To ask if you orgasm during sex

[Tootaloo]

This is something that's always made me feel different to other women, for some reason. I've NEVER been able to orgasm during sex, ever. Or through any type of penetration.

Is this quite common?

YABU - Yes, you're able to
YANBU - No, you can't either

---

If you've found this page in your search of the best sex toys that can help you achieve orgasm and have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for women useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

@GeorgeIsMyBeatle

This thread is what is so valuable about MN, it shows people posting a whole range of experiences. While there are some common threads, it also shows the huge variety. It's an important topic, and great is not hidden away in the Sex topic section.

Yes, there is indeed a risk it can be wank fodder, no more so than the Relationship section can be misery fodder. I have a few RL friends on the forum, but have NCed for this post.

The @Echobelly post resonated with me (great band btw!) but only in some ways. I'd had a sexually repressed upbringing, assaulted as a teenager, religious environment and was not very body confident.

My friends would talk about masturbation, orgasm, and I generally avoid the discussions. I'll be honest and say it was a problem with my first serious BF, and later with DH. Looking back, being with a longer term partner that does not orgasm must be difficult (if sex is an important part of your life).

It was a journey for me. In my 50s, with kids older, after some health issues, and a change to a new GP (younger, female), starting HRT that I took the time to explore, try things, and figure out how I worked. So I my first orgasm in my 50s. I know myself/body better than any time in my like, and I mean in general terms with respect to food, drink, exercise, sleep and so on.

In summary, I think there is a lot to be done with respect to education and female sexuality. More should be covered in schools for sure, but I think media/books/TV have a role too. Also GPs could be more supportive too.

I absolutely agree! Women aren't supposed to enjoy sex, it's solely for making babies 🙄 ridiculous!

I thought it was an important topic, it's not something I would talk about with friends, as women are taught to be ashamed of our bodies and sex.

I'm in awe (and jealous!) of all you who can manage it always with PIV!

One of my closest friends only figured out her sexuality in her 30s. Like all women, she figured out the solo part herself, but always had a problem with partners. She split from her DH, complicated because of kids, and she was the bigger earner, and much to everyone's total surprise ended in a relationship with a female colleague of mine. They are a still a great couple many years later, obviously no PIV, but no problems with her GF.

Yes from PIV, always if on top, very rarely if on bottom.

I actually think girls and women would have better and much safer sex if they were taught they can and should enjoy it. Because they'd think more about whether the person they are with is someone really likely to give them a positive experience, than if they are taught sex is shameful, painful, all about the man, probably a bit rubbish anyway etc.

But the Powers That Be are outwardly concerned that we'd all be at it constantly like the slatterns we are if that's the message we got, though actually I think it's because they're scared we might say 'No' more often, and be able to speak up more about what we're not happy with.

Yes, almost always more than once. We communicate well so we both get what we want.

With respect to education, I think there are two distinct items.

1. Understanding yourself and what works for you. That is something you have to try and know yourself. To a large extent it happens naturally, but could be impacted by environment? (shame? religion?)

1. Sharing and communication with a partner. Explaining what you like and what works for you. Having an interested supportive partner.

I'd assume that everyone knows how to sort themselves out. However, a lot of complexity adding in the second person (but it makes it so much more fun!).

No not everyone does @JustLikeSugar. I have a friend the same age as me (52) who has never knowingly had an orgasm. I add knowingly because another friend thinks she may have had them without noticing, which to me means she might as well not have had them.

She has now renounced sex altogether which seems hard on her husband but perhaps he doesn't mind.

I thought I was weird too for not having an orgasm with somebody else. I was sexually active in my twenties but sex was just vaginal penetration so no orgasm. The way we are shown though films and tv portray that every woman has an orgasm after about two thrusts! If you have no idea how important a clitoris is then you have no business having sex, that's what I would say to the men I had sex with. You're dick just doesn't cut it!

@BirdsRoundandRound

Also really interested with those who say they can - is it literally just the PIV bit that works for you, with no clitoral stimulation needed?

Women are all built differently - some have a clitoris nearer to the vagina, or at a different angle, than others. For me, thrusting, as long as it's in a regular rhythm, gets me off as well as clitoral stimulation.

@Shitandhills

I can't orgasm just from penetration but I quite frequently have orgasms in my sleep and wake up midway through. How weird is that?!

That is weird, would quite like this skill!

@Tootaloo I've got the basic one but the version before the remote control. Worried about posting a link and be accused of advertising now though. Honestly, it changed my sex life and have recommended it to friends too

I have to assume that as nobody else has mentioned ejaculation, that I am very much in the minority.
I always felt there was something beyond orgasm. Thank goodness I experienced it those few times.
Or perhaps "nice girls" don't get there?

I've only ever spoken about orgasms with a few close friends and my dsis in real life over the years. While they've all had orgasms alone, it's been somewhat hit and miss with partners.

There are certain specific things that make me cum PIV, for example a certain rhythm, a certain roughness level, a sense that partner is close to the edge...all together these get me there. That can be happen very quickly for me (so quickies work me!).

But if those things are not right, then I don't get there with DP.

@Esspee, never "ejaculated". I've never had a friend mention it either. As a result I'd always assumed (probably incorrectly) that it's a faked porn thing?

@Espee 3 years ago I found that under special circumstances I have something that could be considered ejaculation too. I have to be very aroused for a very long time for it to happen and my sex life for decades wasnt built around my pleasure. I therefore assume it's physiologically possible for a lot more women than will ever experience it.

Mind your own business Herbert.

Always during penetrative. Then my dp is awesome at foreplay and always makes me come sbout 5 or 6 times . Find a fabulous lover. And explore yourself. Get a satisfyer. You will not regret it.

Thanks @BackToBedford and especially @PermanentTemporary who describes my experience too. I was beginning to think I was a freak.
I am so grateful that I have managed, if only a few times, to reach a level beyond orgasm.
I feel a glow just remembering how amazing the experience is.

BackToBedford It is most definitely not just a porn thing. It happened to me unexpectedly, I didn't even know women could ejaculated until my partner explained what had happened to me. He was so proud of himself. 😃

ejaculate not ejaculated - bloody phone autocorrect.

The way we are shown though films and tv portray that every woman has an orgasm after about two thrusts!

My record is nine thrusts. When we first started dating my DH was quite taken aback that I could orgasm with PIV only.

Get a satisfyer. You will not regret it.

I did and I regret it. It doesn’t do much for me at all.

The big heavy wand/satisfyer type vibrators do nothing for me, a bullet is great though.

Yes very easily, which makes me v happy

@Lockheart Does google not work where you live? Because that's a very obvious and easily found answer. But I guess it's not quite as fun as reading everyone's stories. Bit taken aback at how many people are so keen to share details of how they orgasm with strangers asking odd questions on the internet.

Yes, and future people asking the question will put it into Google and be led to these answers.

I have a couple of times, but it's usually just clitoral. I've had orgasms in dreams too.

One frustration is I can't masterbate myself to orgasm. Never had a problem with help from partners, just can't get there on my own. It's strange, I can be as horny as hell too.