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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a bonkers idea - possibly leaving my family at Christmas to go to an adult child

196 replies

Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 14:00

Dd is a student. She had a dreadful 2020-2021 (she has autism) but since starting her new course is much better. She has a part time job in her university city and had to choose between booking time off before of after Christmas so she chose before. The plan was her shift will finish at 5pm Christmas Eve then she will drive home arriving around 11pm.

But covid is going mad down there. Her course went online due to so many coming down with it. She travels each day on packed public transport. She is public facing. Today her workplace had to close because too many people are ill. She is very likely to catch it (she is vaccinated and caught it last summer but even so).

I do NOT want dd to spend Christms alone in one room. I have discovered that for £50 I can book a Premier Inn 10 mins walk from her house (she has a room in a shared house). WIBU to book it and if she tests positive travel down to be able to see her on Christmas Day. I'd be leaving dh and ds back home. They can't come as dh has to be there for his elderly father who is facing the first xmas without mil at home.

The Premier Inn can be cancelled with no charge up to 12 noon on the day.

OP posts:
CrimbleCrumble1 · 14/12/2021 16:21

How could you see her if she does get Covid?

Bogofftosomewherehot · 14/12/2021 16:22

Book it.

whynotwhatknot · 14/12/2021 16:25

i still dont understand what happens if you catch it yourself-you have to isolate for ten days will that be in the hotel

BlackCatz · 14/12/2021 16:25

@CrimbleCrumble1

How could you see her if she does get Covid?
By going round.
PegasusReturns · 14/12/2021 16:26

I’d travel up Christmas morning collect her and bring her home once your fil has left and have her isolating/semi isolating at home.

I wouldn’t leave my vulnerable 20 year old to isolate away from home

I especially wouldn’t do it at Christmas

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 16:26

I’d be back home by then.

OP posts:
HerbertChops · 14/12/2021 16:28

If her course has moved online and her work has closed what’s stopping her heading home now and spending Christmas with you and heading back when work/course starts up again? Or am I missing something?

Itsnotdeep · 14/12/2021 16:28

I'd just go and pick her up if I were you.

My dd has come home today a few days before she intended to because neither she nor I wanted her alone there for Christmas.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 16:34

@HerbertChops

If her course has moved online and her work has closed what’s stopping her heading home now and spending Christmas with you and heading back when work/course starts up again? Or am I missing something?
Yes you’ve kissed my answer that I’ve written several times that her workplace re-opens on Thursday.

And she’s just texted to tell me she’s picked up a shift at a nearby venue

OP posts:
ElleGettingBetter · 14/12/2021 16:36

@vivainsomnia

That would be breaking the rules if it were to be suspected Omicron which is now the prevalent variant.
Meet her at Downing Street. The rules don’t apply there.

Book the room.

me4real · 14/12/2021 16:51

YANBU @Comefromaway , seems like a good coompromise to me. You still get to see DS a bit on Xmas day, too.

cookiemonster2468 · 14/12/2021 16:58

Are you talking about booking it for one night only? Because if she tests positive and you deliberately go to see her, you are exposing yourself to it and will probably catch it. You will then travel back home and pass it to your family including, possibly, your DH's elderly father.

If you are going to do it, really you actually have to book the hotel for at least 7-10 days as you will need to stay and isolate there to avoid passing it on to other people.

WrongWayApricot · 14/12/2021 17:11

I really don't get it, your aibu is about leaving family alone while you visit your dd. But then you go on to say that it's only your 17yo son and husband who are fine without you? What's the actual question?

Topseyt · 14/12/2021 17:14

I would absolutely do what you are suggesting. Get the Premier Inn booked. We are doing just that so that we can visit my elderly, vulnerable and fairly recently widowed mother during Christmas week.

I've never been a stickler for "the rules" when it comes to making sure that close family are OK and I never will be. If they need me to go to them then I will go to them regardless.

Summerfun54321 · 14/12/2021 17:17

Even the original plan sounded awful. She was going to work a full days shift then drive in winter at night whilst tired after work 180miles on potentially one of the busiest traffic days of the year. Either she works and misses family stuff or she misses work and does family stuff. She can’t have it all ways, covid or no covid.

Valaris · 14/12/2021 17:21

I absolutely would. And if she tests positive I'd still go but id sit outside her door while on facetime and play Xmas games.

Your baby, no matter how old, shouldn't be alone on Xmas.

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 17:24

@Summerfun54321

Even the original plan sounded awful. She was going to work a full days shift then drive in winter at night whilst tired after work 180miles on potentially one of the busiest traffic days of the year. Either she works and misses family stuff or she misses work and does family stuff. She can’t have it all ways, covid or no covid.
A full shift is 4 hours, not a whole day.
OP posts:
Potentialscroogeincognito · 14/12/2021 17:37

You are determined to ignore all advice given to you, break the rules and insist a 20 year old needs two rest stops to “stretch her legs” on a 3.5 hour car journey.

No covid - daughter returns home as planned
Covid - daughter stays at uni.

No one should think they are outside of what has been deemed required to keep people safe, I’m not sure why you think your daughter is.
If you are that concerned you tell her she puts her big girl pants on and tells her employer she has to go home asap or she’ll be stuck here alone. If she doesn’t she stays on her own, you take responsibility for your own actions as an adult. this happens when you employ students - you accept the massive breaks. She explains her disability and predicament and hope for the best.

Basically just do what you want your going to anyway.
And god I hope you don’t give any one the theoretical Covid you’ll be potentially spreading when you get back and kill someone. Especially not your son or your husband. I don’t want to sound like a drama llama but your not listening to sensible comments so why not!

Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 17:40

I and my husband were free to go to work, shopping, a cafe, anywhere whilst actually living with a Covid positive child.

People cannot just tell their employers they are going to not turn up at one of the busiest times of the year. Well they can but they would soon be out of a job.

OP posts:
Happy1982ish · 14/12/2021 17:40

@WrongWayApricot

I really don't get it, your aibu is about leaving family alone while you visit your dd. But then you go on to say that it's only your 17yo son and husband who are fine without you? What's the actual question?
I’ve been asking since page 1 It’s so bizarre
BlackCatz · 14/12/2021 17:42

@Potentialscroogeincognito

You are determined to ignore all advice given to you, break the rules and insist a 20 year old needs two rest stops to “stretch her legs” on a 3.5 hour car journey.

No covid - daughter returns home as planned
Covid - daughter stays at uni.

No one should think they are outside of what has been deemed required to keep people safe, I’m not sure why you think your daughter is.
If you are that concerned you tell her she puts her big girl pants on and tells her employer she has to go home asap or she’ll be stuck here alone. If she doesn’t she stays on her own, you take responsibility for your own actions as an adult. this happens when you employ students - you accept the massive breaks. She explains her disability and predicament and hope for the best.

Basically just do what you want your going to anyway.
And god I hope you don’t give any one the theoretical Covid you’ll be potentially spreading when you get back and kill someone. Especially not your son or your husband. I don’t want to sound like a drama llama but your not listening to sensible comments so why not!

Yeahhh, ignore this, OP.
Original poster
Comefromaway · 14/12/2021 17:45
  • I’ve been asking since page 1 It’s so bizarre*

The question ways is it unreasonable to book a premier in on Xmas Eve so I can make sure Dd is not alone on Xmas Day.

The thread & replies has really made me think more clearly about it and that it is in fact reasonable.

OP posts:
BlackCatz · 14/12/2021 17:47

@Comefromaway

* I’ve been asking since page 1 It’s so bizarre*

The question ways is it unreasonable to book a premier in on Xmas Eve so I can make sure Dd is not alone on Xmas Day.

The thread & replies has really made me think more clearly about it and that it is in fact reasonable.

Please do it, OP.
Beautiful3 · 14/12/2021 17:52

I would stick to the original plan and bring her home.

Chocolatewheatos · 14/12/2021 17:53

I'd drive and bring her home