Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at not getting thank you note to acknowledge presents

364 replies

Londonlassie12 · 17/12/2021 00:25

My dd is in an elite team sport & last Xmas & this Xmas I sent her coaches (5 in total) lovely gifts I would be delighted to recieve (yankee candle gift set.. Full sized jar with 3 little candles ) Not one of the coaches text to say thanks... Dd brought them to training last Monday... I'm very disheartened... DH is more pragmatic, his theory is we pay a fortune for training, a card & bottle of wine should suffice & I should stop acting as if we owe anymore... Aibu to be upset at not having the (expensive) gifts acknowledged?

OP posts:
bizboz · 17/12/2021 00:30

I wouldn't expect a text or note if they said thank you at the time of receiving the gift. I think texts or notes are more for when you don't get the gift in person.

Persephoned · 17/12/2021 00:32

Did they say thanks to your DD when she gave the gifts?

Thesearmsofmine · 17/12/2021 00:33

Did they say thank you when they were given the gift? If so then I don’t think they need to send a text as well. Tbh I’m with your DH a bottle of wine and a card is fine, a lot of people aren’t fans of Yankee candles so unless you know that are particular fans of them then I wouldn’t spend a lot of money on them.

Original poster
Londonlassie12 · 17/12/2021 00:33

It was my 7 year old daughter gave it in at training... Yet the same coaches have posted pics of pressies recieved on social media thanking certain parents which is a bit😞 not that I want a social media shout out... Just a thank you text for for the lovely card & gift from dd, much appreciated...

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 17/12/2021 00:35

Well Christmas hasn't happened yet this year, so they likely won't have opened this year's presents yet.

But if they didn't say thank you after last year's expensive presents, YABU to buy them expensive presents again this year with the expectation of a different response.

Ionlydomassiveones · 17/12/2021 00:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster
Londonlassie12 · 17/12/2021 00:37

Personally I love Yankees & I thought the gift sets would be a really nice gift... I'm anxious by nature & tbh I'm upset that ffs gifts have not been acknowledged while her teammates are...

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 17/12/2021 00:40

Perhaps they're not as into candles as you are, OP.

I wouldn't read too much into it, and I would try not to take it personally. You can't control other people's behaviour and it might just be that they interact with different parents in different ways on social media, or that they're busy or they forgot.

Original poster
Londonlassie12 · 17/12/2021 00:44

The sets were 35 quid each & dd helped me wrap them & she did the cards.. I feel deflated.. If anyone gives me anything ever I send a thank you immediately.... it's just nice... DH say I need to stop acting like we owe them something, tuition is costing a fortune

OP posts:
flowersforbrains · 17/12/2021 00:47

It's very kind of you and I would have sent a message to say thank you but I really think I'm in the minority.

I actually can't stand this need to give gifts to everyone and his wife. I used to volunteer with children for many years. We all put a lot of hours in and I really can't remember getting anything from any of the parents. I guess it was different times but there seemed to be a lot less angst back then.

alienbaby · 17/12/2021 00:48

I think that's shit OP and I understand why you're deflated I would feel the same. Its not much to ask for is it?

Dafyddw · 17/12/2021 00:51

I suppose its a bit rude if they have acknowledged certain people and not others. I wouldn't bother personally. That's a lot of money. Spend on something nice for yourself in future.

Original poster
Londonlassie12 · 17/12/2021 00:53

Thanks for understanding, I'm so upset here, we give 100% to our child's activity, drive her all over the country, always pay her fees on time.. Always try our best to give a nice gift at Christmas & it's not appreciated... I do think hubby's probably right & I need to stop acting like we owe them more than term fees...

OP posts:
Original poster
Londonlassie12 · 17/12/2021 00:55

Thanks for the replies, yes I think that's the end of the gifts, I spent 35 quid each on 5 coaches so 175 quid😢 a simple thanks for acknowledging would be nice...

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 17/12/2021 00:56

If you're that bothered about not getting a thank you, then don't spend that much money or make that much effort next year

If someone bought me some candies, I wouldn't guess they cost that much, tbh. I get that you're into them, but not everyone is, and they might not appreciate them in the same way.

I appreciate that you would say thank you if you were the recipient, but you can't know what anyone's life is like and if you're giving them with the expectation of being told how wonderful the presents are, I think you might be looking at this the wrong way.

You're presumably giving them presents to show your appreciation of the effort they've put into their coaching, rather than to be thanked or appreciated yourself. If that's the case, and these presents are a genuine token of thanks, then you've done your part and can now relax.

Dafyddw · 17/12/2021 00:59

@Londonlassie12

Thanks for the replies, yes I think that's the end of the gifts, I spent 35 quid each on 5 coaches so 175 quid😢 a simple thanks for acknowledging would be nice...
Yeah, that's a lot of cash. Just send a card next time if you want to acknowledge them. I don't really bother to do that tbh. I think the vast amount of cash I spend on small people's activities is enough. Just forget it and move on. No point dwelling on it, it will make things feel worse.
Medievalist · 17/12/2021 01:06

Not everyone likes candles. I find heavily scented ones like Yankee overpowering and a bit headache inducing. I've been given a few over the years and they're just gathering dust. I think a nice bottle of wine is a safer (and cheaper!) bet if you want to give a gift.

I agree it's rude to single out some gifts on social media and not others. But that aside I wouldn't really expect a coach to do anything other than say thank you to your dd when she hands over the gift.

Original poster
Londonlassie12 · 17/12/2021 01:08

I understand what your saying but they're a small specialist group, there's only 5 of them in it the coaching group includes specialists... I don't want to be the sport as it would probably put us!

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 17/12/2021 01:09

If they received a gift from every child they work with, that’s a heck of a lot of thank you messages. If they were given them at training, they might not even have registered which gift came from which family.

You clearly put some thought into the gifts but if you’re not the sort of person who is into smelly candles, you wouldn’t know how expensive Yankee Candle is, so it could seem like bog-standard women’s gifts. Jo Malone seems to be the aspirational smelly candle but that is way more expensive.

Out of interest, what were the gifts that got shout outs on social media? Maybe take the hint!

converseandjeans · 17/12/2021 01:10

I don't think you should spend that much if you're already paying for the activity.

Not everyone likes Yankee Candies and I wouldn't expect them to cost that much.

I get my children to write thank you notes - but I wouldn't expect a thank you from adults in this circumstance. You're thanking them so there's no need for them to thank you.

A bottle of champagne might go down better & you could probably get a deal at Waitrose.

alienbaby · 17/12/2021 01:11

Nah they are fucking rude it takes like 20 seconds to type "hello OP thank you so much for the gift, have a great Christmas"

CatNameChange101 · 17/12/2021 01:12

It doesn’t matter whether it’s not your cup of tea, you say thank you for a gift. Equally you don’t give a gift on the expectation of thank you.

Justajot · 17/12/2021 01:15

Thank you notes are for when you don't hand the gift over in person and my grandma. The social media thanks are a bit weird.

If I received candles they'd just end up in the school tombola. If you are going to spend that much, it might as well be on a voucher so they can pick something they actually want.

Original poster
Londonlassie12 · 17/12/2021 01:19

Sorry the title read wrong, should have said text, a thank you text!
Personally I acknowledge everything, a cute card thankinh me for a baby gift I reply with love the baby thank you card etc... Out of 5 of them not one responded... Even a thank you we love coaching x happy Christmas would acknowledge the gift...

OP posts:
RunRunGingerbreadMan · 17/12/2021 01:20

If they were wrapped is it possible they haven't been opened yet? Maybe other gifts weren't and you'll get a thank you for yours after Christmas Day. Or they may have been amongst other things and got a bit forgotten? You could always message and say you just want to check they received it OK etc. It is a very generous gift and I'd be happy to receive it, though I definitely don't think you need to spend as much.

Swipe left for the next trending thread