me.
Me too ☹️
MissNothing1991 · 19/12/2021 18:05

@MollyQueenOfSocks

Yes, but not just through him thrusting in and out. His pelvic bone hits against my clit, or if I am on top I am hitting or grinding against him.

If it were a position where this wasn't happening I wouldn't orgasm through just penetration alone (although I can get close)a

100% this for me too, could have written it myself 😂
DriverEightt · 19/12/2021 18:14

No PIV ones for me :( As with other posters there are certain things that make me get there. I'm very visual, and as a result from behind does not work for me, even with something extra added. I have to see my partner, if I see him going over the edge, then I follow quickly too IYSWIM.

This thread has certainly provided some wank material. If there were a male equivalent thread I'd have used use Blush

pollyglot · 19/12/2021 18:43

Esspee - you put that so well..."beyond orgasm" is exactly how it is. F.E. has been dismissed as merely peeing during the orgasmic experience, but it certainly is nothing of the sort. It is clear fluid and tastes vaguely sweet. And can be a litre, or more, if the number of soaked towels is anything to go by. Leaves you very dehydrated. A truly spiritual and other-worldly experience, pure ecstasy.

Trinacham · 19/12/2021 18:50

@Esspee

I have to assume that as nobody else has mentioned ejaculation, that I am very much in the minority. I always felt there was something beyond orgasm. Thank goodness I experienced it those few times. Or perhaps "nice girls" don't get there?
I can. Doesn't happen everytime but it seems to be happening a lot right now (I'm in my 3rd trimester of pregnancy!) I only have clitoral Os. We have to make sure there's a towel beneath me as there's quite a lot
foxgoosefinch · 19/12/2021 19:03

I've had lots of orgasms, vaginal and clitoral, but I don't ejaculate.

Same here - also cervical as I mentioned above - never a squirt though!

They do all feel slightly different - clitoral are intense, focal and can be either an intensely sweet soft sensation or like a blast wave travelling up and over my body. Whereas vaginal are deeper and more muscular. The cervical ones felt like someone letting off a firework right at the very end of my vagina - nowhere near either the clitoris or g-spot!

I’ve been having clitoral orgasms since my teens, vaginal ones since my twenties, the cervical ones happened in my early forties so I’m hoping that in my fifties or sixties I’ll start squirting 😂😂🤣

pollyglot · 19/12/2021 19:15

foxgoosefinch - it happens, believe me, it happens. 50s and beyond-absolutely the best time of your life.

takenforgrantednana · 19/12/2021 19:28

cant do it full stop no matter what we try. in fact i didnt know women where able to and always thought it was purely a male thing, which was quite a shock for my husband after being married for 25 years by then. we put our efforts into remedying that to no avail, and the last 10 years gave up totally on all sex as its become such a disappointment for us both for the effort that was involved

Pheebs2021 · 19/12/2021 19:33

@momiamarichman look up something called vagimus (might be spelt slightly wrong) but that might explain your pains.

PermanentTemporary · 19/12/2021 19:42

@takenforgrantednana I'm sorry to read that and can relate to wanting to stop trying rather than to keep being unable to.

RagzReturnedUnwrapped · 19/12/2021 19:46

@Tootaloo

My apologies. As in full-on intercourse, vaginally sex.

Penis in vagina

Only if I've already had an orgasm. So we usually 69 first and I get an orgasm or two in before we go to PIV. Even then it's more the position causing some friction on the clitoral area than the penetration itself. I think maybe twice I've had an orgasm from PIV only but I was incredibly turned on and again position meant there was other stimulation.
RagzReturnedUnwrapped · 19/12/2021 19:54

@Cheeseandlobster

The coital alignment technique is what works for me. You need clit stimulation everytime.
Just googled it but after 3 articles referring to 'vulva owners' (including Men's Health!) I can't bear to carry on!
akitamiss · 19/12/2021 20:05

@takenforgrantednana, do you mean you have never an orgasm? Or just never with your DH. Just trying to better understand your post.

How did you find out it was possible?? Just curious, no need to answer that question or the previous one if you don't want :)

For sure I can imagine it would causes problems in a relationship if one partner cannot. At least I think it would.