Page 3 | Is this a bonkers idea - possibly leaving my family at Christmas to go to an adult child

Comefromaway · 2021-12-14T14:00:29+00:00

Dd is a student. She had a dreadful 2020-2021 (she has autism) but since starting her new course is much better. She has a part time job in her university city and had to choose between booking time off before of after Christmas so she chose before. The plan was her shift will finish at 5pm Christmas Eve then she will drive home arriving around 11pm. But covid is going mad down there. Her course went online due to so many coming down with it. She travels each day on packed public transport. She is public facing. Today her workplace had to close because too many people are ill. She is very likely to catch it (she is vaccinated and caught it last summer but even so). I do NOT want dd to spend Christms alone in one room. I have discovered that for £50 I can book a Premier Inn 10 mins walk from her house (she has a room in a shared house). WIBU to book it and if she tests positive travel down to be able to see her on Christmas Day. I'd be leaving dh and ds back home. They can't come as dh has to be there for his elderly father who is facing the first xmas without mil at home. The Premier Inn can be cancelled with no charge up to 12 noon on the day.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/12/2021 15:05

Can’t you go and get her as quickly as possible and if needs be she can self isolate in your house? If her course in on line and her work place closed?

JustJustWhy · 14/12/2021 15:05

I have a wonderful and loving family yet still for reasons that were out of everyone's control I spent one Christmas on my own. I've never felt so genuinely low and depressed in all my life - it shocked me to be honest because I never knew how bad I'd feel. Go to her. Don't let anyone be alone at Christmas.

Original poster

Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 15:06

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Can’t you go and get her as quickly as possible and if needs be she can self isolate in your house? If her course in on line and her work place closed?

It's only closed for two days.

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Happy1982ish · 14/12/2021 15:07

* She is very likely to catch it (she is vaccinated and caught it last summer but even so).*

She reel really isn’t “highly likely to catch it if vaccinated and has had a confirmed case a few months ago

Original poster

Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 15:07

@JustJustWhy

I have a wonderful and loving family yet still for reasons that were out of everyone's control I spent one Christmas on my own. I've never felt so genuinely low and depressed in all my life - it shocked me to be honest because I never knew how bad I'd feel. Go to her. Don't let anyone be alone at Christmas.

This is my train of thought.

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Original poster

Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 15:07

@Happy1982ish

* She is very likely to catch it (she is vaccinated and caught it last summer but even so).*

She reel really isn’t “highly likely to catch it if vaccinated and has had a confirmed case a few months ago

She caught covid last June/July

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hivemindneeded · 14/12/2021 15:08

If her workplace has had to close, surely she'd be better cutting her losses and coming home now. She's a student, so she won't be working there permanently anyway.

If not, I'd do exactly what you suggest and would have no qualms about driving her home to isolate with you. Not enough consideration is given to MH issues surrounding isolation. DS2 was dangerously low last year and DS1's partner who isolated alone in a foreign country last year said it was the worst time of their life.

titchy · 14/12/2021 15:08

If you're all happy to break rules, and the main issue is therefore her as an inexperienced driver doing the journey without stopping, it does make sense for you to therefore go an collect her.

As an aside how come she is not able to get a fee loan?

DappyApple · 14/12/2021 15:10

@Changemaname1

I’m confused is this based on if she has covid ?

As it stands since she is off work and uni why don’t you just go get her and bring her home for Xmas ?

Yes I was thinking this as well.

IseeScottishhills · 14/12/2021 15:10

Assuming no bladder etc problems in which case I apologise. But why does she need to stop twice on a 180 mile journey. I regularly drive 360 miles and only stop once mainly because the dog wants to pee and as the driver I think it’s good to have a rest from driving even if it’s for 10 mins. But if I had Covid I would avoid stopping.

Original poster

Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 15:11

It's a higher education course that isn't eligible for student finance. Next September after she has done this foundation year she will be able to get a loan towards part of the fees as she will be officially enrolled onto the MA part of the course.

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Happy1982ish · 14/12/2021 15:11

180 miles? I’d just suck it up and bring her home and drive her back two days later

Or

I’d stay in the hotel

You son, also autistic, you’ve explicitly said he would be fine without you but not without his Piano

It really isn’t much of a dilemma. Either way, I’d be with me daughter.

Original poster

Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 15:13

@IseeScottishhills

Assuming no bladder etc problems in which case I apologise. But why does she need to stop twice on a 180 mile journey. I regularly drive 360 miles and only stop once mainly because the dog wants to pee and as the driver I think it’s good to have a rest from driving even if it’s for 10 mins. But if I had Covid I would avoid stopping.

She's 20 years old and been driving less than 12 months. She needs to haver a couple of stops to stretch her legs, get some air and just re-focus,

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LittleMysSister · 14/12/2021 15:13

I'd sleep in the hotel Christmas Eve, go into her house on Christmas Day, then drive home. Ds had covid last month, we have a house big enough to facilitate isolation with own bathroom facilities etc

If you have this option then couldn't DD still come and use these rooms for semi-isolation/isolation if she tests positive at any point?

There is no guarantee she will get it, my sister's husband had it and despite living together and spending time together, she didn't. Better that you are all together over Christmas surely? Rather than leaving DH and DS to it.

Happy1982ish · 14/12/2021 15:14

If you were talking about leaving an 8 year old boy who really would mind about you not being there
I’d understand
But you’ve basically said you DS won’t care!
And your DH understandably wants to be there for his parent
If I were him, I’d actively want you to go

Bluesheep8 · 14/12/2021 15:14

IF DD does catch Covid, in theory you wouldn't be able to see her anyway as she'd be isolating...? So she'd possibly be in her room alone, you'd be in the hotel alone and DH & DS would be at home?

This.

Booklover3 · 14/12/2021 15:15

You aren’t going to get a unanimous response on here. In fact you’ll probably get piled on.

Would I do this for one of my children? Yes. In a heart beat as long as I wasn’t putting anyone except our family at risk.

Happy1982ish · 14/12/2021 15:15

Why you you just suck up the driving?
In most other countries, no one would bat an eye at 180 miles!

Happy1982ish · 14/12/2021 15:16

@Bluesheep8

IF DD does catch Covid, in theory you wouldn't be able to see her anyway as she'd be isolating...? So she'd possibly be in her room alone, you'd be in the hotel alone and DH & DS would be at home?

This.

Bloody hell Autistic Depressed Alone

And isolating?

I’d step over a dying granny to be with her

Original poster

Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 15:16

I understand about bringing her home. But me staying down there keeps fil away from her. He will be spending xmas day at our house.

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Randomgal28 · 14/12/2021 15:16

I get your point but if you go into her house while she has covid then drive 200 miles home you’re still putting a lot of people at risk - if you breakdown, get petrol etc etc. I get what you’re saying about when your son had covid you didn’t need to isolate but you couldn’t avoid living in the same house as him. You’d be putting yourself at risk going into her house if she does become positive 😟

EveningOverRooftops · 14/12/2021 15:16

I would go pick her up now if possible especially if her work is shut and lessons are online.

HalfWomanHalfMincePie · 14/12/2021 15:17

@LittleMysSister

I'd sleep in the hotel Christmas Eve, go into her house on Christmas Day, then drive home. Ds had covid last month, we have a house big enough to facilitate isolation with own bathroom facilities etc

If you have this option then couldn't DD still come and use these rooms for semi-isolation/isolation if she tests positive at any point?

There is no guarantee she will get it, my sister's husband had it and despite living together and spending time together, she didn't. Better that you are all together over Christmas surely? Rather than leaving DH and DS to it.

In a heartbeat I'd book the hotel room, but if she tests positive I'd be tempted to use the room and trip to bring her back with me. She cannot work for 10 days anyway so may as well be isolating at home with everyone nearby.

Happy1982ish · 14/12/2021 15:17

@Comefromaway

I understand about bringing her home. But me staying down there keeps fil away from her. He will be spending xmas day at our house.

Decision made!!!

Your son cares re his piano
You dh understandably care about his parent
So you need to care about your DD and do this!

Booklover3 · 14/12/2021 15:17

@Comefromaway

I understand about bringing her home. But me staying down there keeps fil away from her. He will be spending xmas day at our house.

Then yes. Definitely have the hotel room. You can come home when you aren’t putting him at risk?

Sounds well thought out to me.