To ask if you know any couples who have split over vaccination status.

[JudyGemstone]

My partner and I both work in healthcare, although I have a client facing clinical role and he doesn’t (call centre).

I have had both vaccines and the booster, mainly as the NHS require it, I have no particular strong feelings around it either way.

My partner hasn’t had it and will not be, he does have strong feelings about it. This doesn’t bother me in itself, but it seems like our lives might become more separate/distant as things like travel/events etc are affected.

My mum was already making noises about not wanting him to come with us to my parents for Xmas, he has made other plans now anyway and I wouldn’t have supported my mum in excluding him but it made me think, if these sort of things keep happening/get worse I’m not sure how that’ll impact on our relationship.

Do you know of any couples who have split over vaccine differences?
Would you be willing to split with a partner over this?

Thanks

It must be a bit tough if you can no longer travel or go to events together. But depends on how much of those things you do I suppose.

My dad is CEV, diabetic, and waiting on heart surgery. Would I want to bring into his house someone who is at much higher risk of having COVID that could be passed on to him? Of course not. It’s like playing Russian Roulette. People have the right not to get vaccinated but we have the right to protect each other, and that’s what antivaxxers are not doing.

Hmmm. If my DH was an avid anti-vaxxer, I would have to question whether our values are the same.

And I don't think 'the let's keep our medical situations secret' holds water. What worries me, is the thought that I might be mixing with someone who wasn't vaxed and didn't do an LFT before meeting me, if they don't know whether I'm vulnerable (which I am).

Yes exactly, although we are a very independent couple and spend quite a bit of time apart, and I have other people I can travel with so thats fine.

I don’t actually give a shit what my mum/other people think. Just wondering if this might ultimately take us on different paths.

@Lasair

Why would your mum not want him to come without a vaccine? As the vaccine does g stop the spread your mum is being OTT. I don’t think you should leave a good relationship over this.

But we all know now that it reduces the spread.

Your Mum is entitled to make her own decision about her own health.

@JudyGemstone

Yes my mum was definitely being OTT, she didn’t so much ban him from coming - she just asked me ‘has x had any vaccinations yet and is he not worried about the omicron variation?’ So I felt it might be heading that way.

I am confused why you interpreted your mums words to mean he isn't welcome? It reads as her just being concerned for his sake? It just seems like a big jump.

@TisTheSeasonToBeVegan

These threads. 😅 I’m a bit suspicious that people are coming up with more and more stuff to get at unvaccinated people. Now it that our partners may leave us because we can’t go with them to a concert. Are you scared enough to have the vaccine yet? Are you? Are you?

Yep I split with a partner over it in the summer. I’m cev so had to have to the 2 jabs the same as my family. Strangely he worked for the police and refused to have it as he’s apparently a big tough man 😂😂. I ended it there and then as he wasn’t putting my health at risk for no one.

Personally yes it would hugely put me off a partner if they were an anti-vaxxer.

Strangely he worked for the police and refused to have it as he’s apparently a big tough man

I would split from any man that said ‘I’m a big tough man’.

“JudyGemstone
Yes my mum was definitely being OTT, she didn’t so much ban him from coming - she just asked me ‘has x had any vaccinations yet and is he not worried about the omicron variation?’
So I felt it might be heading that way.

I am confused why you interpreted your mums words to mean he isn't welcome? It reads as her just being concerned for his sake? It just seems like a big jump.”

Yes possibly, we just had a sense that might be what she was getting at. She’s a very indirect communicator. But like I said, she isn’t the reason he’s doing something else.

Incidentally his mum is clinically vulnerable and has also asked him the same questions, he will do an LFT before seeing her though, we all would.

@TisTheSeasonToBeVegan

These threads. 😅 I’m a bit suspicious that people are coming up with more and more stuff to get at unvaccinated people. Now it that our partners may leave us because we can’t go with them to a concert. Are you scared enough to have the vaccine yet? Are you? Are you?

I’m just musing really, I don’t have an agenda to get him or anyone else vaccinated.

There’s a lot more to our relationship than travel and events thankfully. I suppose if someone’s relationship is quite superficial then maybe.

People who enjoy travel and outings with their partner are superficial? That's an odd take.

For me it would depend. I understand people being hesitant to vaccinate but if they revealed themselves to be an antivaxxer of the tinfoil hat variety the. I would obviously run a mile.

My best friend came to visit last week. She's not vaccinated as she has concerns about her fertility, fair enough but it meant we couldn't go anywhere. Usually we'd go for dinner/drinks/cinema or something when she stays but all those options were out. I found it a complete pain in the arse and if it was my husband I'd be pretty pissed off too. I don't think I'd end the relationship over it but I would think him a bit of an idiot!

Not a partner but my dsd moved in with us and won't stay at her dms due to antivax, anti mask and general right wing propaganda. She's seeing them outside for a walk at Christmas, it's upsetting her that they are being so reckless

I don't think this in itself would cause me to split from a partner perse but it's likely to represent a long list of other ways a couple isn't compatible, I doubt it would be an isolated incident, if you have differing opinions on a subject like this.

I wouldn’t stay with someone who wasn’t very intelligent so it’d be an issue for me

I'm unlikely to have got on with someone who would refuse a vaxx enough to have married them - but if they didn't want the vaxc but were prepared to do things like testing before seeing vulnerable relatives, wear masks, take steps to avoid covid if probably accept it.
If they were full on "you're all scared sheeple, covid is a scam, I'm not wearing a mask... etc" then I'd not want to stay in that relationship.
And I'd not welcome someone not vaxxed and with that attitude of not being willing to do an LFT before visiting into my house either.
My choice to protect vulnerable relatives. Same as their choice not to get vaxxed.

I was told I couldn't bring my DCs to a garden party (in September, they are under 11) because they weren't vaccinated. I suspected it was an excuse (it was a mainly adult party) but the host assured me that in normal times she's had lots of children at her garden parties.
I didn't fancy going on my own so I didn't go (and missed out on seeing a lot of people I hadn't seen for 2 years).

I know of one couple where it is putting one hell of a lot of pressure on their marriage - and she's not unintelligent, by any means. She has however, become very isolated, and is now caught in an echo chamber of QAnon conspiracy theorists. It makes my heart ache to see how hard this is for them.

I don't know ...

I mean, it's about more than just the vaccine isn't it. Yes, we know now that spread isn't lowered by the vaccine but we didn't know that before. He was presumably refusing the vaccine at a time when that's all we (thought we) had to protect the elderly and vulnerable. That's does say something about his character.

I'm all for personal choice when it doesn't harm others. But he was willing to continue being a risk to vulnerable people over nothing (unless he has reputable reason not to have it?).

Yes, now we know it only affects the unvaccinated. But before, he was willing to put his own nonsensical beliefs above others safety - unless he continued to isolate beyond the required period?

Would it break us? Well no, because we've been together 10+ years, have kids, a mortgage and shared lives. Would it a few months or a year or two in? Maybe. It's the selfishness and stupidity more than the vaccine.

@drspouse

I was told I couldn't bring my DCs to a garden party (in September, they are under 11) because they weren't vaccinated. I suspected it was an excuse (it was a mainly adult party) but the host assured me that in normal times she's had lots of children at her garden parties. I didn't fancy going on my own so I didn't go (and missed out on seeing a lot of people I hadn't seen for 2 years).

That's fair enough in my eyes though. Kids were known to be superspreaders due to school. If it's otherwise adult-only with some feeling iffy about Covid, it makes sense to not invite kids at a time when Covid was rife in schools.

And regardless of garden party, your kids may need the toilet or it may rain etc, bringing guests indoors

@JudyGemstone

Yes exactly, although we are a very independent couple and spend quite a bit of time apart, and I have other people I can travel with so thats fine.

I don’t actually give a shit what my mum/other people think. Just wondering if this might ultimately take us on different paths.

That's a bit sad you don't care what anyone thinks including your own mum. Surely other people matter too, isn't that the whole point? It's not all about him, although he clearly thinks it is

My partner is not vaccinated and it doesn’t bother me, we both had Covid before there was a jab available and we were fine. The jabs are clearly not designed to last long term, given that we already need boosters and the vaccination is not particularly effective against the new variant. I do not wish to have a booster every few months for the rest of my life and I can understand why some people are choosing not to have it. I would never split with someone solely because of their vaccination status.

I’m just musing really, I don’t have an agenda to get him or anyone else vaccinated.

Ok.

The thing is, i don’t think there is anything that our relationship wouldn’t survive. Other than an affair, neither of us would stand for that. 😂

We’ve been through so much more than not being able to go to a concert or other events. Our relationship has survived one of us having a serious injury, illness, a very ill child, family issues, depression, redundancy, those things put serious stress on us. I don’t go abroad anyway due to my lifestyle choices, he chooses not to go without me, so a difference in vaccination status, it doesn’t even get mentioned. I’m taking my partner to get his booster tomorrow and then it’ll probably never be mentioned again. We’ll adapt our life more if we have to, if the government brings in more restrictions but nothing would make us not want to be a couple.

I know a couple with this issue. He is "pro" the Covid vaccine and she doesn't want it. It is the only real issue they have as a couple, they're solid on other political/social fronts. Neither feel anywhere near strong enough to consider a split over it, think they just plan to muddle through.