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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a bonkers idea - possibly leaving my family at Christmas to go to an adult child

196 replies

Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 14:00

Dd is a student. She had a dreadful 2020-2021 (she has autism) but since starting her new course is much better. She has a part time job in her university city and had to choose between booking time off before of after Christmas so she chose before. The plan was her shift will finish at 5pm Christmas Eve then she will drive home arriving around 11pm.

But covid is going mad down there. Her course went online due to so many coming down with it. She travels each day on packed public transport. She is public facing. Today her workplace had to close because too many people are ill. She is very likely to catch it (she is vaccinated and caught it last summer but even so).

I do NOT want dd to spend Christms alone in one room. I have discovered that for £50 I can book a Premier Inn 10 mins walk from her house (she has a room in a shared house). WIBU to book it and if she tests positive travel down to be able to see her on Christmas Day. I'd be leaving dh and ds back home. They can't come as dh has to be there for his elderly father who is facing the first xmas without mil at home.

The Premier Inn can be cancelled with no charge up to 12 noon on the day.

OP posts:
AlwaysLatte · 14/12/2021 17:55

I think it's lovely that you've forward planned to ensure she's not alone at Christmas. I'd definitely do it. Hope she's ok though and it's not necessary. 🤞

JustALittleHelpPlease · 14/12/2021 18:06

I couldn't allow one of my dc to be alone on Christmas day if I knew the others would be OK and I could manage work/other responsibilities properly after I got back. My only concern would be that you are, potentially, leaving an infectious person and going to a hotel (if I have that the right way round?)

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 18:06

@AlwaysLatte

I think it's lovely that you've forward planned to ensure she's not alone at Christmas. I'd definitely do it. Hope she's ok though and it's not necessary. 🤞
Yes, fingers crossed.
OP posts:
Idontbelieveit14 · 14/12/2021 18:09

Get her to travel home now, sod the job it sounds like it may keep closing anyway?

FinallyHere · 14/12/2021 18:19

Given you can cancel at short notice, id book right away it to keep that option open.

No point deciding at the last minute and then finding hotels all booked up.

MrsBerthaRochester · 14/12/2021 18:24

Ldt her come home. IF you believe the vaccines work then she will be unlikely to be seriously unwell. Fuss over nothing.

HaveringWavering · 14/12/2021 18:54

@Comefromaway

I and my husband were free to go to work, shopping, a cafe, anywhere whilst actually living with a Covid positive child.

People cannot just tell their employers they are going to not turn up at one of the busiest times of the year. Well they can but they would soon be out of a job.

But you would not have been free if he had had the Omicron variant.
BlackCatz · 14/12/2021 18:56

But you would not have been free if he had had the Omicron variant

And?

HaveringWavering · 14/12/2021 19:05

@BlackCatz

But you would not have been free if he had had the Omicron variant

And?

OP is suggesting that the fact she was free to go about her business when her son had Covid is relevant to what would happen if her daughter was now to test positive. But the daughter is more likely to have Omicron as dominant now, so it’s a different situation.
Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 19:07

None of her colleagues as far as she is aware have omicron so actually, not that likely.

OP posts:
BlackCatz · 14/12/2021 19:08

But the daughter is more likely to have Omicron as dominant now, so it’s a different situation

Not really. OP would still be free to live her life as the guidance has now changed to daily LFT's for close contacts instead of isolation.

Booklover3 · 14/12/2021 21:28

@JustALittleHelpPlease

I couldn't allow one of my dc to be alone on Christmas day if I knew the others would be OK and I could manage work/other responsibilities properly after I got back. My only concern would be that you are, potentially, leaving an infectious person and going to a hotel (if I have that the right way round?)
I read it as the OP is travelling to her daughters town and staying in the hotel that night. She wouldn’t be seeing the daughter until after she checks out of the hotel so she wouldn’t be putting them at risk if her DD is Covid positive as she won’t be going back to the hotel. She will be going home after having contact with her DD
itsgettingwierd · 14/12/2021 21:33

I'm guessing there is still rules around isolation and providing care to a vulnerable person?

Your dd is vulnerable. If she needs you - go.

DariaMorgendorffer · 14/12/2021 21:45

I would 100% do it.

TokyoTen · 14/12/2021 22:37

Why can't she go sick from work and come home?

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 22:51

Because there is also a significant chance she won’t get Covid and it would mean leaving her workplace and colleagues in a job she loves even more short staffed at a very busy time when they are already struggling with staff who are genuinely sick. Fire regs mean they legally cannot open without a certain minimum number of staff.

She wouldn’t do that to them.

OP posts:
Flowersandhearts · 14/12/2021 23:11

I would think the best option would be for her to take 10 days off work for Depression (which you have mentioned is a problem for her) and travel home now instead.

SpringCrocus · 14/12/2021 23:22

Bear in mind rules are different for people who are Neurodiverse and the rules have been, from the very first lockdown.
I have a DD with ASD, in a Uni environment. I'd do what you suggest,, OP, and have the response ready, if challenged by police.

JacquelineCarlyle · 15/12/2021 00:17

@sleepyshiftworker

Look there's 100s of posts like this atm.

Rules and laws are there for a reason but you do you. Who cares what a load of strangers think if you don't care what the laws are?

Fwiw she's your kid. Your family. You do you.

This!
Original poster
Comefromaway · 15/12/2021 00:30

@Flowersandhearts

I would think the best option would be for her to take 10 days off work for Depression (which you have mentioned is a problem for her) and travel home now instead.
Her depression was linked to a previous environment she was in. Her new Uni & workplace actually help her.
OP posts:
guardiansofthegalaxychocs · 15/12/2021 00:41

I would 100% just have her come home and take an LFT before leaving. I understand about your (presumably elderly) FIL but we can’t protect elderly people indefinitely at the expense of our own children.

Myamoth · 15/12/2021 01:29

I think it's a good plan OP, book the room just in case. My neuro-diverse DD couldn't drive 180 miles without refocusing breaks either. Your DD may also be worrying about what would happen about Christmas if she catches it so booking the room will make you both feel less stressed.

Mookie81 · 15/12/2021 07:57

@Randomgal28

I get your point but if you go into her house while she has covid then drive 200 miles home you’re still putting a lot of people at risk - if you breakdown, get petrol etc etc. I get what you’re saying about when your son had covid you didn’t need to isolate but you couldn’t avoid living in the same house as him. You’d be putting yourself at risk going into her house if she does become positive 😟
It's her child for fucks sake! It's come to something when people wring their hands over leaving their autistic and depressed children alone for Xmas.
mrsdaltongrant · 15/12/2021 17:40

@Comefromaway I have just finished a household of 20 days isolation. 2 of mine had it and on day 11 when they were "released" my other two got it.

I have been lucky enough to not get it....noone can work out how when one of the covidees is my BF baby. Anyway....

I have done a test everyday for a month. Since the last 2 were out of isolation I tested once for Baptism party and now I'm going to atop again.

We knew my DH and DDs Had been in contact with people on a Saturday who then tested positive on a Sunday.

From that day we all tested daily except the baby.

DH and DD1 tested positive on the Wednesday.

Neither of them had symptoms.

Given that the government seem yo be taking the piss with their own rules. Just go......just GO!

Please go. X

mrsdaltongrant · 15/12/2021 17:42

My point was UNLESS EVERYONE tests daily there are literally thousands wandering round with it festering so people need to get off their high horses. I would say if you go do daily tests afterwards for a week IF she has in fact got it.