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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you know any couples who have split over vaccination status.

202 replies

JudyGemstone · 14/12/2021 10:58

My partner and I both work in healthcare, although I have a client facing clinical role and he doesn’t (call centre).

I have had both vaccines and the booster, mainly as the NHS require it, I have no particular strong feelings around it either way.

My partner hasn’t had it and will not be, he does have strong feelings about it. This doesn’t bother me in itself, but it seems like our lives might become more separate/distant as things like travel/events etc are affected.

My mum was already making noises about not wanting him to come with us to my parents for Xmas, he has made other plans now anyway and I wouldn’t have supported my mum in excluding him but it made me think, if these sort of things keep happening/get worse I’m not sure how that’ll impact on our relationship.

Do you know of any couples who have split over vaccine differences?
Would you be willing to split with a partner over this?

Thanks

OP posts:
CatsArePeople · 15/12/2021 19:08

Meanwhile I have no problem with vaccine refusers not having access to the fun parts of society.

In other words, bring on segregation, hopefully that won't concern me Hmm

XenoBitch · 15/12/2021 19:11

@CatsArePeople

Meanwhile I have no problem with vaccine refusers not having access to the fun parts of society.

In other words, bring on segregation, hopefully that won't concern me Hmm

Yep, stuff like this just comes across as "punish the unclean!!"

Any segregation etc should be based on science.. not punishment.

CatsArePeople · 15/12/2021 19:14

Any segregation etc should be based on science.. not punishment.

The bottom line - there is ZERO science in vax passports. Tests? That's debatable, but soon tests will no longer be an option anyway. Its about coercion.

MidnightMeltdown · 15/12/2021 19:36

I'm not sure that I would split up with someone because of that alone, but it would be a major red flag which would lead me to start questioning other things (e.g. their intelligence and selfishness). I doubt that the relationship would last long....

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/12/2021 19:43

I think that going forward it may wear relationships down, in the same way that being with someone who won’t learn to drive or is appalling with money is wearing. Unless there is a medical reason, it will feel like making life difficult for no particular purpose to the vaccinated partner.

pointythings · 15/12/2021 19:43

The science right now still says that if you are vaccinated, you have a reduced spread of the virus. Not zero, but reduced. And I have no time for people who don't want to make that effort. When the science says it makes no difference, we can review. That isn't punishment, it's people doing their bit and taking responsibility. As I've said before, 'I don't want to' doesn't cut it in a global pandemic.

sqirrelfriends · 15/12/2021 19:47

Going against the grain here a bit but I think it would put pressure on the relationship. I have friends who haven't vaccinated and I wouldn't dream of saying anything negative about that, but I don't have to live with them.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 15/12/2021 20:10

If the relationship had otherwise been good I wouldn’t split, but I’d be very disappointed in him and think he was an idiot. So it’d certainly affect how I felt about him.

KeflavikAirport · 15/12/2021 20:19

Problem with my body my choice in this case is that it's a fucking infectious disease Hmm

Eleganz · 15/12/2021 20:37

The problem with anti-vax is it is one gateway into a whole range of strange and dangerous conspiracy theories and extreme political positions. Disagreements like this in relationships often end up uncovering a whole load on unsavoury and wacky opinions that further drive a wedge between a couple.

As a scientist I have no truck with anti-vax or any other fundamentally anti-scientific position. They are based on emotion and the mistaking of anecdote for data.

The reality is that vaccines need to have a high take up rate in a population to be truly effective, when that take up rate is too low it is a risk for the whole population including the vaccinated. It provides a reservoir of easily infected hosts that can lead to mutated new variants for example. It simply isn't good enough to just let a large proportion of the population remain unvaccinated if we truly want to get to grips with COVID. You want to get back to normal? Get vaccinated.

Eleganz · 15/12/2021 20:43

@CatsArePeople

Any segregation etc should be based on science.. not punishment.

The bottom line - there is ZERO science in vax passports. Tests? That's debatable, but soon tests will no longer be an option anyway. Its about coercion.

Well apart from the fact that vaccinated people are less likely to catch COVID and less likely to suffer serious illness of course.
XenoBitch · 15/12/2021 20:47

*Well apart from the fact that vaccinated people are less likely to catch COVID and less likely to suffer serious illness of course.

Australia are saying you need to be vaccinated to work form home.
What is the science behind that? Apart from coercion.

pointythings · 15/12/2021 20:55

I don't agree with demanding vaccines for WFH - that's ridiculous. It's also 1) not being suggested here and 2) completely different from demanding vaccines in public leisure venues.

And don't give me the 'slippery slope' argument - it's so often used as a cheap excuse to do nothing.

underneaththeash · 15/12/2021 20:58

It’s a bit like visible tattoos, it just indicates bad judgement.

Derbee · 15/12/2021 21:09

@underneaththeash

It’s a bit like visible tattoos, it just indicates bad judgement.
Biscuit
BeardieWeirdie · 15/12/2021 21:11

I wouldn’t let an unvaccinated adult into my house, and tough titties if they were married to my child or not. If you make the “personal choice” not to be vaccinated, you cannot complain when others reasonably treat you as a social pariah for the protection of their own health.

pointythings · 15/12/2021 21:18

@underneaththeash

It’s a bit like visible tattoos, it just indicates bad judgement.
Well, that's not irrelevant and snobbish at all.
KeflavikAirport · 15/12/2021 21:32

I'd like to see a sour e on Australia as a quick Google suggests a) it's state-dependent and b) the rule is if you are not jabbed you should work from home.

XenoBitch · 15/12/2021 21:35

@BeardieWeirdie

I wouldn’t let an unvaccinated adult into my house, and tough titties if they were married to my child or not. If you make the “personal choice” not to be vaccinated, you cannot complain when others reasonably treat you as a social pariah for the protection of their own health.
Why are you scared of unvaccinated people?
underneaththeash · 15/12/2021 21:41

@Derbee it does. They reduce your chance of employment. Then..you get older, they sag, the colour fades, they look even worse!

pointythings · 15/12/2021 21:47

They reduce your chance of employment.

This is changing fast as the world gets over itself and stops being so precious about appearances. Office dress codes are fast becoming less formal. And a good thing too.

My last boss was a very senior manager in the NHS - who had a full sleeve on one arm. He was excellent, competent and a wonderful human being and a lot of perfect tattoo-less people could learn from him.

I have no tattoos, btw - I'm too chicken.

BeardieWeirdie · 15/12/2021 22:13

@XenoBitch I never said I was scared, it’s more having no desire to be around morons with no social conscience. That and they are more likely to transmit covid than vaccinated people. I have to put up with anti-vaxxers in the shops but there’s no way they’re welcome in my house and there are no apologies given for that.

XenoBitch · 15/12/2021 22:23

[quote BeardieWeirdie]@XenoBitch I never said I was scared, it’s more having no desire to be around morons with no social conscience. That and they are more likely to transmit covid than vaccinated people. I have to put up with anti-vaxxers in the shops but there’s no way they’re welcome in my house and there are no apologies given for that.[/quote]
How can you tell who is an anti-vaxxer in the shops?

BeardieWeirdie · 15/12/2021 22:33

My point is that there are unvaccinated people in shops/public transport/work who you unfortunately come into unavoidable contact with - not that they wear a “I’m an anti-Vaxxer” t-shirt. In the confines of your own home, you call the shots.

CatsArePeople · 16/12/2021 12:48

The problem with anti-vax is it is one gateway into a whole range of strange and dangerous conspiracy theories and extreme political positions. Disagreements like this in relationships often end up uncovering a whole load on unsavoury and wacky opinions that further drive a wedge between a couple.

Unfortunately, this is happening with my mum and dad now. Unvaccinated - fair enough. But mum has a group of like-minded facebook friends who made it their hobby to wind each other up with doomsday alarmist shit. From Bible thumping to "world famous" fortune tellers. My dad on the other hand is more into Russian propaganda. He doesn't want the jab because its American. He would happily take the Russian one, except nobody will give it to him.