To ask if you know any couples who have split over vaccination status.

[JudyGemstone]

My partner and I both work in healthcare, although I have a client facing clinical role and he doesn’t (call centre).

I have had both vaccines and the booster, mainly as the NHS require it, I have no particular strong feelings around it either way.

My partner hasn’t had it and will not be, he does have strong feelings about it. This doesn’t bother me in itself, but it seems like our lives might become more separate/distant as things like travel/events etc are affected.

My mum was already making noises about not wanting him to come with us to my parents for Xmas, he has made other plans now anyway and I wouldn’t have supported my mum in excluding him but it made me think, if these sort of things keep happening/get worse I’m not sure how that’ll impact on our relationship.

Do you know of any couples who have split over vaccine differences?
Would you be willing to split with a partner over this?

Thanks

I don't have so much of an issue because those things aren't essential. And because barring medical exemptions, they could just get vaxxed.

In other countries they banned grocery shopping already. Because leisure venues people can easily do without, no big deal.

In other countries they banned grocery shopping already.

Which ones? Don't say France or Canada, because they haven't.

@Katieandthekids

It's actually no ones business if he's been vaccinated or not. My husband is considering not getting the booster to stand up for freedom of choice etc. I am personally a bit annoyed as we have a young family and I need him to be as healthy as possible but no way would we break up over it. He also voted brexit and conservative in the last election. I voted remain and spoilt my ballot. You don't have to be completely in line with all this bullshit as long as your core values align.

Stand up for freedom of choice lol. What a hero!

@user1471442488

I know right?

All these people who have never read a newspaper or given a shit about any political issues in their lives who are now “standing up for freedom of choice”.

Stand up for their rights to be contrarian know it alls more like.

In Germany you aren't allowed in most shops without a vaccine certificate now. So yes, it would be inconvenient to have an unvaccinated partner but I wouldn't necessarily break up over it.

I believe in freedom of choice. However I also judge those that don't get vaccinated as extremely selfish. So it'd be major issue for me as I'd lose a lot of respect for a non vaxxing partner.

Stand up for their rights to be contrarian know it alls more like.

Many people didn't feel they needed to fight for their rights before.
I'm more bemused by the woke and progressive brigade who think segregation is cool again and civil rights actually don't matter.

I definitely would break up with someone who refused the vaccine.

@ImInStealthMode

What a world we now live in that people think it's in any way appropriate to enquire about someone's private medical information, and expect an answer.

Exactly this. Ridiculous.

@CatsArePeople

Stand up for their rights to be contrarian know it alls more like.

Many people didn't feel they needed to fight for their rights before.
I'm more bemused by the woke and progressive brigade who think segregation is cool again and civil rights actually don't matter.

Those people are clearly not “woke”. They’d be fighting for the rights of all, if they were.

@RickJames

In Germany you aren't allowed in most shops without a vaccine certificate now. So yes, it would be inconvenient to have an unvaccinated partner but I wouldn't necessarily break up over it.

But shops supplying essentials are not included in those restrictions. You can get food shopping or go to a pharmacy for medication.

Shopping for fun - yes, you need to get vaccinated or sho another form of proof. Choices, consequences.

CatsArePeople it's about balancing individual rights with what is needed to keep a society functioning. We have people among us who cannot be vaccinated for medical reasons, or for whom the vaccines don't work very well. Those of us who refuse to be vaccinated but can be are making a wilful choice to increase the risk for the most vulnerable among us. That's shitty behaviour and should have consequences. And I'm fine with that.

My kids are young, slim, and healthy. And vaccinated. The risk to them is small, but we have people around us who are immunocompromised because of cancer treatment. So we choose to give a shit.

You call it segregation. I call it consequences for not taking responsibility.

We have people among us who cannot be vaccinated for medical reasons, or for whom the vaccines don't work very well.

There are basically no exemptions. Even if you nearly died from the first shot and they managed to revive you, that doesn't make you exempt.

Shopping for fun - yes, you need to get vaccinated or sho another form of proof. Choices, consequences.

That makes clothes, shoes, household appliances non-essential shopping.

@Pedalpushers

I don't think seeing people with side effects is a particularly well thought out reason not to get vaccinated - as surely he should know the statistics on serious side effects vs the potential severity of covid for the unvaccinated. The risks aren't even comparable.

As a scientist in the healthcare and infection control sphere, I couldn't be with someone who didn't believe in vaccination, it is just too much of a clash with my own values. In this case however it seems you don't actually mind, you're more concerned about what others think? Tell them to mind their own bloody business and that someone's vaccination status is nothing to do with them.

It's a bit like when that brain surgeon was saying that cycle helmets are pointless because he still sees nasty cases in spite of them. Never mind the cases he doesn't see because the helmet saved them...

It's important to look at the bigger picture, the OP's husband will be hearing from all those who had bad side effects but won't hear from the millions who had nothing more than a bad hangover which wasn't worth phoning in about.

@pointythings

Correct, you can still get food, go to the building supply and get pharmacy. Sports/ leisure venues are closed to non-vaxxed. And Christmas market and restaurants etc.

I'm surprised at myself that I agree. In the past I would have disagreed with this but now I'm thinking, just get the damn vaccine! I didnt love getting it, but it is what it is. Sometimes you just have to toe the line. Or at least weigh up what you need vs what you want.

It's a bit like when that brain surgeon was saying that cycle helmets are pointless because he still sees nasty cases in spite of them. Never mind the cases he doesn't see because the helmet saved them...

"In spite" is not the same as "as a result".
Unsatisfactory, let alone unsafe, products get pulled from the market. Faulty designs aren't blamed on consumers who did not buy them.

I'm extremely vulnerable. My oh and kids all get the flu vaccines for me aswell. Kids are too young to get covid vaccine. The kids have almost killed me with passing on their colds nvm covid. Prior to lockdown I was in hospital at least twice a year at risk of death and needing oxygen. 2019 I was almost put on a ventilator till they managed to stabilise me on 60% oxygen. I had already passed out by that point after my last thoughts being silent goodbyes to my kids and partner in my mind. I cried for weeks after. It was so traumatic. My partnerhas had his 2 doses of covid vaccine and waiting for 3rd. He doesn't do it for himself, he does it for me because he loves me and has seen the risk I am at to these things. The last almost 2 years have been glorious. I have had one chest infection and I managed to fight it off myself with 0 medications bar my usual inhalers and tablets. I can't explain how wonderful it was. I have 0 respect for people who don't get their vaccines without a medical reason behind it and if my partner didn't share concern for my health then yeh, I could see there being a major breakdown in our relationship no matter how much I loved him. Vaccines reduce the risk of transmission and reduce the risk of serious illness/death if you do catch it.
Death isn't the only risk either, there can be long term and life long after effects of catching covid.

Covid has been intresting in that everyone has had to make lots of judgement calls in a rapidly changing environment and it seems to have encouraged people to become quite moralistic to back up their own decisions. My parents regularly flouted laws (travel distance, "essential shopping, particularly when had symptoms etc i considered calling the police on them. At one point, our relationship is not close ) ... but judged others who they perceived to be taking greater risks. Luckily my partner and I have been largely aligned in our views but seeing how different people can be I can imagine it would be challenging. Several of my friends are unvaxed because of pregnancy / TTC. Some of my friends insist on only socialising outside, so I don't see them much.

CatsArePeople I don't know if German supermarkets sell things like household appliances in the same way that large Tescos do, for instance, but let's face it - we have this thing called the Internet, which you can use to order things like shoes, washing machines etc.

The problem with exemptions is that some bad reactions to the vaccine, specifically those involving clotting issues, are part of the nature of the virus - the risk of dangerous blood clotting problems from COVID is orders of magnitude greater than getting those things as a side effect from the vaccine. Ditto with the risk of Long COVID type symptoms. I do think there should be exemptions for people who have clotting disorders. However, the issue of protecting people for whom the vaccine doesn't work because their immune systems are compromised stands - and those are the people with most to lose.

The choice then is for the clinically vulnerable to be in permanent lockdown, or for there to be restrictions on the wilfully unvaccinated. That's a no brainer for me.

Tbh I would split up with my partner in this scenario. But then I feel really strongly about how important vaccinations are (I’m a microbiologist). I always have, even pre-covid. Vaccinations are safe and the best thing you can do to protect both yourself and your loved ones as well as vulnerable members of society.

It’s a huge dealbreaker for me, but that’s because I feel so strongly about it. So to answer your question yes I would. (Thankfully my partner is equally positive about vaccines 🙂).

I understand bodily autonomy etc. Which is why if I had a partner who was against it then fine for them. But I wouldn’t be able to move past it, so it would spell the end.

My ex and his most recent girlfriend have split up over his refusal to have a vaccine.

They have a CEV child and she’s very upset that he’s chosen not to have the vaccine that does reduce his chances of passing it on, and also to protect them from the issues that could be caused by him getting ill.

He is a knob generally so I doubt it was the only issue, most likely the final straw.

@TisTheSeasonToBeVegan

Would you be willing to split with a partner over this?

Lol. No, of course not and neither would he. There’s a lot more to our relationship than travel and events thankfully. I suppose if someone’s relationship is quite superficial then maybe.

Nasty comment and unecessary

I'd probably drift apart from a partner like this as I'd be avoiding certain topics and I definitely wouldn't sacrifice going to my parents or seeing friends or anything because of him. I also wouldn't be remotely sympathetic when he got ill and I'd stop inviting him out to meet people I cared about the first time he embarrassed me by talking "at length" about it, as you said he did in the summer. Even the doubt that "would he be nice if you got Covid, or smug and unbearable?" All these things would chip away at what a relationship is.

I would never dream of siding with him over my mum either, as he's the one being selfish, not her. He wants to avoid some side effects, she wants to avoid actual Covid. I can't understand how you are feeling her decisions on her health are less valid than his, has she just not worn you down the way he has? I'd reflect on that and make sure he wasn't poisoning any of your other relationships.

If I was you, I would try and have boundaries that he was not allowed to talk about it any more, at all, you don't want to hear it. He doesn't get to throw around manipulative terms like gaslighting and any consequences are his alone. If he couldn't even respect you wanting him to get off his soapbox, then I'd seriously consider leaving him.

CatsArePeople I don't know if German supermarkets sell things like household appliances in the same way that large Tescos do, for instance, but let's face it - we have this thing called the Internet, which you can use to order things like shoes, washing machines etc.

The country where my parents live - big supermarkets which sell eveything are off limits. Only small grocery shops allowed. As for a thing called internet - good luck for older generation to figure it out.
Also the government is thinking to stop paying pensions. Because old folks don't worry about losing jobs or things like going clubbing. Conspiracy theory you will say?

I would not accept blocking pension payments for refusing the vaccine because an income is an essential. A market for companies who will allow telephone orders may well emerge if there's money in vaccine refusers. Meanwhile I have no problem with vaccine refusers not having access to the fun parts of society. I'd rather my vaccinated cancer survivor next door neighbour got a shot at going out and enjoying life than that he had to sit indoor whilst refusers get to live it up.