To be really disappointed with this present

[ToMeetOrNotToMeet]

I might sound like an ungrateful twat...

The gift is from my boyfriend (on/off - "on a break" at the moment, but he wants to get back together... and I wish we could as well... which is why I'm upset about this. We're just not the same.

We're at his mother's to celebrate my and her birthday. She puts on a big show, champagne, cake etc. There are six of us. We do gifts at the end. We're in a rented holiday cottage.
We swapped gifts. All very nice: ornaments, plants, choccies, jewelry, wine...

Then boyfriend pulls out a bag of apples and another bag of tomatoes and a piece of bamboo. He tells us to close our eyes and imagine being somewhere where these things are grown and being in a hotel and looking out of the window and it's raining.

Then there are three wrapped boxes. One for me. One for his mother. One for my daughter (aged 4) or his brother (aged 30). He still hasn't clarified. He says it doesn't matter who opens what, but if we get the wrong box, we won't like it.

It's three external hard drives.

We don't know whose is whose. We have no way of checking here.

He collects DVDs and Bluerays. He's obviously put a load of films on these hard drives.

I've told him in the past that I don't care about DVDs (his entire house is full of them - I mean so FULL that I can't visit. Hoarder full.). I have about 30 minutes a night to watch TV and I'm happy with Prime and Netflix).

So now, I've got to go home with a hard drive full of films that might be for his mother. She'll go home with one that could be meant for me or my kid.

I know he's probably spent time doing it (a lot of time) but I've already told him many many times that I have enough with what I have. I'm just not interested in all these fucking films.

And what the fuck are the fruit and vegetables all about?

Everything always has to be weird and cryptic and about him. If he'd asked me I'd have liked an Etsy voucher or a sodding candle.

Now he's really upset that nobody cares about his hard drives. But he hasn't even said what's on any of them.

It's mad. He's not talking to me for being so ungrateful and I just feel upset that he's given me something so weird.

AIBU?

@PatriotCanes

He could have just saved himself some time and handed you all a large red flag.

This really made me laugh. It's so true.

Tbh you’re not right for him, just as much as he’s definitely not right for you. Someday he might actually find a woman who gets him and who loves his ‘quirks’.

You don’t.

Why - seriously, why?? - would you keep flogging a horse that is just always going to be dead?

Might have dated this guy q a few years ago.

Is he also a keen cyclist? Like club cycling?

On the upside I like your sense of humour @ToMeetOrNotToMeet His? Nah, not so much.

I'm pleased there were some nice gifts, happy birthday from me Ooops looks like your boyfriend snook something unintended in there

He's obviously spent a lot of time and effort on the gifts, trouble is the thought and effort were all about him and not about the recipients. I don't think he brings you much joy, maybe keep him as a mate, but not as a romantic partner.

Tomatoes may be for the Rotten Tomatoe film reviews

Even if I could get my head around him spending all that time fiddling around with hard drives, I can't work out why he gave them to you randomly. Why would he do that? And what the hell is it with the apples, tomatoes and bamboo?

I would have three more drinks and lock him in a room and not let him out until you find out the answer.

Wow, he sounds selfish, hard work and sulky - and unable to empathise with others. Does he always have to be the centre of attention? I could not be bothered with all of that!

@OneRuleForThem

Yes, I think you are actually, and his mother. You yourself have said that you have no idea what is on these hard drives. And it’s not really THAT big of a deal if you discover it’s the wrong one and needs swapping.

Having to plough through multiple films/shows to get the idea of who the hard drive was meant for? Contacting the other recipients to swap ideas and figure the "puzzle" out? Arranging multiple trips to exchange drives until they're with the "right" owner? Figuring out the vegetable link??? This is a huge faff. OP says she only has 30 mins if TV time a day as it is.

This is a faff that might have been welcome if the recipients were explicitly into that sort of thing. They weren't. This gift was all about the DP - it's an indulgent wank of a gift made to satisfy DP's interests only.

Even if he's not being deliberately selfish, he's being clueless to the point at which it becomes selfish.

That and the anti social DVD hoarding? Get rid. Life's too short.

For his birthday buy him a sack of wild rats and set them free in his house and tell him to imagine a lovely cat to catch them all.

If you can’t tell us even one good thing about this peculiar person yanvu to be considering getting back together.

I think DontBlameMe79 might be the moron boyfriend.

I would also like a cat and a melon, please. Honeydew if there's a choice, but really, there is no such thing as an unwelcome melon.

Well, I’d love a cryptic puzzle present but I’d have to be sure that there actually was a fiendish puzzle to work out and ideally something lovely at the end of it, not just some random tomatoes and shit films.

@Ellmau

Surely this is a massive breach of copyright?

@Ellmau asking the hard questions

Not read the whole thread, do you know what’s on the HD. Just wondering if it’s a proposal, yours will you marry me? DD can I be your step dad? DB will you be my best man?

Where DO apples, tomatoes and bamboo grow together? Is it supposed to be exotic? It sounds like the greenhouse at the bottom of my elderly neighbour’s garden.

I was thinking I live in Ohio and we grow all of those things here so maybe he wants to take a trip to Ohio? 😂

Did it really not occur to him to label the hard drives?

@DontBlameMe79

He may be a bit weird but to be honest you sound a bit grasping and ungrateful regarding presents. Would you rather have something that he had thought about and put effort into, even if a total miss, or something he just spent money on? Sounds like the latter…so I’m in the YABU camp

I'd rather nothing that shit I don't want. The number of times I've been given chocolate as a present by the same people who know me. And know that not only do I not like it. But I'm lactose intolerant. Goes in the bin, if you're not going to make an effort, don't bother.

@Hankunamatata

My cousin is autistic. He sounds exactly like him. Spends hours with DVDs

Exactly my thought as well. Sad because the lad I know really can't help it, and is lovely, but it's all he ever talks about. And I can't deal.

The things I've read on mumsnet have scarred me for life, put me right off men and left me wondering if I woke up on the right planet.
This one is a beauty.

stay on that break.

it is a ridiculous present. thoughtless,
it might be his hobby and interest but it is not yours!

You can do better than this OP, surely

@Teacupsandtoast

You really want to get back together with him?

Don't. And put the hard drive in the bin

He sounds like a twat.

Before you dump him Op , can you ask him what the veg and bamboo is all about because it’s driving me mad trying to work it out ?

why on EARTH did you bring your daughter in to this scenario?

on off relationship
currently off
absolute complete odd bod
overnight stays

He does sound like very hard work. It's your birthday and him own DM's and he's managed to make it all about him.

He would have to have something very special in his favour to make it worthwhile putting up tbh.

I cant stop giggling at the "BamfuckingBoo" remark. Sorry. So much to unpack in this post.
He's obviously spent a lot of time and effort on the gifts, trouble is the thought and effort were all about him and not about the recipients
This is absolutely it. What use are these hard drives without a viewing method. Supplying that was the main effort required... and you are all supposed to suss out his thought process, and pay homage to his awesome film choices. And a present that is either for your very young DD or his 30 year old brother? I think he was planning the unicorn clock swap on one of them again, to show off his cleverness.
Plus picture quality on copied "vintage" DVD's ( which he's keeping because they are so valuable presumably) is not going to be great and doesn't that make them pirate copies? How cheap is that?

This is a needless aside but could Tomatoes = Italy = The Godfather, the Italian Job or Roman Holiday - (which he didn't give you tickets for)
Bamfuckingboo = China/Far East? = Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Big Trouble in Little China.. sorry I'm thinking 80's films now.
Apples - not a clue, unless its films by the Beatles? or the Steve Jobs Doc - that's definitely the hard drive for your DD

My worry is that he has permanently spoiled the idea of holidays in Tomato growing countries.

Stay in touch with his mum though for some more anecdotes that are funnier at a distance than living through.

He sounds like everyone's worst nightmare of that loser at a party who corners you and explains how Inception is the smartest movie ever, but only he gets it, because he's so smart.

Don't give this sorry excuse another thought, other than to tell funny stories in time to come.