To think family are being selfish about Christmas mixing

[Couchbettato]

My son and I live with my grandmother, not through choice but after fleeing my XH after DV last year.

Every year my grandmother hosts Christmas dinner for 22+ people, and it's where all the kids in the family open their mind Christmas presents, my 2yo included. It's been like this since I were a child, and it's just tradition in our family.

So as usual she's hosting Christmas this year, which was always to be expected.

But, this year I've got Pneumonia and I'm on my third course of antibiotics and have sent off a second sputum sample as I keep coughing up phlegm and blood on a daily basis and frequently getting breathless.

Now I've had a bit of anxiety about Christmas coming up but I've been dealing with that on my own as I know I have no control over the day.

But what's really putting my heckles up is today my uncle came to say they're going to a restaurant as a party of 37 today for his wife's family's celebration and some of the party aren't feeling well (not sure in which way they're not feeling well so may not be covid symptoms), but as the deposit was £400 non-refundable and it would be bad for the business if they cancelled, the meal is still going ahead.

Now I have no sway in whether they'll do LFTs up to Christmas, but I am losing faith that they'd isolate if they had symptoms, though it's my sincerest wishes that they would. But I'm also worried about asymptomic transmission on Christmas day, when I may still not be any better with my current chest infection.

My grandmother won't cancel hosting as she wants to see her kids, grandkids and great grandkids, but she knows I've got no where else to go for the day. My extended family also know I've been really unwell for a while.

Aibu in thinking they're all being a bit selfish at a time where I'm really worried.

Yanbu - yes they're being a bit selfish
YABU - no, you're being the unreasonable one. Christmas must go on.

OP you sound like hard work. Simple solution… everyone arrives for Christmas, you say hellos, tag someone to keep an eye on your son so can play with cousins and not miss out, then head back to your room.
What if her DS picks up covid bringing it back to OP who has the lung capacity of a fish out of water? DC are the major spreaders.
23 people getting together this year is crazy anyway.

@Emerald5hamrock

OP you sound like hard work. Simple solution… everyone arrives for Christmas, you say hellos, tag someone to keep an eye on your son so can play with cousins and not miss out, then head back to your room. What if her DS picks up covid bringing it back to OP who has the lung capacity of a fish out of water? DC are the major spreaders. 23 people getting together this year is crazy anyway.

So everything is cancelled for 23 other people who aren’t at risk and everyone is miserable? If the OP had their own place then sure they get to dictate what they are comfortable with. The OP does not have their own place so unfortunately has to either go along or make their own arrangements.

I'm really sorry for your situation op. Your Nan is being selfish and thoughtless.

23 people meeting is foolhardy in the current circumstances. Superspreading event waiting to happen.

Op - definitely keep away from them in your room.

My god what 8s up with people on this thread? The OP is fleeing domestic violence. She has nowhere else to go, she has no 400 quid to give her uncle, she has no choice about whether either of the parties will go ahead, and while she should maybe be grateful to her gran for letting her stay (although if it was my kids or grandkids, I wouldn't feel like any gratitude was needed) I'm not sure that gratitude extends to exposing yourself to COVID during the worst wave of a pandemic when you've already got a chest infection that won't shift.

OP YANBU but could you maybe find ways to avoid being in the house with all the people? Offer to take some of the kids out to the park for an hour? And wear a mask "so as not to give people your chest infection?"

YANBU to be worried and hope for more understanding from your nannan.

Just thinking about both of my late grandmothers. I was close to both and either would have helped me, just like yours has.

And I'm 100% sure both would have cancelled the family Christmas if I was coughing up blood.

Your uncle, well i wouldn't expect as much.

Now with your pneumonia, I'd go back to the GP if the antibiotics aren't working. My gran kept getting coughs which turned into pneumonia and they kept starting with amoxicillin. The only thing that worked was clarithromycin (I think that they give you the IV version if you end up in hospital). In the end I'd go with her and ask for that first. Three lots of antibiotics should have worked by now on someone young. Time for the big guns.

Firstly, I hope you feel better soon because it sounds as if you're going through a rotten time.
Unfortunately, I don't think there's much you can do about the gathering this year apart from stay in your room away from people. Have you really firmly expressed your concern and predicament to your nan?

With regards to your nan working in a hospital and yet ignoring the Covid rules last year, I think that's absolutely piss poor to be honest.

Can you go to a refuge? It's a bit drastic but you may be able to get some emergency housing for you and DS so you can be away from everyone and they'd probably be able to help sort you with food from foodbank and/or other necessities for the short term. I don't know if this is an option given you do have a place to stay but actually being fully homeless would probably bump you & DS up the list for needing your own housing & other benefit entitlements to help you get back on your feet. Try citizens advice or social workers too as they can also sometimes help finding solutions.

Regardless you should be requesting more medical assessments and x-ray if you haven't already - if you were feeling a bit better & on the mend I'm sure you'd be less anxious.

Sorry you've been so attacked on this thread - sending a huge hug as it sounds like you're in a really shitty situation & just need some support

I think you should try one of your cousins for a place to stay for the night, or a spare room at any of the places you’ve already discounted. The Xmas stuff is going ahead at yours so just think of practical solutions.

Life sounds really hard for you at the moment OP and I can sense your frustration. Don't take your anger and resentment out of the one person helping you - your gran. She doesn't have to give you a home. You need to remember that and be more grateful and accepting or it may ruin your relationship with her - which sounds like a really important one for you.

@Couchbettato How are you? I hope the Christmas arrangements have changed as covid is ripping through families and you're doing okay.

Thinking of you @Couchbettato, hope you and your ds are doing alright

The solution would be for you to stay in bed, and for your son to join in with the party downstairs so you can get some rest.

I bet someone would bring a telly for you too if you asked.

Did your Nan host 22 last Xmas? I thought household mixing wasn't allowed last year.......

Ok hope you feel better soon,you've been asked by pp but not replied,have you had all three vaccinations?