Is this a bonkers idea - possibly leaving my family at Christmas to go to an adult child

[Comefromaway]

Dd is a student. She had a dreadful 2020-2021 (she has autism) but since starting her new course is much better. She has a part time job in her university city and had to choose between booking time off before of after Christmas so she chose before. The plan was her shift will finish at 5pm Christmas Eve then she will drive home arriving around 11pm.

But covid is going mad down there. Her course went online due to so many coming down with it. She travels each day on packed public transport. She is public facing. Today her workplace had to close because too many people are ill. She is very likely to catch it (she is vaccinated and caught it last summer but even so).

I do NOT want dd to spend Christms alone in one room. I have discovered that for £50 I can book a Premier Inn 10 mins walk from her house (she has a room in a shared house). WIBU to book it and if she tests positive travel down to be able to see her on Christmas Day. I'd be leaving dh and ds back home. They can't come as dh has to be there for his elderly father who is facing the first xmas without mil at home.

The Premier Inn can be cancelled with no charge up to 12 noon on the day.

Adult kids need their Mum's too so I say go with your gut instinct. X

Go and spend Xmas with your daughter. It’s what you want to do and everyone else will be fine. Sounds like she needs you

She has autism and needs support. If she has autism she is entitled to reasonable adjustments by law. Only you know what will work for her and often people with autism have very fixed ideas. I would 100% go with your plan. Other people might not understand but that's life. I'm sure you could stay with her if you became ill.

Will anyone else be in the house share or just DD?

I also have an autistic student daughter who is coming home for Christmas ( from abroad). If she caught Covid she would be on her own, because I wouldn't be able to get to her and DH has health problems.
Yes you should book the room, but would the sensible option not be just to bring her home, as you would be breaking rules anyway. She wouldn't be able to work if she did have Covid and she would be stuck on her own through New Year. How depressing. At least she would have her family around if she was self isolating in your house. Plus, as you say, you could do the journey without stopping.

If you’re gonna break the rules just let her come home

I would drive down and collect her, drive her home for Xmas, then back after Boxing day. If she gets I'll she can self isolate in her room at home. I would hate the thought she might get I'll away and spend Xmas I'll and alone.

I hate to say this and feel a tad guilty but I'm going to anyway. My daughter has various disability both physical and mental and I'm afraid I'd be 'pulling the disability card', explaining to work and education due to the current climate dd will be coming home for at least a couple of weeks. Work can't discriminate due to a disability and if the course has gone online it doesn't make a difference. Go collect DD and bring her home whilst you can (obviously of she was happy with that)

Sort of sounds like you’ve already made your mind up OP!

Why are you so determined she's going to get covid. Dc have covid and near the end of isolation dd2 has been sleeping in my bed every night, breathing directly in my face and stealing my drinks when my back is turned, Dd1 likes about 49 hugs a day and I've not caught it, that's without a previous covid infection. However your plan and breaking the rules for the sake what you have planned seem a bit pointless. If she's isolating for 10 days a couple of hours Xmas day then the other 9 alone is still going to be pretty miserable. Just go and get her if she tests positive rather than letting her drive if she doesn't feel up to the full drive without stopping.

Do it x

Tell her to quit the job now and come home early

She will get another job easily. More jobs than people

So many jobs in London for students. She needs to speak with her boss. Explain the situation and say she's leaving.

If she's not at work and can do her uni stuff at home, why can't she leave and come home now? It's a difficult situation, but if my child was in a high risk covid env, I'd pull them out rather than go visit.

Just stay within the rules and do whatever you want. Just don't pick and choose which laws you follow.

Not sure if ive missed anything as ive not read all the posts.
Why if daughters course is now on line cant she come home for Christmas before catching it, as you say.

So if she's +ve you're going to travel up and meet her for a few days???
Surely if she is diagnosed with Covid she should isolate and you should stay away unless you want to isolate or perhaps carry it back home to your DS DH and his elderly father.
I think you need to come up with a better solution, she might not even be +ve anyway!

@Barney60

Not sure if ive missed anything as ive not read all the posts. Why if daughters course is now on line cant she come home for Christmas before catching it, as you say.

Because she is due back in work today fingers crossed. They were only closed for 2 days.

She absolutely LOVES this job, she is hoping for progression there beyond just a student job.

I would go and be with my child, l’m sure it will give her a boost of positive energy…
Her and my mental health would be my priority to be honest, all well and good following rules but sometimes you just have to prioritise mental health over everything else, just cuddle up and avoid everyone else, you can even do it in your room and have take away and movie marathons ♥️

@gogohm

She's autistic and not allowed to drive

What do you mean by this exactly?? Yes, she’s autistic, yes, she can drive ….

Why the rush to decide now? 180 miles isn't far. Loads of young and old adults are still working in public facing roles. It seems a huge fuss over something that may not happen. Just drive down on xmas eve if need be