DP uncomfortable about a school run dad taking DD swimming

[Eastie77Returns]

DD (8) will be attending swimming lessons at a new venue in the New Year. There are a couple of other kids in her class who attend lessons at the same pool, I am friends with both sets of parents. I was chatting to the dad of one of the kids and he mentioned that he and and the other child’s mum take it in turns to take both children swimming each week. He asked if I’d like to join the ‘rotation’ which would mean taking all 3 kids every 3 weeks and I said I’d be happy to. We all live a few minutes walk from each other and DD knows the 2 boys well. I’d already discussed this with the other mum so she is on board.

DP has announced he is uncomfortable about the arrangement as there is a male parent involved (when I originally mentioned the plan to him he thought it would only be mums). I think he is being absolutely ridiculous, I have known the school dad since our children were 2 years old and DD adores him.

However I discussed this with a friend who said she 100% understands why DP is unhappy and I need to see this from his point of view. AIBU??

If she was going to be alone in the car with him then I could see his point, but she won’t be so it wouldn’t bother me.

I don't get your DPs POV..
Unless he's assuming that the other guy is some kind of pervert? Does he have any proof of that or any reason to not support your judgement?

Is he worried dd will need the dad to help her get changed?

Your daughter is 8, presumably she'll be getting changed, dried and dressed independently. Your DH is an idiot

I wouldn't do it, personally. Most abusers are known to the child (and the parents). I only leave DD with DF, no other males.

I absolutely understand your DP’s concerns

I think he is being ott.
There will be 2 other kids with them the whole time in the car and you’ve known him several years.
Sounds very low risk to me.

Unless your DP knows something specific about this man, I don't think that's reasonable. There will be three children in the car. They aren't tiny babies, unable to express themselves.

As long as your DD does not need help getting dressed after swimming, I'm not sure I can see a problem.

He's being ridiculous. The man won't be alone with DD.

I despair at such paranoia.

It totally depends whether DD will be going into the male changing rooms to get fully undressed in front of both boys. If yes, I would agree with DP.

If either DD is going to be able to change independently in the female changing room or if it's one of these mixed family areas with cubicles then I would have no problem.

It's not the dad taking them that would bother me. It would be that my own DD would not want to strip off in front of 2 boys from her class at that age.

I would be cautious with this, especially when the other two kids are boys. She would have to change all on her own? Or where? It just seems very young, alone, in a swim suit to be without any reliable female figure to be around.

Surely an 8 yo changes independently. What is dp concern?

Does he know the dad?

@AnkleDeep

He's being ridiculous. The man won't be alone with DD.

I despair at such paranoia.

Really? It’s a known fact that most abusers are known to their victims.

Might be ott but it’s not a risk I’d be willing to take. He might be a lovely man, and it’s very sad that this is how my brain works, but my child’s safety will always come first.

he has got a point.
better safe than sorry.
and your partner has the right of veto an any plan for his child.

I wouldn't be comfortable with it personally

He has got a point, unless your dd can dress independently then I wouldn't trust him. If she can dress independently and knows what is and isn't appropriate then I think it would be fine.

My 8yo is shattered after swimming and can't dress herself very well. I don't she'd be comfortable with a male.

Sorry I'm with your dp on this. My kids go swimming. The boys and girls are in seperate changing rooms but parents are always with them in changing rooms. Boys with their dads or equivalent and girls with their mums or equivalent. I have 2 of each and it is policy to have an adult with the child so dh has to come to be with the boys. I wouldn't aant her alone getting changed and if she had an issue the other parent wouldn't be able to go and assist

Difficult one. I wouldn't like the idea of my Dd7 having to get changed alone, but she is young for her age. I'd be more worried about her being alone in the changing room than the other dad being a potential pervert. If it's a mum then she can at least stand outside the door while the dc get changed.

It would be a mixed cubicle environment as they do not have male/female changing rooms at this pool. It’s a changing ‘village’ with individual cubicles.

DD would have her swimsuit on underneath her clothes beforehand and is more than capable of getting dressed herself after the lesson - she is almost 9!

DP says he has nothing against the dad personally but is just uncomfortable with the arrangement. He doesn’t know him particularly well but has met him many times on play dates in the park etc.

I understand abusers are usually known to their victims etc but have known this man for almost a decade and trust him completely. The chances of anything untoward happening with DD are less than zero. I just don’t know if I’m BU to disregard DP’s concerns.

I wouldn't be happy about this either. If she can dress herself, maybe. If she needs help, no I don't think it's appropriate. My 8 year old girl's body is changing and she is aware. She needs her own privacy. And I wouldn't be sending her off with people I didn't really know that well, especially where she needs to get undressed. People need to stop being so lax with their kids.

You are unreasonable to disregard his concerns. If he's not comfortable with it it shouldn't happen.

I wouldn't be comfortable with it either. Unfortunately it's a fact that most children's abusers are known to them. Yes there's probably realistically no chance of her coming to harm but I still wouldn't take the risk with my dc.