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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset at not getting thank you note to acknowledge presents

364 replies

Londonlassie12 · 17/12/2021 00:25

My dd is in an elite team sport & last Xmas & this Xmas I sent her coaches (5 in total) lovely gifts I would be delighted to recieve (yankee candle gift set.. Full sized jar with 3 little candles ) Not one of the coaches text to say thanks... Dd brought them to training last Monday... I'm very disheartened... DH is more pragmatic, his theory is we pay a fortune for training, a card & bottle of wine should suffice & I should stop acting as if we owe anymore... Aibu to be upset at not having the (expensive) gifts acknowledged?

OP posts:

Toplowlight · 17/12/2021 06:44

I do think that in general, it’s very important to thank people for gifts. PPs saying they wouldn’t say thank you for a gift they don’t like are incredibly ill-mannered.

The only thing I can think is that if a lot of children do this sport and give gifts, they maybe simply don’t have time to send 30 or so thank yous and so just thank the children when the presents are handed over. I think that is ok - I wouldn’t expect teachers, for example, to send thank yous to parents as long as they thanked the children when they gave them the gifts.

Thefuturestory · 17/12/2021 06:46

Personally I think they are being regifted. No one really wants a Yankee gift sets ( except my mother and she’s been told I don’t!)

Porcupineintherough · 17/12/2021 06:47

@Ionlydomassiveones

If someone gave me a load of Yankee candles I’d be silent too. Your DH is completely right.

Then you'd be really ficking rude

girlmom21 · 17/12/2021 06:47

@Londonlassie12

Sorry the title read wrong, should have said text, a thank you text! Personally I acknowledge everything, a cute card thankinh me for a baby gift I reply with love the baby thank you card etc... Out of 5 of them not one responded... Even a thank you we love coaching x happy Christmas would acknowledge the gift...

You thank people for thank you cards? Do you then expect them to thank you for your thank you text for their thank you card?

I think you're being a bit precious. Presumably they'd have said thank you at the time.

It seems really strange more than one coach would post pictures on social media too.

HelloDulling · 17/12/2021 06:48

Off-topic, but can a seven year old really be in an ‘elite team sport’?

In gymnastics, absolutely.

Corbally · 17/12/2021 06:51

@HelloDulling

Off-topic, but can a seven year old really be in an ‘elite team sport’?

In gymnastics, absolutely.

Ah, ok, I was reading ‘team sport’ as meaning something entirely different, but you’re probably right.

Soubriquet · 17/12/2021 06:53

@Londonlassie12

The sets were 35 quid each & dd helped me wrap them & she did the cards.. I feel deflated.. If anyone gives me anything ever I send a thank you immediately.... it's just nice... DH say I need to stop acting like we owe them something, tuition is costing a fortune

Thank you notes are very outdated now. I’ve never received nor sent a thank you note

As long as they said thank you when they received the gift, that’s enough

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 17/12/2021 06:53

Is the sport weight lifting ?
5 sets of candles must weigh a bit for a 7 year old to carry and distribute on her own.

It does seem strange that not one of them thanked you OP, I would have expected the odd text to be honest.

Snuggledupforwinter · 17/12/2021 06:54

Am I the only paranoid person that feels if I get a scented candle gift someone's trying to tell me my house pongs

Walktwomoons · 17/12/2021 06:56

Perhaps this will sound awful, but when I was teaching I would often have 10 children all thrusting boxes of chocolate at me at the same time. i would thank all the children when they gave me the presents but when I did try to give cards one year, I gave up because the children would not give me 5 seconds to write down who had given what. obviously some gifts really stood out and your Yankee candles would have been the sort of gift I would show off to everyone, especially if your daughter had done the cards with you. I wouldn't have done a note or text (not that I could have texted). But I also wouldn't have put stuff on social media and I think that is tacky and inappropriate of them to do. They definitely shouldn't be publicly favouring some parents over others! Give them a box of horrible raffaello chocolates from the pound shop next year!

Echoesandsilence · 17/12/2021 06:56

Its strange they posted other gifts on social media. Were the other gifts personalised making them things that cant be re gifted? Agree with PP that they might be re-gifting your gifts and thats why they were mentioned on social media.

I honestly dont think I'd expect a personal reply though. I would expect a thank you to the child when they hand over the gift, but not to go.out of their way to thank me as well by text.

This thread just shows though how people really perceive things differently. You think the candles are a lovely thoughful gift while so many disagree. Some who disagree think that wine is a better gift. Personally I wouldnt want either.

refraction · 17/12/2021 06:56

If they aren't candle people they may not even realise the cost of yankee candles. They may think it was a few pounds or a regift from a raffle.

I do think they could have sent you a text though if they have your number.

KatherineJaneway · 17/12/2021 06:56

How much did the presents they acknowledge cost?

Looneytune253 · 17/12/2021 06:59

Wow that's an expensive gift but unfortunately they may not have been well received. Candles aren't liked by many (most?) so they may not have appreciated just how expensive a gift they are. I certainly wouldn't have expected a separate thank you text I'm afraid

rrhuth · 17/12/2021 07:00

@Londonlassie12

£35 each?!!

You are spending more on these people than I spend on my parents!

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 17/12/2021 07:02

I don't say this often on Mumsnet, but.... your DH is right.

rattlemehearties · 17/12/2021 07:02

This is bizarre - a gift for teacher (coach in this case) is a thank you gift, so they shouldn't thank you for the thank you... Sorry OP but YABU

NotAnotherCrapHamper · 17/12/2021 07:03

Did they say thank-you at the time? Notes are usually for gifts given in absentia
Lots of people dont unwrap until Christmas Day. I was a Headteacher and most of my staff put gift under their trees at home
You cant write 30 plus thank-you cards. Often there isnt a gift label or a card with the giver is detached from the present. As a teacher I tried for a few years but had to admit defeat (plus my time and the cost)
People being snooty about Yankee candles are just wanting to feel superior. Not what I would choose but perfectly acceptable as a gift to someone that you dont know well.

NotAnotherCrapHamper · 17/12/2021 07:04

Putting on social media is unbelievably rude.

Somersetlady · 17/12/2021 07:06

I coach an elite sport I can’t imagine getting excited about a Yankee candle set that you obviously live but I don’t.

I am sure the coach thanked your daughter verbally when she handed over the present and will do the same with you if they don’t text.

Maybe they haven’t even opened it yet?

Joystir59 · 17/12/2021 07:06

I give all candles received to the charity shop. I can't stand them. Stop!

Somersetlady · 17/12/2021 07:06

•love not live

Lanique · 17/12/2021 07:07

It is rude not to acknowledge a gift, whether it is liked or not. I'm staggered by the number of MNers who seem to think their rudeness is justified because 'they too wouldn't like scented candles' entitled, much? Such bad manners.

Op YANBU to be upset, especially as some gifts have been acknowledged on SM, but YABU to spend so much. I get the feeling its the kind of club where the parents are more competitive than the kids? These types of elite clubs usually are more about the parents than the children. Next year, take a step back and get them a small token.

Somersetlady · 17/12/2021 07:09

@Londonlassie12

Thanks for understanding, I'm so upset here, we give 100% to our child's activity, drive her all over the country, always pay her fees on time.. Always try our best to give a nice gift at Christmas & it's not appreciated... I do think hubby's probably right & I need to stop acting like we owe them more than term fees...

You do this for Your child’s benefit not for the coaches???

wtaf37 · 17/12/2021 07:10

Yankee candles?

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