To ask if you know any couples who have split over vaccination status.

[JudyGemstone]

My partner and I both work in healthcare, although I have a client facing clinical role and he doesn’t (call centre).

I have had both vaccines and the booster, mainly as the NHS require it, I have no particular strong feelings around it either way.

My partner hasn’t had it and will not be, he does have strong feelings about it. This doesn’t bother me in itself, but it seems like our lives might become more separate/distant as things like travel/events etc are affected.

My mum was already making noises about not wanting him to come with us to my parents for Xmas, he has made other plans now anyway and I wouldn’t have supported my mum in excluding him but it made me think, if these sort of things keep happening/get worse I’m not sure how that’ll impact on our relationship.

Do you know of any couples who have split over vaccine differences?
Would you be willing to split with a partner over this?

Thanks

@PlanktonsComputerWife

I'd make it clear to my mother that further attempts to interfere in my marriage would permanently sour relations between her and you. But you'll overlook it this once. It's Christmas, after all.

I don’t see the mother as interfering at all, but concerned at the real, potential risk of catching Covid from an unvaccinated person when the infection rate is so high. I’d feel protective of her, and the absolute opposite of this response

If the vaccine stopped you catching covid altogether, then fair enough. As it doesn't, but as it does significantly reduce the risk of hospitalization for the vaccinated person himself, it is OP's husband who is at risk here.

Perhaps MIL realizes this and is trying to save OP's husband from himself, but I have my doubts.

I'm not sure i would end the relationship but if he was a guy I was planning on having children with it would for me have prompted a conversation of his reasoning- whether it was just because this Covid one is relatively new or if they were antivax in general as I wouldn't have had children with DH if he opposed their childhood vaccinations.

I can imagine breaking up with someone over vaccine differences. Eg If my partner didn’t agree to our baby having their standard childhood vaccinations, I wouldn’t accept that as a valid opinion.

As far as covid vaccines go, if someone ends up unable to go to theatres, restaurants, pubs, festivals, holidays etc etc I can’t see a relationship being sustainable

It puts me off when I'm looking on plenty of fish or whatever, and the man has the "vaccinated" badge.
So what? Do you want a medal?
I work in healthcare and am hesitant. I've had covid, have antibodies so don't want it at the moment.
And out of the people I know who've had covid, I recovered the quickest, and best. I was unvaccinated at the time.
I've just seen my first post vaccine death (being investigated as an unexpected death).
I don't want my job under threat because I don't want endless boosters.

It does put me off when someone is so vehemently pro vaxx and doesn't listen to anyone's doubts.

I don’t see the mother as interfering at all, but concerned at the real, potential risk of catching Covid from an unvaccinated person when the infection rate is so high. I’d feel protective of her, and the absolute opposite of this response

Me too.

My friend's husband chose not to be vaccinated, she is double jabbed. Last month they both caught Covid - she is now a widow.

@Brownpigeon

See I would see that the exact other way around: anyone putting "vaccinated" on their status isn't wanting a "medal", they are just trying to demonstrate that they are doing everything not to put the health of anyone they are dating at risk, surely?

Also why should people listen to anyone's "doubts" over medical data? People may not be able to help being anxious or hesitant but their views don't get to get priority over sound medical advice.

I didn't say they get priority. I said their doubts aren't listened to.
I'm a medical professional. I take on both sides of opinions (doctors, scientists, nurses).
I'm not stupid. But yes, I'm hesitant. The goalposts keep being changed. I don't want a booster loyalty card!

@Lasair

Why would your mum not want him to come without a vaccine? As the vaccine does g stop the spread your mum is being OTT. I don’t think you should leave a good relationship over this.

Seatbelts don't prevent car accidents. Should we do away with those?

@pointythings

I wouldn't consider it acceptable in a partner because it's a deliberate choice to risk causing greater worry in your loved one if you do get ill. Beyond just the COVID vaccination I would not go anywhere near anyone who was a full on antivaxxer for fear of issues around vaccinating any children born into the partnership.

The freedom argument is bullshit - nobody has unlimited freedom.

You can also tell the freedom argument is bullshit because the government is also systematically dismantling the Human Rights Act, the right to protest and the rights of non-white Britons to feel secure in their citizenship. Not a PEEP from the anti-vaxx crowd about any of that.

I would be massively put off if my partner did not want to be vaccinated, it would make me think he was a bit of a nut job.

Incidentally his mum is clinically vulnerable and has also asked him the same questions, he will do an LFT before seeing her though, we all would.

I could accept the not vaccinating if he was also shielding before visiting her. But if he wont protect his own mother beyond taking an LFT, well I'd be wondering if there are any women he does really care about or respect.

@PlanktonsComputerWife

I'd make it clear to my mother that further attempts to interfere in my marriage would permanently sour relations between her and you. But you'll overlook it this once. It's Christmas, after all.

Oh believe, if it had come down to it I would have told her exactly what I thought about that! I doubt she would have actually banned him but she might have treated him a bit like a leper which wouldn’t have been nice!

It is such a shame it’s all becoming so divisive. I’m sad for society

You can also tell the freedom argument is bullshit because the government is also systematically dismantling the Human Rights Act, the right to protest and the rights of non-white Britons to feel secure in their citizenship. Not a PEEP from the anti-vaxx crowd about any of that.

Not a peep from proud left-wingers that vax mandates will mostly harm the non-white communities, working class and women.
Wait and see how well being unvaccinated goes with a bid for citizenship.

@Camii

An old friend begged her anti vax dh (late 40s) to be vaccinated. He refused and caught covid. He was intubated and in a coma. It was horrendous. He is now out of icu and recovering. I haven't asked her if he regrets not getting vaccinated but I felt so sad for her and their kids while he was so ill. They were not expecting him to recover. The anguish was simply terrible. He is a very opinionated person and I wonder how they will deal with letting their older kids getting the vaccine.

In the unvaccinated patients I've seen, when they realize that they are seriously ill with covid they usually demand request the vaccine, then get angry when they're told that it will do them no good at that stage.

CatsArePeople you're comparing apples and elephants. People wanting citzenship can... just get vaxxed. Unless they have a valid medical exemption, in which case they don't have to. Choices, consequences.

Meanwhile we don't have a choice about what the government that most of us didn't vote for due to FPTP do with our civil liberties.

Meanwhile we don't have a choice about what the government that most of us didn't vote for due to FPTP do with our civil liberties.

The civil liberties depending on vaccination status. Why do you think anti-protest bill was needed in the first place? To protect statues?

The civil liberties depending on vaccination status. Why do you think anti-protest bill was needed in the first place? To protect statues?

That, and to prevent the kind of mass demonstrations we saw in the runup to Brexit, which we might well start to see again once it really starts to bite. The Tories aren't just authoritarian about one thing, you know.

When people start being refused healthcare or access to food shopping because of their vaccination status, I'll be out there on the street getting arrested. But when it comes to people not being able to go out to leisure venues because of their vaccination status, I don't have so much of an issue because those things aren't essential. And because barring medical exemptions, they could just get vaxxed. 'I don't want to' isn't a valid reason in the context of a global pandemic.

[quote Lacedwithgrace]@WhoopsWhatsMyNameAgain He doesn't know, she's kept it all a secret and I look after her vaccine cards so he doesn't find them. The only time she brought up the vaccine with him he threatened her with some really nasty things so she's kept it all quiet. He was a lovely guy before covid, it's completely unexpected.[/quote]
I expect one day, when the pandemic is a thing of the past, and the radicals creep back under the rock they came from, that he will look back and realise that he's ruined the most important thing in his life.

It's so easy to get swept up in that shit. But his behaviour towards his loved ones isn't excusible I'm glad she's leaving.