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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a bonkers idea - possibly leaving my family at Christmas to go to an adult child

196 replies

Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 14:00

Dd is a student. She had a dreadful 2020-2021 (she has autism) but since starting her new course is much better. She has a part time job in her university city and had to choose between booking time off before of after Christmas so she chose before. The plan was her shift will finish at 5pm Christmas Eve then she will drive home arriving around 11pm.

But covid is going mad down there. Her course went online due to so many coming down with it. She travels each day on packed public transport. She is public facing. Today her workplace had to close because too many people are ill. She is very likely to catch it (she is vaccinated and caught it last summer but even so).

I do NOT want dd to spend Christms alone in one room. I have discovered that for £50 I can book a Premier Inn 10 mins walk from her house (she has a room in a shared house). WIBU to book it and if she tests positive travel down to be able to see her on Christmas Day. I'd be leaving dh and ds back home. They can't come as dh has to be there for his elderly father who is facing the first xmas without mil at home.

The Premier Inn can be cancelled with no charge up to 12 noon on the day.

OP posts:
SayAaa · 14/12/2021 15:17

That's a great idea, I'd do it in your situation. There's no way I'd leave my child alone at Christmas in those circumstances, regardless of 'the rules'.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 15:18

To be fair she is much better but the GP wants her to stay on her meds as they help with sensory issues.

This course and job have been the making of her. She is back to being my happy little girl (well young lady) after a terrible year at her last college.

OP posts:
Booklover3 · 14/12/2021 15:19

@Randomgal28

I get your point but if you go into her house while she has covid then drive 200 miles home you’re still putting a lot of people at risk - if you breakdown, get petrol etc etc. I get what you’re saying about when your son had covid you didn’t need to isolate but you couldn’t avoid living in the same house as him. You’d be putting yourself at risk going into her house if she does become positive 😟
I would put myself at risk if my parents or children needed me and they had Covid.

If she has petrol, a reliable car and doesn’t stop she is unlikely to put anyone at risk except for herself.

Postitmug · 14/12/2021 15:19

If she doesn't catch Covid: stick to the original plan and your DD can drive home.

If she does catch Covid: drive to get her and let her recover and isolate at home. Take her back to uni after 10 days or whenever she's well enough.

Happy1982ish · 14/12/2021 15:20

I really am struggling to see the dilemma here Hmm

Mulhollandmagoo · 14/12/2021 15:28

If her work has closed and her course has moved online, could she not just come home now? That way she can spend some time isolating at home and do a test in a few days/a week and then just enjoy Xmas at home with no stress?

IseeScottishhills · 14/12/2021 15:32

It’s 180 miles not 1080 miles!! I think your both over thinking the drive. I agree it’s good to stop if you can but if she did have Covid (and was well enough to drive) I really don’t think it’s beyond most people to drive 180 without stopping regardless of how long you’ve had a driving license for n order to prevent others from getting infected.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 15:33

@Mulhollandmagoo

If her work has closed and her course has moved online, could she not just come home now? That way she can spend some time isolating at home and do a test in a few days/a week and then just enjoy Xmas at home with no stress?
They re-open on Thursday
OP posts:
JuergenSchwarzwald · 14/12/2021 15:35

I'd be a lot more worried about her doing a six hour drive in the dark than I would her catching covid.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 15:37

It's 3 and a half hour non stop. But she has to leave her car outside the city and get to it first from work, plus she usually takes a few stops.

I am worried, especially if the weather is bad, which is why she usually takes it steady with plenty of stops.

OP posts:
Namechangehereandnow · 14/12/2021 15:40

@IseeScottishhills

It’s 180 miles not 1080 miles!! I think your both over thinking the drive. I agree it’s good to stop if you can but if she did have Covid (and was well enough to drive) I really don’t think it’s beyond most people to drive 180 without stopping regardless of how long you’ve had a driving license for n order to prevent others from getting infected.
The OP’s dd is not ‘most people’ …. you’re either ignoring her disability or you don’t understand the disability. OP has clearly stated why her dd cannot drive that far.

As a mother of an adult child with ASD I absolutely understand why your dd can’t make that drive in 1 OP.

However, I definitely agree you’re way overthinking this. If your dd was Covid positive, you have contact with her - you then can’t drive home to the rest of your family in case you’ve caught it. It’s easy to say you can drive it with no stops - you can’t predict a breakdown of your car, an accident ….

Your plan has many holes in it.

SenselessUbiquity · 14/12/2021 15:41

Book it. Decide what you are going to actually do as things unfold over the next 10 days. Make the decisions that put fewest people at risk while your dd doesn't spend Christmas alone. A lot of very sad and isolating things have happened over the past couple of years and not all of them, although technically the only things that could correctly have been done, were really the best things, with the benefit of hindsight. We're nearly 2 years into this pandemic, we all need to approach this with some maturity and deep thought and in the full knowledge that this isn't some crazy extreme short lived scenario. Listen to your heart and listen to your best judgement.

Happy1982ish · 14/12/2021 15:49

I would not want my daughter driving

But bloody hell I wouldn’t think twice about driving it

Why exactly are you thinking twice about it given you’ve done you’re done won’t care unless deprived of his piano and you dh understandably wants to be present for his father

Happy1982ish · 14/12/2021 15:49

You son won’t care

That’s what I meant to say

Suretobe · 14/12/2021 15:52

@AutumnLeaves21

If she had it last year and is fully vaccinated, she’s quite unlikely to catch it. I wouldn’t leave my younger child and husband, no. Think you’re being quite dramatic tbh.
Unless you are an epidemiologist with access to unpublished data this is unsubstantiated. People in my network are testing positive with exactly that history.
laurenlodge · 14/12/2021 15:53

If she gets COVID she'd be off work anyway....so can just be at yours and isolate if necessary!?

CovidMakesThingsHarder · 14/12/2021 15:53

@AutumnLeaves21

If she had it last year and is fully vaccinated, she’s quite unlikely to catch it. I wouldn’t leave my younger child and husband, no. Think you’re being quite dramatic tbh.
Tell that to the people on their third infection plus long covid. Infection over 3months prior doesn’t always stop it
cloudyrain · 14/12/2021 15:54

As the parent of a 20 something DC with Autism and depression, who is also away at Uni, although they can't drive, in your position I would not leave my DC alone at Christmas.
I did leave her 'alone' whilst she had COVID in the summer but she wasn't that ill, the weather was nice, she had a housemate and they were 'in it together' plus it was a week before I was due to go and visit for a long break.

As this is an only if, I would be inclined to book the Premier Inn just in case.

I have other DC that can drive and at 20 with only 1 year of experience I don't think I would be letting them do a 3.5 hour drive at 5pm on Christmas Eve after a day at work. I would probably have sent DH to collect or suggested that they come home on Christmas morning when the roads are quiet.

shouldistop · 14/12/2021 15:55

She is very likely to catch it (she is vaccinated and caught it last summer but even so).

Have you missed some info about her not having a functioning immune system?

Scandisaurus · 14/12/2021 15:59

Drive and get her and let her spend Christmas at home (even if in an isolated part of your house? I can’t see the difference, if you’d see her and potentially take it home with you anyway?

toolazytothinkofausername · 14/12/2021 16:06

@Comefromaway You are the expert of your family. You must do what is right for them.

SequinsandStiIettos · 14/12/2021 16:09

100% I would do this OP: book it now Danno!

Knitter99 · 14/12/2021 16:13

Yes I would do exactly what you're doing. No hesitation.

BlackCatz · 14/12/2021 16:17

I would 100% do this if it happened.

Wouldn't even think twice.

ChiefStockingStuffer · 14/12/2021 16:20

@TokyoSushi

I can see that this is coming from a good place and you sound like a lovely caring Mum.

If, and it's definitely IF DD does catch Covid, in theory you wouldn't be able to see her anyway as she'd be isolating...? So she'd possibly be in her room alone, you'd be in the hotel alone and DH & DS would be at home? Or are you thinking of something else?

This.