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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a bonkers idea - possibly leaving my family at Christmas to go to an adult child

196 replies

Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 14:00

Dd is a student. She had a dreadful 2020-2021 (she has autism) but since starting her new course is much better. She has a part time job in her university city and had to choose between booking time off before of after Christmas so she chose before. The plan was her shift will finish at 5pm Christmas Eve then she will drive home arriving around 11pm.

But covid is going mad down there. Her course went online due to so many coming down with it. She travels each day on packed public transport. She is public facing. Today her workplace had to close because too many people are ill. She is very likely to catch it (she is vaccinated and caught it last summer but even so).

I do NOT want dd to spend Christms alone in one room. I have discovered that for £50 I can book a Premier Inn 10 mins walk from her house (she has a room in a shared house). WIBU to book it and if she tests positive travel down to be able to see her on Christmas Day. I'd be leaving dh and ds back home. They can't come as dh has to be there for his elderly father who is facing the first xmas without mil at home.

The Premier Inn can be cancelled with no charge up to 12 noon on the day.

OP posts:
Wilkolampshade · 14/12/2021 14:01

I'd do it. In a shot. Xx

TokyoSushi · 14/12/2021 14:04

I can see that this is coming from a good place and you sound like a lovely caring Mum.

If, and it's definitely IF DD does catch Covid, in theory you wouldn't be able to see her anyway as she'd be isolating...? So she'd possibly be in her room alone, you'd be in the hotel alone and DH & DS would be at home? Or are you thinking of something else?

givethatbabyaname · 14/12/2021 14:04

Can you let DH be with his dad and take DS with you?

What do you plan for Xmas day? What if you and/or Dd catch it, any disruption to schooling etc?

Sorry you’re in this pickle, it’s a dilemma.

Mumdiva99 · 14/12/2021 14:04

The only issue really is if she does have it you don't want to get it yourself as it outs your husband and fil at risk.

Can you sit in her garden with her? Spend an hour one day and an hour the next? - although if she is ill she might just be happy to sleep.

As you say you can cancel the room if it isn't needed.

BeanyBops · 14/12/2021 14:06

Yeah I think that's a good plan. You could hype up Xmas Eve or boxing day as being Xmas number 2 for your DS so he doesn't feel upset at not seeing you on Xmas day, and on the day itself if just your DH and DS they could make it a fun alternative one with loads of DS favourite stuff. You on the other hand can travel down with a lovely hamper, books, PJ's etc to cheer up DD.

Ohdofuckoffcovid · 14/12/2021 14:07

I’d do it

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 14:07

@TokyoSushi

I can see that this is coming from a good place and you sound like a lovely caring Mum.

If, and it's definitely IF DD does catch Covid, in theory you wouldn't be able to see her anyway as she'd be isolating...? So she'd possibly be in her room alone, you'd be in the hotel alone and DH & DS would be at home? Or are you thinking of something else?

I'd sleep in the hotel Christmas Eve, go into her house on Christmas Day, then drive home. Ds had covid last month, we have a house big enough to facilitate isolation with own bathroom facilities etc
OP posts:
Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 14:09

@givethatbabyaname

Can you let DH be with his dad and take DS with you?

What do you plan for Xmas day? What if you and/or Dd catch it, any disruption to schooling etc?

Sorry you’re in this pickle, it’s a dilemma.

Ds would want to be at home with his musical instruments! He's 17,(also autistic though) he can cope without mum for a day or two, he can't cope without his piano!
OP posts:
vivainsomnia · 14/12/2021 14:10

That would be breaking the rules if it were to be suspected Omicron which is now the prevalent variant.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 14:12

@vivainsomnia

That would be breaking the rules if it were to be suspected Omicron which is now the prevalent variant.
I know it would.
OP posts:
titchy · 14/12/2021 14:12

To clarify - this is IF she tests positive and has to self isolate?

In which you'd be breaking the rules by seeing her then travelling back home, so wouldn't it make sense for her to just travel back home anyway?

AutumnLeaves21 · 14/12/2021 14:14

If she had it last year and is fully vaccinated, she’s quite unlikely to catch it. I wouldn’t leave my younger child and husband, no. Think you’re being quite dramatic tbh.

AutumnLeaves21 · 14/12/2021 14:14

And yes, what @titchy said. She might as well drive home if you’re breaking the rules anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 14:15

@titchy

To clarify - this is IF she tests positive and has to self isolate?

In which you'd be breaking the rules by seeing her then travelling back home, so wouldn't it make sense for her to just travel back home anyway?

Morally it would put more people at risk for a covid positive person to drive 180 miles (she would need to take a couple of rest stops at a service station) than for me a covid negative person to travel down to her and enter her house.
OP posts:
sleepyshiftworker · 14/12/2021 14:16

Look there's 100s of posts like this atm.

Rules and laws are there for a reason but you do you. Who cares what a load of strangers think if you don't care what the laws are?

Fwiw she's your kid. Your family. You do you.

AutumnLeaves21 · 14/12/2021 14:16

But then once you’ve spent the weekend with her, you’d have to do the same, as a potentially infectious person.
Sorry this whole thing is bizarre .

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 14:17

She is autistic and on anti depressants.

OP posts:
heldinadream · 14/12/2021 14:18

Given all the facts I would probably do it, OP.

ChangeChingyChange · 14/12/2021 14:19

Sounds like a silly plan in a way, just let her come home even if you go and drive and pick her up. If others have had covid in your house recently and she's not really unwell/still actively contagious etc I'd just go and get her and bring her back and enjoy my family Christmas with her. Not bothered if it's against the rules etc, if she had a really bad cold you'd do it and wouldn't think twice. For some covid is like a mild cold so I'd just crack on. The 10 days isolating is ridiculous especially if you're negative testing - so I'd also break the rules and enjoy Christmas.

AutumnLeaves21 · 14/12/2021 14:19

I don’t understand what difference that makes. I would still stick to the original plan and get her to come home. This just seems a lot of dramatics for an even which probably won’t even happen?

marti76 · 14/12/2021 14:21

The government are not following the rules so you do what's best for you and your family. Only you know what that is because we don't know them but I fully support anyone who's just trying to do whatever they think is best for their family at Christmas. It's easy for people to say it's breaking the rules but it's different when it's your own family and given the circumstances I'd be inclined to do something similar. Fingers crossed she doesn't get it.

Ponoka7 · 14/12/2021 14:24

So would that be the last time that your DH would see his Dad, or any of you would go out until you've tested negative for ten days? Otherwise you'd be going down there and bringing it back.

wombat1a · 14/12/2021 14:26

As nice as it sounds if she is not able to come home because she is positive then is a daft idea for you to go there instead.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 14:26

@AutumnLeaves21

I don’t understand what difference that makes. I would still stick to the original plan and get her to come home. This just seems a lot of dramatics for an even which probably won’t even happen?
I know her, there is no way she would drive anywhere other than a test centre whilst covid positive. almost 200 miles is a heck of a car journey on xmas eve whilst potentially poorly.

Hopefully she won't get it, but I want to plan for just in case.

OP posts:
titchy · 14/12/2021 14:27

Morally it would put more people at risk for a covid positive person to drive 180 miles (she would need to take a couple of rest stops at a service station) than for me a covid negative person to travel down to her and enter her house.

The issue isn't with you travelling TO her, it's with you travelling back home. If she has it, you will be contagious and put the same amount of people at risk.

I'm not commenting on you breaking the rules, but it does seem pointless dong it your way - you don't save anything.

couldn't she stock up with drinks and snacks and a portapotty and have a rest break in the car if it's a long drive back?