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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you know any couples who have split over vaccination status.

202 replies

JudyGemstone · 14/12/2021 10:58

My partner and I both work in healthcare, although I have a client facing clinical role and he doesn’t (call centre).

I have had both vaccines and the booster, mainly as the NHS require it, I have no particular strong feelings around it either way.

My partner hasn’t had it and will not be, he does have strong feelings about it. This doesn’t bother me in itself, but it seems like our lives might become more separate/distant as things like travel/events etc are affected.

My mum was already making noises about not wanting him to come with us to my parents for Xmas, he has made other plans now anyway and I wouldn’t have supported my mum in excluding him but it made me think, if these sort of things keep happening/get worse I’m not sure how that’ll impact on our relationship.

Do you know of any couples who have split over vaccine differences?
Would you be willing to split with a partner over this?

Thanks

OP posts:
Lasair · 14/12/2021 11:00

Why would your mum not want him to come without a vaccine? As the vaccine does g stop the spread your mum is being OTT. I don’t think you should leave a good relationship over this.

Lasair · 14/12/2021 11:01

Doesn’t*

Original poster
JudyGemstone · 14/12/2021 11:06

Yes my mum was definitely being OTT, she didn’t so much ban him from coming - she just asked me ‘has x had any vaccinations yet and is he not worried about the omicron variation?’
So I felt it might be heading that way.

OP posts:
TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 14/12/2021 11:22

Would you be willing to split with a partner over this?

Lol. No, of course not and neither would he. There’s a lot more to our relationship than travel and events thankfully. I suppose if someone’s relationship is quite superficial then maybe.

shouldistop · 14/12/2021 11:24

Why did your mum know he wasn't vaccinated? Is he open about it?

Saoirsesersha · 14/12/2021 11:27

I can’t imagine splitting with a partner over a vaccine nor can I imagine excluding a close family member from Christmas Day. That’s not really what Christmas is about is it?
If he doesn’t want to be vaccinated, that’s up to him. If you have so much faith in the vaccine then why are you so worried about an unvaccinated person?

Original poster
JudyGemstone · 14/12/2021 11:28

@shouldistop

Why did your mum know he wasn't vaccinated? Is he open about it?
Yes he is, it was discussed at length at a family bbq in the summer
OP posts:
Deliaskis · 14/12/2021 11:31

For me I think it would somewhat depend on the reasoning for not having it. Some scenarios would be easier to understand and live with than others. Ultimately, I do believe in free choice regarding vaccination, but I would not necessarily want to build a life with someone who refused it for bonkers or ignorant reasons, as much because it says a lot about their thinking and decision making generally, rather than particularly because they are not vaccinated.

Longer term, I do think reduced shared experiences would impact on the connection in a relationship, and that would then be a matter of choice for either party, whether they wanted to stay in the relationship or be with someone more 'like-minded' in terms of what they want to do with their lives.

ImInStealthMode · 14/12/2021 11:32

What a world we now live in that people think it's in any way appropriate to enquire about someone's private medical information, and expect an answer.

shouldistop · 14/12/2021 11:32

It's a shame it causes such a divide. A close family member of mine is unvaccinated due to anxiety but he hasn't told anyone outside a select few.

Original poster
JudyGemstone · 14/12/2021 11:33

@Saoirsesersha

I can’t imagine splitting with a partner over a vaccine nor can I imagine excluding a close family member from Christmas Day. That’s not really what Christmas is about is it? If he doesn’t want to be vaccinated, that’s up to him. If you have so much faith in the vaccine then why are you so worried about an unvaccinated person?
Personally I’m not worried in the slightest, agree it’s up to him, his body etc.

We do have a good relationship generally. It just seems like it could turn into a pretty major disparity.

OP posts:
Deliaskis · 14/12/2021 11:33

Having said all of that, I don't think it's anybody's place to pressure someone to have a vaccination that they don't want (and don't really think wider family members should be weighing in), although I am all in favour of educating and informing, given most (not all) vaccine refusers seem to refuse on what have now become very spurious grounds.

Original poster
JudyGemstone · 14/12/2021 11:39

@Deliaskis

For me I think it would somewhat depend on the reasoning for not having it. Some scenarios would be easier to understand and live with than others. Ultimately, I do believe in free choice regarding vaccination, but I would not necessarily want to build a life with someone who refused it for bonkers or ignorant reasons, as much because it says a lot about their thinking and decision making generally, rather than particularly because they are not vaccinated.

Longer term, I do think reduced shared experiences would impact on the connection in a relationship, and that would then be a matter of choice for either party, whether they wanted to stay in the relationship or be with someone more 'like-minded' in terms of what they want to do with their lives.

Thank you for this, I think the reasons are valid-ish as they partly involve many experiences he has had with people suffering bad side effects through his work that I have not had. So I accept he has seen a side I haven’t. There is also a political freedom element, nothing to do with Bill Gates/microchips etc though!
OP posts:
Novasmummy · 14/12/2021 11:43

My ex was an anti vaxxer. It's not why we split but if somebody told me they were now I would probably not start a new relationship with them. Seems like pretty basic science to me. Also a kind of entitlement lack of social consciousness thing which would be a turn off for me as well.

Mama1980 · 14/12/2021 11:45

Given that his reasons seem well thought out and sensible, I'd support him completely. (Despite being fully vaxxed and CEV myself - I believe in freedom of choice)
However I think as this drags on it would might take its toll day to day. For example attending concerts/going on holiday is possible for the vaccinated. I think over time this disparity would tell on a relationship and lead towards gradual resentment.

Mischance · 14/12/2021 11:45

The virus does not know it is Christmas.

housemaus · 14/12/2021 11:46

If I'd just started dating someone this might put me off, depending on their reasons. Would I have divorced DH if he hadn't had the vaccine? No, unless he'd gone full conspiracy tinfoil hat, and then that would be the problem rather than the vaccine.

CounsellorTroi · 14/12/2021 11:46

People who have not been vaccinated are more likely to end up in intensive care if they get Covid. Why would anyone want to put their partner through that?

user1471457751 · 14/12/2021 11:47

So your mum in fact didn't say anything about not wanting him at Christmas. Why would you say she did?

garlictwist · 14/12/2021 11:52

My DP has chosen not to be vaccinated. I have chosen to have them. My mum is up in arms about this but I actually don't give a shit - it's his body, his choice and his life. I can't imagine splitting up over it.

Pedalpushers · 14/12/2021 11:58

I don't think seeing people with side effects is a particularly well thought out reason not to get vaccinated - as surely he should know the statistics on serious side effects vs the potential severity of covid for the unvaccinated. The risks aren't even comparable.

As a scientist in the healthcare and infection control sphere, I couldn't be with someone who didn't believe in vaccination, it is just too much of a clash with my own values. In this case however it seems you don't actually mind, you're more concerned about what others think? Tell them to mind their own bloody business and that someone's vaccination status is nothing to do with them.

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 14/12/2021 12:01

These threads. 😅 I’m a bit suspicious that people are coming up with more and more stuff to get at unvaccinated people. Now it that our partners may leave us because we can’t go with them to a concert. Are you scared enough to have the vaccine yet? Are you? Are you? Hmm

MoiraNotRuby · 14/12/2021 12:02

I know a couple who have split over this, its not my place to really share details, but I think it must be difficult to be in a relationship with someone who sees this massively differently to your own view.

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 14/12/2021 12:03

So your mum in fact didn't say anything about not wanting him at Christmas. Why would you say she did?

Wink 🤔
Original poster
JudyGemstone · 14/12/2021 12:03

@user1471457751

So your mum in fact didn't say anything about not wanting him at Christmas. Why would you say she did?
Because I know how my mum works, she asked questions that beat around the bush and aren’t the real question if you know what I mean. It’s very annoying Hmm

My partner is from a family/culture where Christmas isn’t celebrated, he has decided to spend time with his family instead for other reasons.

If my mum had banned him then none of us would have gone, I would think she was being ridiculous.

OP posts:
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