To think family are being selfish about Christmas mixing

[Couchbettato]

My son and I live with my grandmother, not through choice but after fleeing my XH after DV last year.

Every year my grandmother hosts Christmas dinner for 22+ people, and it's where all the kids in the family open their mind Christmas presents, my 2yo included. It's been like this since I were a child, and it's just tradition in our family.

So as usual she's hosting Christmas this year, which was always to be expected.

But, this year I've got Pneumonia and I'm on my third course of antibiotics and have sent off a second sputum sample as I keep coughing up phlegm and blood on a daily basis and frequently getting breathless.

Now I've had a bit of anxiety about Christmas coming up but I've been dealing with that on my own as I know I have no control over the day.

But what's really putting my heckles up is today my uncle came to say they're going to a restaurant as a party of 37 today for his wife's family's celebration and some of the party aren't feeling well (not sure in which way they're not feeling well so may not be covid symptoms), but as the deposit was £400 non-refundable and it would be bad for the business if they cancelled, the meal is still going ahead.

Now I have no sway in whether they'll do LFTs up to Christmas, but I am losing faith that they'd isolate if they had symptoms, though it's my sincerest wishes that they would. But I'm also worried about asymptomic transmission on Christmas day, when I may still not be any better with my current chest infection.

My grandmother won't cancel hosting as she wants to see her kids, grandkids and great grandkids, but she knows I've got no where else to go for the day. My extended family also know I've been really unwell for a while.

Aibu in thinking they're all being a bit selfish at a time where I'm really worried.

Yanbu - yes they're being a bit selfish
YABU - no, you're being the unreasonable one. Christmas must go on.

Stay in your room.

Why is your grandmother still hosting 22 people? . Anyone could bring covid with them, not just your idiot uncle.

@IncompleteSenten

Stay in your room.

With my 2 year old? All day?

I'd say yabu because you're going to a party with 22 people

@A580Hojas

Why is your grandmother still hosting 22 people? . Anyone could bring covid with them, not just your idiot uncle.

We've just got so many kids in the family.

My mum has me and my brother, I've got my own child. My nannan has 3 other sons, one who went on to procreate profusely (the one going out), who has grown up kids with partners and they have their own kids too.

She did it last year and it was fine and she's triple vaxxed and she works in a hospital and hasn't caught it yet so she feels invincible. She's also a lot healthier than I am though, but is happy to risk it because she wants to see all the kids at every opportunity as she loves them.

So he is selfish for attending a large family gathering but you aren’t?

@Teethhelp

I'd say yabu because you're going to a party with 22 people

I'm not going to a party with 22 people. The party is happening in the house I live in!

I have no where else to go.

YABU. Of course you don't get a say in the way someone else uses their house. She's being good to let you stay there. COVID aside, the householder gets to choose what they do with their own space. If it's not convenient for you, I suspect you can limit your own risk by hibernating in your room.

@Sirzy

So he is selfish for attending a large family gathering but you aren’t?

Again, I'm not "attending" anything. I bloody live here too!

Would you pay him £400 of your own money not to attend?

Yes.
If you have nowhere else to go and you're scared of mixing then yes, stay in your room. It will be difficult and you'll have to plan ahead by having enough food and drink in there and things for your child to do but since you have no right to demand your grandmother cancels this huge family event I'm not sure what else you can realistically do.

Her house = her rules. I wouldn’t be told how to be or what to do in my own home. She is doing you a favour after all

Sorry did you say last year she hosted the same gathering when indoor mixing was banned?
If so you are clearly not bothered about covid and a massive hypocrite
Really hope you meant 2019

Might be a silly suggestion, but if any of the party attenders are local and if they wouldn't mind, could you hide from the party by going to their empty house for the day?

I'm afraid you can't expect 22 people to isolate themselves in the run up to Christmas for you. This party is just one event of any times people will have social contact in the next week.

Ideally, you wouldn't spend Christmas with so many people when you aren't in good enough physical shape. Could you encourage people to test before them come as a compromise?

@TeeBee

YABU. Of course you don't get a say in the way someone else uses their house. She's being good to let you stay there. COVID aside, the householder gets to choose what they do with their own space. If it's not convenient for you, I suspect you can limit your own risk by hibernating in your room.

I can't hibernate in my room with a 2 year old on Christmas day.

My 2 yo and I bed share in a box room.

We will have to mix or risk crossing paths at some point in the day.

I appreciate it's someone else's house, but if you had a guest who was already ill would you honestly be happy risking them getting even more ill? Possibly needing some sort of hospitalisation? What would happen to my son in that instance? All because of one day.

Could you swap houses with another attendee for the day? So spend the day in someone else's house to avoid it but not be stuck in your room?

Your grandmother is being extremely generous letting the 2 of you stay. You can’t expect her to forgo her Xmas celebration because of her generosity

Can you not ask one of your family if you can hang out at their house while they are at yours? Otherwise it’s a combination of your room and the local playground - perfectly doable with a 2 year old for a day

@EndoplasmicReticulum

Might be a silly suggestion, but if any of the party attenders are local and if they wouldn't mind, could you hide from the party by going to their empty house for the day?

That's a good idea!

OP does state she has nowhere else to go after fleeing dv, she's not really 'attending'a gathering if it's in the place she lives and has nowhere else she can be. YANBU to be worried, I hope you feel better soon. Does your grandmother honestly not understand the risks of you catching covid whilst having pneumonia? Everyone is making sacrifices to protect vulnerable relatives at the moment I don't think you are BU to expect your family to have some consideration for your health especially after everything you have been through on top of it.

Sorry I don’t think anyone in a household hosting 22 this year and last is in a position to judge anyone!

@Figgygal

Sorry did you say last year she hosted the same gathering when indoor mixing was banned? If so you are clearly not bothered about covid and a massive hypocrite Really hope you meant 2019

I lived here last year too.

I can't just move out for the day.

Its her house, so her rules unfortunately.

@monsterflake

OP does state she has nowhere else to go after fleeing dv, she's not really 'attending'a gathering if it's in the place she lives and has nowhere else she can be. YANBU to be worried, I hope you feel better soon. Does your grandmother honestly not understand the risks of you catching covid whilst having pneumonia? Everyone is making sacrifices to protect vulnerable relatives at the moment I don't think you are BU to expect your family to have some consideration for your health especially after everything you have been through on top of it.

Funnily enough my grandad had copd for about 30 years and the thing that finally did him in was a chest infection, probably pneumonia as he seemed to have it constantly with little reprieve.

@Couchbettato I think you missed fiiggy's point... if you had or were at a party for Xmas last year you are being hypocritical