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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a bonkers idea - possibly leaving my family at Christmas to go to an adult child

196 replies

Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 14:00

Dd is a student. She had a dreadful 2020-2021 (she has autism) but since starting her new course is much better. She has a part time job in her university city and had to choose between booking time off before of after Christmas so she chose before. The plan was her shift will finish at 5pm Christmas Eve then she will drive home arriving around 11pm.

But covid is going mad down there. Her course went online due to so many coming down with it. She travels each day on packed public transport. She is public facing. Today her workplace had to close because too many people are ill. She is very likely to catch it (she is vaccinated and caught it last summer but even so).

I do NOT want dd to spend Christms alone in one room. I have discovered that for £50 I can book a Premier Inn 10 mins walk from her house (she has a room in a shared house). WIBU to book it and if she tests positive travel down to be able to see her on Christmas Day. I'd be leaving dh and ds back home. They can't come as dh has to be there for his elderly father who is facing the first xmas without mil at home.

The Premier Inn can be cancelled with no charge up to 12 noon on the day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 14:27

@Ponoka7

So would that be the last time that your DH would see his Dad, or any of you would go out until you've tested negative for ten days? Otherwise you'd be going down there and bringing it back.
Fil stayed away for 10 days whist ds was positive but we were free to go out as normal.
OP posts:
Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 14:28

@titchy

Morally it would put more people at risk for a covid positive person to drive 180 miles (she would need to take a couple of rest stops at a service station) than for me a covid negative person to travel down to her and enter her house.

The issue isn't with you travelling TO her, it's with you travelling back home. If she has it, you will be contagious and put the same amount of people at risk.

I'm not commenting on you breaking the rules, but it does seem pointless dong it your way - you don't save anything.

couldn't she stock up with drinks and snacks and a portapotty and have a rest break in the car if it's a long drive back?

I'm a much more experienced driver and could do it in one go without a break.
OP posts:
AutumnLeaves21 · 14/12/2021 14:29

Ok, so you go and pick her up?

Asi1 · 14/12/2021 14:29

Do it OP.

HaveringWavering · 14/12/2021 14:29

You say you’ve got a big house, so I’m guessing you’re fairly solvent. Why not just give her some money to cover lost earnings, then she can stop working and being exposed, and come home instead.

Restart10 · 14/12/2021 14:33

If your house is big enough, can she come and isolate there instead? Or go pick her up and you both isolate.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 14:35

@HaveringWavering

You say you’ve got a big house, so I’m guessing you’re fairly solvent. Why not just give her some money to cover lost earnings, then she can stop working and being exposed, and come home instead.
She needs to work because she is not entitled to student finance. She is not allowed to book time off. The rota's have already been done, she would lose her job and that would mean her having to leave her course (we are already paying course fees and rent her job pays her food and bills).

Also a big house in the north is a lot different than financing a student in London.

OP posts:
Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 14:35

We took out a loan for her course fees.

OP posts:
Strangevipers · 14/12/2021 14:37

If you do that and your DD is positive you will have to self isolate to

I'd just get your DD to travel down xmas eve as planned and you can isolate with her. Otherwise she will have you xmas day but still have to isolate on her own or better yet tell her job she's positive and just come home now before she does catch it and no one has to isolate

sage46 · 14/12/2021 14:38

I probably would.

ChangeChingyChange · 14/12/2021 14:40

Just go and get her Op as soon as you can and get her to keep doing LFTs in the mean time. She's not guaranteed to get it.

Earwigworries · 14/12/2021 14:41

I would agree with your DH and book the room - then you have the option - you don’t need to discuss it with anyone else at this point

Thisisconfusing · 14/12/2021 14:44

@AutumnLeaves21. Sadly for omnicron it seems that prior infection offers far less protection than it did with wild type, alpha and delta . So you can’t rely on it .

HaveringWavering · 14/12/2021 14:46

Is it not a bit dramatic to say that she would have to leave her course if she ever lost her part time job - that could happen for all sorts of reasons. Couldn’t she just find another one?

I mean, I can see why you don’t think that she should voluntarily put herself in a position that threatens her job just so that she can spend Xmas with family, but the whole setup sounds a bit precarious if her entire education is reliant on her getting shifts at Nando’s or whatever.

Notsomerryandbright · 14/12/2021 14:46

I would in this circumstances op.
Given how contagious Omicron is we are all going to be exposed over the next month or two.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 14/12/2021 14:46

Book the room and see how things go. Your DDs mental health is far more important than bloody covid rules.

Changemaname1 · 14/12/2021 14:47

I’m confused is this based on if she has covid ?

As it stands since she is off work and uni why don’t you just go get her and bring her home for Xmas ?

BrocolliFloret · 14/12/2021 14:51

Even if you went to see her for a couple of days she’d still have to isolate alone for the rest of the 10 days, which sounds like a terrible idea if she is depressed already.

Maybe just ask her to come home as a precaution now, sounds like the workplace is not going to be open much anyway?

In reality I’d probably let her keep working, and just go and get her if and when she needed to do a pcr test, prior to the test. There are some very sturdy sealable blue potty bags available (not the kids ones).

GiltEdges · 14/12/2021 14:56

Honestly, this is like the thousandth thread of its type on here. What validation are you looking for exactly OP? Strangers on the internet can't give you permission to break the law. Do whatever you want to do and accept the consequences, whatever they may be.

HatterMadeMad3 · 14/12/2021 14:57

What are her flat mates doing for Xmas?
Will anyone be in her shared accommodation?
Has anyone checked this, because it might be fun to have Xmas there

Secondly, you said that she was having time off after Xmas
So can you all celebrate Xmas on Boxing day or New Year's day instead ?
That's what we have done (pre covid) when family members have worked over xmas

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 15:01

@Changemaname1

I’m confused is this based on if she has covid ?

As it stands since she is off work and uni why don’t you just go get her and bring her home for Xmas ?

Her work is due to re-open on Thursday.
OP posts:
Happy1982ish · 14/12/2021 15:03

* He's 17,(also autistic though) he can cope without mum for a day or two, he can't cope without his piano!*

Well isn’t that your answer?
Of course you can go

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 15:03

@HaveringWavering

Is it not a bit dramatic to say that she would have to leave her course if she ever lost her part time job - that could happen for all sorts of reasons. Couldn’t she just find another one?

I mean, I can see why you don’t think that she should voluntarily put herself in a position that threatens her job just so that she can spend Xmas with family, but the whole setup sounds a bit precarious if her entire education is reliant on her getting shifts at Nando’s or whatever.

It's the best job she has ever had. it is incredibly inclusive in regard to her autism and it is related to the area she is studying. The hours work perfectly with her studies.
OP posts:
Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 15:04

@BrocolliFloret

Even if you went to see her for a couple of days she’d still have to isolate alone for the rest of the 10 days, which sounds like a terrible idea if she is depressed already.

Maybe just ask her to come home as a precaution now, sounds like the workplace is not going to be open much anyway?

In reality I’d probably let her keep working, and just go and get her if and when she needed to do a pcr test, prior to the test. There are some very sturdy sealable blue potty bags available (not the kids ones).

She has done 3 lots of isolation back in the summer, it was hard, but it wasn;t christmas day.

She is testing daily for work anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 15:05

@HatterMadeMad3

What are her flat mates doing for Xmas? Will anyone be in her shared accommodation? Has anyone checked this, because it might be fun to have Xmas there

Secondly, you said that she was having time off after Xmas
So can you all celebrate Xmas on Boxing day or New Year's day instead ?
That's what we have done (pre covid) when family members have worked over xmas

She has Xmas Day, Boxing Day and the Mon-Wednesday afterwards off. She is back in work on 30th.
OP posts:
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