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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really disappointed with this present

366 replies

ToMeetOrNotToMeet · 18/12/2021 14:47

I might sound like an ungrateful twat...

The gift is from my boyfriend (on/off - "on a break" at the moment, but he wants to get back together... and I wish we could as well... which is why I'm upset about this. We're just not the same.

We're at his mother's to celebrate my and her birthday. She puts on a big show, champagne, cake etc. There are six of us. We do gifts at the end. We're in a rented holiday cottage.
We swapped gifts. All very nice: ornaments, plants, choccies, jewelry, wine...

Then boyfriend pulls out a bag of apples and another bag of tomatoes and a piece of bamboo. He tells us to close our eyes and imagine being somewhere where these things are grown and being in a hotel and looking out of the window and it's raining.

Then there are three wrapped boxes. One for me. One for his mother. One for my daughter (aged 4) or his brother (aged 30). He still hasn't clarified. He says it doesn't matter who opens what, but if we get the wrong box, we won't like it.

It's three external hard drives.

We don't know whose is whose. We have no way of checking here.

He collects DVDs and Bluerays. He's obviously put a load of films on these hard drives.

I've told him in the past that I don't care about DVDs (his entire house is full of them - I mean so FULL that I can't visit. Hoarder full.). I have about 30 minutes a night to watch TV and I'm happy with Prime and Netflix).

So now, I've got to go home with a hard drive full of films that might be for his mother. She'll go home with one that could be meant for me or my kid.

I know he's probably spent time doing it (a lot of time) but I've already told him many many times that I have enough with what I have. I'm just not interested in all these fucking films.

And what the fuck are the fruit and vegetables all about?

Everything always has to be weird and cryptic and about him. If he'd asked me I'd have liked an Etsy voucher or a sodding candle.

Now he's really upset that nobody cares about his hard drives. But he hasn't even said what's on any of them.

It's mad. He's not talking to me for being so ungrateful and I just feel upset that he's given me something so weird.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BlowDryRat · 18/12/2021 18:25

He sounds like a catch Confused

His gifts are the same as his behaviour: bizarre. Move on with your life and stop exposing your child to this weirdo.

DukkaTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 18/12/2021 18:26

So if you don’t get each other, why are you still trying to make it work?

Should have guessed someone would pop up with the ‘is he autistic’ line. Bingo! 🙄

Gensola · 18/12/2021 18:26

I’m bored of him just from your OP! Dump him ASAP

NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/12/2021 18:27

@steff13

Where DO apples, tomatoes and bamboo grow together? Is it supposed to be exotic? It sounds like the greenhouse at the bottom of my elderly neighbour’s garden.

I was thinking I live in Ohio and we grow all of those things here so maybe he wants to take a trip to Ohio? 😂

Did it really not occur to him to label the hard drives?

Nah. They're obviously going to stay in the house over my back fence in South London.

Wouldn't mind two kittens and a rocket, though. You can give somebody else a pair of huge melons.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 18/12/2021 18:28

But you are going to check the hard drives and report back, right?

LetterBug · 18/12/2021 18:30

My guess is one harddrive has kung fu panda - bamboo
one has the tobacco episode of the simpsons - tomatoes
and the last one is snow-white - apples

to be fair I'd be annoyed if my be gave me a film for Xmas as I mot really that into them. like you I don't have time to watch them

Kite22 · 18/12/2021 18:42

I can't get past the spending all that time putting together gifts that he would enjoy so therefore assumes everyone else will enjoy but then not labelling them, so - as he said himself - anyone could end up with anyone else's, even though he has, as you have said, spent hours and hours selecting films for each of those people even though you don't want them. It just makes no sense

putting aside the tomatoes etc Confused

Somebodylikeyew · 18/12/2021 18:42

That’s just so weird and crap. Unless there’s plane tickets on that hard drive to wherever the bamfuckingboo grows I think I’d be out.

PandorasMailbox · 18/12/2021 18:43

Apple, tomatoes and bamboo?

He's got you an allotment hasn't he and the hard drive's full of Alan Titchmarch's gardening tips.

evtheria · 18/12/2021 18:50

@Ellmau

Surely this is a massive breach of copyright?
😂
Tal45 · 18/12/2021 18:53

I thought autistic too. Film sounds like his 'special interest' ie obsession - typical autistic behaviour. He gives you a present he would absolutely love and really struggles to understand why you wouldn't love it too. That's pretty strong 'not being able to put himself in someone else's shoes' right there.

Sounds like he's tried to make it all 'fun' with the vegetables and stuff. Try not to be too upset or annoyed OP, if he's autistic then this isn't him being selfish or nasty, he probably genuinely thought you'd love it. It'll be no good giving him subtle hints about what you'd like though, if you want an etsy voucher then just straight up tell him.

He's going to need some understanding and patience if you do want to be in a relationship with him, you're going to be very different if you're NT and he's not, it's just depends if you can both find a way to work together - although it might take more compromise on your part. If not, just be as gentle as you can.

EishetChayil · 18/12/2021 18:54

How queer!

BigFatLiar · 18/12/2021 18:55

Blimey the nutty video bloke and the crazy cat lady! What a team that could be.

Floundery · 18/12/2021 18:55

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

twilightermummy · 18/12/2021 18:57

This is absolutely batty! I’d rather not have had a present at all 😂

I was going to say that life’s too short to be dealing with this but other things you’ve said about him makes it sound like you actually have quite a nice relationship otherwise. From now on, tell him you want x, y& z or nothing.

twilightermummy · 18/12/2021 18:58

**BigFatLiar

Blimey the nutty video bloke and the crazy cat lady! What a team that could be.**

Hahahahaha!

imthenextinline · 18/12/2021 18:58

You lost me at the bit where you said he isn't actually your boyfriend at the moment but you took your child away with him and his family to celebrate your and his mother's birthdays.

WonderfulYou · 18/12/2021 19:01

YABU about the gift.
He put thought and time into it and personalised them, instead of just spending 5mins picking out something unimaginative like jewellery, chocolate or wine.

What have you got him?

cansu · 18/12/2021 19:03

He needs to just be a friend. 8 live with someone autistic. It is exhausting and endlessly disappointing. He is interested in films so he made the gift about his interests. He will continue to disappoint you.

Snowmanuel · 18/12/2021 19:04

You sound so articulate, OP, even after three glasses of wine. How on earth did you wind up in love and in a relationship with this man? I’m all for people being different but he sounds immensely hard work.

feelsobadfeltsogood · 18/12/2021 19:14

You say you are on a break?

He sounds weird I would bother with him

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/12/2021 19:20

It's an on/off relationship. It needs to stay 'off'. It really does.

Without any of the other details, you describe him as tight. I have never known anyone who was tight who stopped being tight, it's a permanent feature. Tight people suck all the joy and spontaneity out of life, don't condemn yourself to a life with such a person.

Add on how he treats other people - giving a present he knows will be hated, giving a present they already have, giving a present then taking it back (presumably because they actually liked it and he couldn't allow that, oh no). Add on that he's a hoarder. Add on that he has "never been a fan of work" and that he "likes to intellectualise everything" (which I take as likes to use big words and pretend to himself that he's clever and sometimes fools other people about that too).

He is just too much hard work.

FFS OP, give your head a wobble and do not get back together with this total headfuck of a man.

whynotwhatknot · 18/12/2021 19:20

i dont get the weird clues either and what if something is inappropriate for your dd on her one has he even thought of that

i get my films off a friend not as a present for my birthday

azimuth299 · 18/12/2021 19:24

People aren't saying autism because he's annoying though. They are saying autism because he has an obsessive interest (a house hoarder-full of films) and has difficulty putting himself in someone else's shoes (buying something that he would like rather than something that the recipient would like). Common autism symptoms.

And they aren't saying "Oh he's probably autistic because he's an arsehole and autistic people are arseholes." they are saying "His behaviour sounds very unusual, but it could be explained by autism rather than him being a selfish arsehole."

TinselTitsAndGlitteryBits · 18/12/2021 19:26

Should I give everyone a cat for their birthday... with a bag of rocket and a fucking melon and then go in a strop when they don't look happy about it?

I never usually find things on here funny, but this - dear Lord.

Anyway, I got the immediate ick reading that.
OP he's obviously a weirdo. Leave the relationship 'off' and let him go back to his self-absorbed, DVD hoarder, life.

Can you imagine living with him? Especially with your DD?

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