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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really disappointed with this present

366 replies

ToMeetOrNotToMeet · 18/12/2021 14:47

I might sound like an ungrateful twat...

The gift is from my boyfriend (on/off - "on a break" at the moment, but he wants to get back together... and I wish we could as well... which is why I'm upset about this. We're just not the same.

We're at his mother's to celebrate my and her birthday. She puts on a big show, champagne, cake etc. There are six of us. We do gifts at the end. We're in a rented holiday cottage.
We swapped gifts. All very nice: ornaments, plants, choccies, jewelry, wine...

Then boyfriend pulls out a bag of apples and another bag of tomatoes and a piece of bamboo. He tells us to close our eyes and imagine being somewhere where these things are grown and being in a hotel and looking out of the window and it's raining.

Then there are three wrapped boxes. One for me. One for his mother. One for my daughter (aged 4) or his brother (aged 30). He still hasn't clarified. He says it doesn't matter who opens what, but if we get the wrong box, we won't like it.

It's three external hard drives.

We don't know whose is whose. We have no way of checking here.

He collects DVDs and Bluerays. He's obviously put a load of films on these hard drives.

I've told him in the past that I don't care about DVDs (his entire house is full of them - I mean so FULL that I can't visit. Hoarder full.). I have about 30 minutes a night to watch TV and I'm happy with Prime and Netflix).

So now, I've got to go home with a hard drive full of films that might be for his mother. She'll go home with one that could be meant for me or my kid.

I know he's probably spent time doing it (a lot of time) but I've already told him many many times that I have enough with what I have. I'm just not interested in all these fucking films.

And what the fuck are the fruit and vegetables all about?

Everything always has to be weird and cryptic and about him. If he'd asked me I'd have liked an Etsy voucher or a sodding candle.

Now he's really upset that nobody cares about his hard drives. But he hasn't even said what's on any of them.

It's mad. He's not talking to me for being so ungrateful and I just feel upset that he's given me something so weird.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Thadhiya · 18/12/2021 17:43

Buying you tickets to a gig you're already going to - jesus, it's like he just wanted to tell everyone "I bought her tickets to a gig, and she went to that gig, and she enjoyed it, so I am therefore awesome" whilst leaving out that he's got an IQ of about 8.

Cherrysoup · 18/12/2021 17:44

Guy sounds like a knob. Hoarder, endlessly watches films, off long term sick? Has no clue what you might like. Tell us why you’re with him?

thatsallineed · 18/12/2021 17:44

Surrounded by apples, tomatoes and bamboo, and sitting looking out of the window at the rain?

Sounds like sitting in an allotment shed to me.

missingeu · 18/12/2021 17:46

I had an ex who gave me all the his cd he didn't like for a christmas present. He was soon my ex after that.

longtompot · 18/12/2021 17:48

Then there are three wrapped boxes. One for me. One for his mother. One for my daughter (aged 4) or his brother (aged 30). He still hasn't clarified. He says it doesn't matter who opens what, but if we get the wrong box, we won't like it.
I'd be a bit worried your dd could potentially watch a film that isn't suitable for her and that you 'd'p thinks this is ok?

Cocomarine · 18/12/2021 17:49

@DontBlameMe79 as you’re quoting my post, care to actually answer it?

Do you think that this man bought the OP a zodiac necklace when he knows she really hates astrology, because he has autism?
Do you think he bought her tickets to a gig he knew she already had tickets for, because he has autism?
Do you think he made her pay for both their meal out on her birthday, because he has autism?

Do all the people with autism you know just come with a side order of arsehole?

Cos none of the people with autism I know, would behave like total dicks in those ways.

Shoxfordian · 18/12/2021 17:50

Keep that break off op
Don’t get back with this loser

Fatarseflanagan09 · 18/12/2021 17:55

It's a bit lazy getting everyone the same things, if he's interested in stuff like this maybe he thinks he'll get them back, to be honest I'd give the boring presents back and tell him to shove the bamboo stick right up his arse.

latetothefisting · 18/12/2021 18:00

fuck me he's a weirdo. Go home tomorrow with your tomatoes and random hard drive and never see him again.

latetothefisting · 18/12/2021 18:01

searching for a bright side - a hard drive is quite a useful present. You can delete the films and use it for photo storage or something....?

please don't say you bought something expensive/thoughtful for him for christmas?

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 18/12/2021 18:02

I now this is supposed to be funny, and you sound great, OP.

But I’m just reading this in a really eye roll-y way.

I just don’t get why you’re with him. You don’t like him (at best, you feel sorry for him), he doesn’t like you - he doesn’t even get you. You’re on/off.

Seriously. There is more to life than this.

Floundery · 18/12/2021 18:09

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

2bazookas · 18/12/2021 18:10

he sounds mentally ill.

babadoll79 · 18/12/2021 18:12

@latetothefisting

fuck me he's a weirdo. Go home tomorrow with your tomatoes and random hard drive and never see him again.
😂
BritWifeInUSA · 18/12/2021 18:14

He gave you copies of his films for your birthday? I doubt that’s even legal but even if it is it’s an awful present. I’d rather have the tomatoes.

TrufflesAndToast · 18/12/2021 18:16

He sounds, at best, a complete weirdo. Why on earth are you letting someone like this around your child? Have you seriously identified him as a positive role model for your child to have in their life?! And if not, why did the relationship continue?

Honestly a four year old girl should not be in any way present in the saga of your on-off relationship with someone who sounds to be a quite grim mixture of self-absorbed, attention seeking and manipulative.

Please, reflect on this.

Original poster
ToMeetOrNotToMeet · 18/12/2021 18:16

So, obviously there's a much bigger picture. I've known him since before DD was born. She's just mine. We've never lived together. I was very much in love with him at one point. He's clever, I can lean on him emotionally, I've known him a long time. We have a good time together. Trips. Walks. Holidays. My daughter knows he's my friend and not her dad. No confusion there. He makes no decisions as far as she's concerned. She doesn't see him as a parent.
He's off work for depression. I think he could possibly have autism. I don't know. He talks very very quickly. He's always late. He hoards. He's tight. I don't know. He's never been a fan of work though. He likes to intellectualise everything.
Oh, I don't know.
I don't think I'm cut out for a proper relationship, so this was on my terms and I thought it suited me. But he is odd. We don't have similar lifestyles at all. I'm a workaholic and big into cat-saving in my spare time. I don't get him. He doesn't get me.

OP posts:
MsJaneAusten · 18/12/2021 18:16

[quote Cocomarine]@DontBlameMe79 as you’re quoting my post, care to actually answer it?

Do you think that this man bought the OP a zodiac necklace when he knows she really hates astrology, because he has autism?
Do you think he bought her tickets to a gig he knew she already had tickets for, because he has autism?
Do you think he made her pay for both their meal out on her birthday, because he has autism?

Do all the people with autism you know just come with a side order of arsehole?

Cos none of the people with autism I know, would behave like total dicks in those ways.[/quote]
This.

My autistic DS got me fizzy water for Christmas once, because he knew I liked it. He wouldn’t give me toy soldiers as they’d be for him, not me.

Someone acting like a dickhead means they’re probably a dickhead, not autistic.

TrufflesAndToast · 18/12/2021 18:17

Seriously OP there is a time in your life for entertaining self absorbed weirdos who make a good dating story later. Well into adulthood with a small child in tow, is not that time! Raise your bar and think of her!

Original poster
ToMeetOrNotToMeet · 18/12/2021 18:20

He is very good with DD. I'm not a shit parent. I don't ever row in front of her or let her see that I'm upset. He's someone I only see every couple of weeks. His family is very nice. She just thinks we're all friends. She knows who is in her family: me, mum, sis, uncle, nephews. I'm very protective of her. If I was yo ever meet someone else, I would not introduce him to my DD. But this man has been around since before she was born.

OP posts:
Original poster
ToMeetOrNotToMeet · 18/12/2021 18:21

You're all right though. This is untenable.

OP posts:
Deux · 18/12/2021 18:21

I think you really need to bin him off. You’re always going to be disappointed.

oftenbaffled · 18/12/2021 18:23

ok,

but now you see what an absolute odd bod he is, presumably you are going to gather your bits and leave? Or if not immediately possible, leave first thing tomorrow am.

He is in a grump
You are pissed off
He has proved himself (again) to be very peculiar
It is on and off. Currently off.

Move on. If not for your sake, for your 4 year old

RandomMess · 18/12/2021 18:24

You are likely to be cut out for relationships just not with him!

Give yourself more credit Thanks

PrettyPollyOliver · 18/12/2021 18:24

My thought was autistic too. Or a heavy weed smoker....I've known a few who would absolutely behave like this.

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