To be upset at not getting thank you note to acknowledge presents

[Londonlassie12]

My dd is in an elite team sport & last Xmas & this Xmas I sent her coaches (5 in total) lovely gifts I would be delighted to recieve (yankee candle gift set.. Full sized jar with 3 little candles ) Not one of the coaches text to say thanks... Dd brought them to training last Monday... I'm very disheartened... DH is more pragmatic, his theory is we pay a fortune for training, a card & bottle of wine should suffice & I should stop acting as if we owe anymore... Aibu to be upset at not having the (expensive) gifts acknowledged?

Of course they should have thanked you. How rude not to! It doesn't matter what the gift is.

I think though that your DH has the right idea here. A bottle of wine and a card is perfectly sufficient. Otherwise, you are certainly spending far too much money here.

Certainly step back from your fixation on Yankee candles. They can look and smell very nice, but aren't everyone's cup of tea.

I am not a fan of candles of any sort because I am very worried about the fire risk from them. I would still have been gracious enough to thank anyone who didn't know that (nobody is psychic) and bought me one. I never light them though.

@limitedperiodonly

I usually give a token gift or gift card they can enjoy for treats through the year. Something like Costa or M&S etc.

I wish people wouldn't do this @Knittinglibby. I don't doubt that it is a generous gesture but it would be wasted on me and many people. I've never been in Costa because coffee and a sandwich is not my idea of a treat. I recently treated myself to some sensible cotton knickers from M&S because there was nothing else and the card was going to expire. They weren't even the colour or design I liked.

That's the trick. These companies don't provide anything but a time-limited promise to pay in goods. The cards get voided if they're not spent in time and the company keeps your money. The worst for this is WH Smith.

I have £200 in accumulated gift cards from John Lewis but I don't need anything from there apart from bed linen but I didn't like the designs. I could buy stuff but it would be a waste. On Christmas Day I'll open another £50 that I can't spend and would rather people kept in their bank accounts than John Lewis's.

At least a Yankee candle is tangible and would smell nice and I wouldn't be brooding about non-tangible assets on a countdown to zero in a company's bank account. Why not give people cash so they can decide?

Why don't you buy toys for a children's charity or something with the vouchers you don't want?

@SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree I have direct debits for three charities - not children's ones. I expect you give generously to charity too.

Where do you get the impression I don't need or want the money or that the people who give me a present would give it to someone else if I refused it?

The point of my post was to encourage people not to waste their money on gift cards out of a feeling that cash is vulgar. It is not, is it? You or I might choose not to give cash to someone who would spend it on self destruction like drugs or alcohol but that isn't the thinking behind giving a Boot's or M&S gift card.

People often don't want to buy from your favourite shop or shove the card to the back of the drawer until it has expired. In that case a large business like Costa, M&S, W.H. Smith, John Lewis etc gets money for nothing. It's a scheme and if the recipient redeems the gift card with them they haven't lost and will make a profit. That's fair. But if the recipient doesn't they've made money for nothing.

Far better to spread it around where it is needed.

Plus the fact that deserving children probably don't want takeaway Costa coffee.

We get small gifts for DS teacher, TA and the lovely member of office staff who sorts everything I've ever asked for including popping to class to let DS know another family member is collecting him when I've been held up at work.

Teacher thanked DS when he handed it over
TA sent a little selection box home with him but hasn't verbally spoken to me
Office lady telephoned to thank me for leaving a gift for her which was lovely

Footy Coach thanked DS again I didn't see him so he hasn't thanked me but as long as he was polite when DS handed it over that will do me

Maybe not opened yet but TBH candles I always assume are re-gifted......

Me too. The minute someone gives me a candle I’m working out who to give it to.

Maybe the stuff they’re shouting out on SM is to fellow businesses, mutually beneficial promo stuff? Otherwise that’s a bit rude!

I rarely tip and only buy presents for close friends and family, certainly never anyone who has been well paid for providing a service. A card is the limit.

I was recently on a day coach trip where all but me and one other had cash on them and contributed £2-5 each in tips for the driver and person who checked us on and off. There was no tour, he just drove and the other person just booked us on. They both had a free Christmas lunch as there were 30 of us in the party. In these instances I never tip. The minimum they each received in tips was £28 and could have been double that amount.

Your mistake was buying them gifts that you would like. They’d probably have appreciated more a box of protein bars for them to share. At least go some way of making them personal and appropriate.

Who gives presents worth £35 to coaches? That smacks of bribery... I have given you this, please give my child special consideration... Most organisations fo not allow their coaches to accept personal gifts. Handing in 2 or 4 boxes of chocolates or biscuits or something else to share is the norm. Then there are no conflicts of interest for staff. I still can't believe you spent that amount of money...

Personally I hate Yankee candles so don’t think it’s that great a gift but hey ho. They may not have opened them yet but why in goodness name are you buying gifts go of people who you pay to coach your kid. Very bizarre behaviour or are you trying to curry favour?

I'm a great one for sending and receiving thank you cards. It's a great pleasure to get them even if just email/facebook. I admit to stopping presents to family and friends who never mentioned what they'd been given or whether even they liked them.

However I wouldn't expect to write a thank you to a 7 year old student. What do teachers think? Writing a card to each of 30 children sounds OTT - a generic FB or . Bu then I wouldn't give presents to private specialist sports tutors I was paying to teach my child. An appropriate card sounds good to me.