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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really disappointed with this present

366 replies

ToMeetOrNotToMeet · 18/12/2021 14:47

I might sound like an ungrateful twat...

The gift is from my boyfriend (on/off - "on a break" at the moment, but he wants to get back together... and I wish we could as well... which is why I'm upset about this. We're just not the same.

We're at his mother's to celebrate my and her birthday. She puts on a big show, champagne, cake etc. There are six of us. We do gifts at the end. We're in a rented holiday cottage.
We swapped gifts. All very nice: ornaments, plants, choccies, jewelry, wine...

Then boyfriend pulls out a bag of apples and another bag of tomatoes and a piece of bamboo. He tells us to close our eyes and imagine being somewhere where these things are grown and being in a hotel and looking out of the window and it's raining.

Then there are three wrapped boxes. One for me. One for his mother. One for my daughter (aged 4) or his brother (aged 30). He still hasn't clarified. He says it doesn't matter who opens what, but if we get the wrong box, we won't like it.

It's three external hard drives.

We don't know whose is whose. We have no way of checking here.

He collects DVDs and Bluerays. He's obviously put a load of films on these hard drives.

I've told him in the past that I don't care about DVDs (his entire house is full of them - I mean so FULL that I can't visit. Hoarder full.). I have about 30 minutes a night to watch TV and I'm happy with Prime and Netflix).

So now, I've got to go home with a hard drive full of films that might be for his mother. She'll go home with one that could be meant for me or my kid.

I know he's probably spent time doing it (a lot of time) but I've already told him many many times that I have enough with what I have. I'm just not interested in all these fucking films.

And what the fuck are the fruit and vegetables all about?

Everything always has to be weird and cryptic and about him. If he'd asked me I'd have liked an Etsy voucher or a sodding candle.

Now he's really upset that nobody cares about his hard drives. But he hasn't even said what's on any of them.

It's mad. He's not talking to me for being so ungrateful and I just feel upset that he's given me something so weird.

AIBU?

OP posts:
tillytown · 18/12/2021 16:30

He may be a bit weird but to be honest you sound a bit grasping and ungrateful regarding presents. Would you rather have something that he had thought about and put effort into, even if a total miss, or something he just spent money on?
Lol, there's always one

DaisyNGO · 18/12/2021 16:30

@Teacupsandtoast

You really want to get back together with him?

Don't. And put the hard drive in the bin

This. Forget he exists.
Cocomarine · 18/12/2021 16:31

@DontBlameMe79

Does the tone of the responses on this thread make anyone other than me uncomfortable? Implication of Autistic = Weird loser being the most recent.
I used the word loser. I’m not saying autistic = loser.
  1. Because I’m not going off an internet diagnosis that he’s even autistic.
  2. Because I think he’s a loser because he takes presents off people after giving them, gives astrology things to those who hate them, and won’t lay his way over dinner. Whilst there’s some correlation I’m sure between obsessive DVD collections and autism, the things I’m calling him a loser for are just plain dickhead behaviour. None of people with autism in my family (one sister, two nieces, one nephew, all diagnosed) are dickheads 🤷🏻‍♀️
CSJobseeker · 18/12/2021 16:31

@HazelBite

You don't suppose on the hard drive there is an invitation to a wedding and its his wierd way of proposing and letting the family know as well and the venue of the wedding is hinted at by the fruit etc??????
If that were the case, why did he not label the hard drives so it was clear which one was for the OP? He didn't label them, because he wanted the whole thing to be a headfuck. Just like when he used the unicorn gift to headfuck his sister.
Cocomarine · 18/12/2021 16:33

@DontBlameMe79 taking just one of the dickhead examples: buying someone 2 tickets to a gig you know they already have tickets for.

What do you think?

  • autism
  • weird loser
Supersimkin2 · 18/12/2021 16:33

Tip: Rescue cats OP, not loopy losers.

Dodging the bill on your birthday ain't sweet. Staggering to spend so much time on presents with so little thought for the recipients.

Cats much nicer. Also most humans.

CheshireKitten123 · 18/12/2021 16:34

OP,
I don't get this at all.
You say you are 'broken up' but are at his mother's swapping b'day presents with him. What's that all about? Confused

IMO you need to 'break up' properly go NC and give the DVD to a charity shop.
It seems that you have no boundaries and he either hasn't a sensible thought in his head or a bizarre sense of humour.

Raise the bar OP, you can do better than this.

RantyAunty · 18/12/2021 16:34

You could out daft him with strange gifts.

PP brick idea with Father Ted series. He'd probably love that!

Melons with cats painted on them. Redeemable for one cat.

He's been off work sick for 6 months?? What happened?

Guttedbuyer · 18/12/2021 16:37

This is one of the strangest things I’ve read on Mumsnet.

DontBlameMe79 · 18/12/2021 16:37

[quote Cocomarine]@DontBlameMe79 taking just one of the dickhead examples: buying someone 2 tickets to a gig you know they already have tickets for.

What do you think?

  • autism
  • weird loser[/quote]
This is just a nasty thread. Really nasty…
100problems · 18/12/2021 16:38

Why were there only 3 drives but 4 recipients?

Time40 · 18/12/2021 16:39

Don't get back together with him, OP. He's weird - but even worse, he's mean. (Can I have all the hard drives, though? I'd love to be given loads of random films.)

crochetmonkey74 · 18/12/2021 16:46

I also want to know what is on the hard drive but also what he has got you for Christmas!

Bigassbeebuzzbuzz · 18/12/2021 16:47

Maybe one of the films on the hard drive is fried green tomatoes at the whistle stop cafe Xmas Grin

Vapeyvapevape · 18/12/2021 16:47

Why say that you will be upset if you open the wrong box ? Just label them then !
Regarding the bamboo and tomatoes, has be bought you an allotment?

speakout · 18/12/2021 16:48

Why did you go on holiday with a boyfriend that you are naving a "break " with?
In my book that means an ex.
And giving you a loda of weird shit?
I'd dump the lot and block his number.
He sounds hard work and really not worth the effort.

diddl · 18/12/2021 16:50

So if you get the wrong present you won't like it and..?

He doesn't give a fuck?

AngelinaFibres · 18/12/2021 16:52

@ToMeetOrNotToMeet

I might sound like an ungrateful twat...

The gift is from my boyfriend (on/off - "on a break" at the moment, but he wants to get back together... and I wish we could as well... which is why I'm upset about this. We're just not the same.

We're at his mother's to celebrate my and her birthday. She puts on a big show, champagne, cake etc. There are six of us. We do gifts at the end. We're in a rented holiday cottage.
We swapped gifts. All very nice: ornaments, plants, choccies, jewelry, wine...

Then boyfriend pulls out a bag of apples and another bag of tomatoes and a piece of bamboo. He tells us to close our eyes and imagine being somewhere where these things are grown and being in a hotel and looking out of the window and it's raining.

Then there are three wrapped boxes. One for me. One for his mother. One for my daughter (aged 4) or his brother (aged 30). He still hasn't clarified. He says it doesn't matter who opens what, but if we get the wrong box, we won't like it.

It's three external hard drives.

We don't know whose is whose. We have no way of checking here.

He collects DVDs and Bluerays. He's obviously put a load of films on these hard drives.

I've told him in the past that I don't care about DVDs (his entire house is full of them - I mean so FULL that I can't visit. Hoarder full.). I have about 30 minutes a night to watch TV and I'm happy with Prime and Netflix).

So now, I've got to go home with a hard drive full of films that might be for his mother. She'll go home with one that could be meant for me or my kid.

I know he's probably spent time doing it (a lot of time) but I've already told him many many times that I have enough with what I have. I'm just not interested in all these fucking films.

And what the fuck are the fruit and vegetables all about?

Everything always has to be weird and cryptic and about him. If he'd asked me I'd have liked an Etsy voucher or a sodding candle.

Now he's really upset that nobody cares about his hard drives. But he hasn't even said what's on any of them.

It's mad. He's not talking to me for being so ungrateful and I just feel upset that he's given me something so weird.

AIBU?

Hard work, pain in the arse or not NT but either way any special celebration will be a let down and the more birthdays etc you have the greater the stress will be leading up to them. He sounds just like my former brothers in law. Everything was so intense it was just a giant fun sponge in every way.
Merryoldgoat · 18/12/2021 16:56

Why would you waste 5 more minutes on this arse?

NumberTheory · 18/12/2021 16:57

So his gift to you is a bunch of stolen films that may or may not be ones that you’d like if you liked films. But you aren’t really into films anyway and he knows that?

This is one of those presents that’s actually a slap in the face.

As they say, it’s the thought that counts and the thoughts here are not those of someone who is thinking much about you.

thetinsoldier · 18/12/2021 17:01

Sounds like he wants you to like what he likes and he doesn't care if you don't like those things; what he wants is more important.

He sounds intense, hard work and a little weird.

Who doesn't label presents?? And why?? Are you meant to plug the hard drive into your TV? Or a computer? Who wants to watch a film on your computer?

Why do you want to get back with him?

trumpisagit · 18/12/2021 17:03

The belief in astrology would be the end for me. Too ridiculous.
Find a new boyfriend OP.

pictish · 18/12/2021 17:03

In short he gave you a present that he would like and that gave him an opportunity to indulge his hobby.
If he’s into astrology he’s a cringe surely?

You’re right, it’s not hard to buy you a nice silver bangle. That would do me too. I wouldn’t want a hard drive full of films that someone else thinks I should watch.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 18/12/2021 17:07

Honestly, don’t get back together with this man! Why on earth would you want to? He’s never going to change - he’ll always be clueless, he’ll always be tight, he’s always going to hoard his tech stuff.

He. Will. Never. Change.

Don’t do it to yourself! And don’t do it to him either - it’ll always be wrong and you’ll end up resenting him.

Mrsmadevans · 18/12/2021 17:09

OP l don't know how on earth you can put up with this crap. You must have the patience of a saint Flowers