To think this is pretty fucking awful?

[WWYD2020]

We have to stay in, waiting for test results and feel really quite ill so going out was not an option.

Our toddler has full force slapped the baby in the head with both hands 4 fucking times today, just so incredibly fast that I can’t stop him sometimes. I can’t put the baby down anywhere whilst he’s awake because 1) toddler will maul him and 2) he will usually just cry, he loves to look at us and interact, the baby hates the sling don’t even mention that .

So here I am not able to put the baby down whilst he’s awake toddler getting jealous because I can’t put the baby down even though he’s part of the reason and if the baby manages to fall asleep in the pram carry cot he just gets toys thrown at him/pram shaken/jumped on by his big brother. By the end of the day I was settling the baby on our bed and he cried every time he saw his brother coming, it was heart breaking.

What the hell are you meant to do?
Can’t put baby down (cry or get hurt). Can’t hold him (toddler jealous). Can’t put him to sleep elsewhere in day as he’s not over 6m yet so has to stay with us. Can’t put him to sleep in pram(again, brother wakes him up, usually with violence). Can’t put pram in another room because our toddler will open the doors and get to him.

Why is he in pure attack mode?
He’s cutting 4 incisors atm, so definitely more whiney than usual but we’ve been giving nurofen when he looks like he’s in pain. Didn’t make a difference today.

Honesty practical help, or advice plz what do you do?
This is awful, no?

How old is the toddler?

How old are the baby and toddler? If the toddler is 2 or over, he's old enough to start understanding a firm NO YOU DON'T. And if the baby is 6m or over, they can go on your back in a sling which most babies like a lot more than being on your front.

(PS fuck tonnes of sympathy because yep, that sounds truly grim)

17 months and 2.5 months

Sorry my brain isn’t working, he’s 3months

Sit on the floor legs out one child either side.
The toddler cannot hit your baby.
Exercise the toddler to get rid of pent up energy early in the day e.g. racing around garden or lounge or jumping jacks

Do you have a DP around? You need to divide and conquer.

That really does sound grim. The only bit of advice I can muster is take toddler to park during baby's nap in pushchair? Does toddler go to nursery at all? How old are they?

Oh gosh ok, so really the older one is also only a baby himself. Is he tired perhaps? Mine was a violent little twat when overtired.

Can toddler get through baby gates? If not then you need to seperate them in different rooms. My ds2 would sleep in a baby bouncer in corner of room while I distracted/played with his 2yo big brother. Would that work?
Travel cot with a cover over? Toddler play pen for either baby or toddler?
Show big brother how to interact with baby so model gentle hands or tickle baby's tummy/ toes with lots of praise. This takes a few weeks to get over the jealousy.
Helpful book would be 'Siblings without rivalry' for some different strategies.
Offer toddler a snack which takes time to eat eg raisins/ baby crisps, when trying to get baby to sleep.
Hope some of these ideas help.

So older child not yet 1.5? And just over 1 when baby was born? You must be absolutely exhausted, how much is older baby walking?

2.5 years isn't to young to learn right from wrong. I'd start putting him on the naughty step when he lashes out.

@AmIAGrinchx

2.5 years isn't to young to learn right from wrong. I'd start putting him on the naughty step when he lashes out.

Ingore that. Just seen his actual age. Does your husband help?

Would a play pen work? You either sit inside with the little one or the eldest can go in with his tablet/blocks/paw patrol whatever he likes?

That sounds so hard op xx

@Feetupteashot

Sit on the floor legs out one child either side. The toddler cannot hit your baby. Exercise the toddler to get rid of pent up energy early in the day e.g. racing around garden or lounge or jumping jacks

Then he throws things at him. Mostly I am fast enough to block those but sometimes not

Aww your toddler is a baby too

Exercise the toddler as much as possible. Get a playpen for baby or possibly fir toddler! Tbh it is very low risk if baby naps in another room during the day, I would probably do that.

Can you pop the baby in the pram for a few minutes while you give the toddler something to do with his hands. He needs a distraction from the teeth and he's probably bothering the baby out of frustration and possible boredom.
Do some messy play, homemade playdo can be turned into decorations or biscuits dough etc let him squish it shape it and you tell him he has to be nice and quiet while you bake it. The process might help get some frustration out. Do give lots of praise etc. Hope it all gets better soon x

The baby will be fine in his cot for an hour or two, especially with a baby monitor on or you checking regularly.

The toddler needs to be told no for any violent act, but I suspect he wants some attention. When baby is asleep, cuddle toddler, read a story or watch a favourite show together remind him how much you love him.

Mine are 10 and 12 and I still remember being distraught and torn between which one to go to when both were crying, tired or poorly go easy on yourself if you're feeling poorly too. This will pass...

Not read whole thread so sorry if repeating but can you involve toddler more so they become your “invaluable helper” with the baby?

Might take some of the jealousy away

I would have naps in a separate room and use a video monitor. The risk of injury by your toddler seems greater than the risk of being monitored from a nearby room.

You have two babies I really feel for you. 17 month old needs a LOT of love and attention. More than baby tbh. Can you get any nursery sorted?

Problem is the toddler is still pretty much a baby himself and will be needing bucket loads of attention. If he's getting attention, albeit negative, from hurting his sibling then that will probably increase the behaviour.
Mine aren't quite so close in age but for naptimes pre-6 months I'd hold the baby and spend time reading or watching a favourite programme with the older one.

Yeah so DH is great, except when he’s not there and at work 🤦🏽‍♀️. When he gets home we take one each usually and swap around from activity to activity throughout the evening/day sos nobody gets jealous.

He understands ‘no’ but today one of the slaps was really bad, it shocked me to be honest, I shouted ‘no, we don’t do that’ really loudly and pulled him by his arm away from the baby and he laughed.. he laughed. I had to take a minute then and come back because I didn’t know how to react to that. We try and keep ‘no’ for really bad stuff, and when it’s not so bad we just show him a different way.

It would make my life so much easier if I could plonk then baby in his cot and just go downstairs, he sleeps great. No settling needed just put him down and he drifts off it’s amazing, our first was never like that 😂. I’ve been flapping about the e fact they take their heart rate/breathing rate from you?

He is an invaluable helper in some aspects, puts every nappy in the bin 😅 even his own.

Actually he loooooves messy play, I should have whipped the paints out today what a plonker. 🤦🏽‍♀️

Can you get a play pen/room divider? We had one that could convert to either. Maybe put the toddler in there with a limited number of toys that are too big to throw, e.g. like a stand up baby piano, just so you can have a moment of peace. Another solution is to remove all toys from downstairs and just bring down 1-3 toys at a time so that you’re not constantly battling all the little bits that are easy to find and throw. Toddlers of that age play independently a bit better when less is around anyway.

I imagine how hard your situation is as the toddler is too young to be reasoned with. If it’s any consolation, I have a friend that is going through the exact same thing with her baby/toddler at the moment.

Thanks you’re all being very kind 😩