To ask if you know any couples who have split over vaccination status.

[JudyGemstone]

My partner and I both work in healthcare, although I have a client facing clinical role and he doesn’t (call centre).

I have had both vaccines and the booster, mainly as the NHS require it, I have no particular strong feelings around it either way.

My partner hasn’t had it and will not be, he does have strong feelings about it. This doesn’t bother me in itself, but it seems like our lives might become more separate/distant as things like travel/events etc are affected.

My mum was already making noises about not wanting him to come with us to my parents for Xmas, he has made other plans now anyway and I wouldn’t have supported my mum in excluding him but it made me think, if these sort of things keep happening/get worse I’m not sure how that’ll impact on our relationship.

Do you know of any couples who have split over vaccine differences?
Would you be willing to split with a partner over this?

Thanks

It depends why they weren't having it, if it's because they believed bill Gates had put microchips in it, then yes I'd break up with them!

Lacedwithgrace

I hope she manages to fully escape him. I doubt he actually was a lovely guy before covid though.

@TisTheSeasonToBeVegan

I’m just musing really, I don’t have an agenda to get him or anyone else vaccinated.

Ok.

The thing is, i don’t think there is anything that our relationship wouldn’t survive. Other than an affair, neither of us would stand for that. 😂

We’ve been through so much more than not being able to go to a concert or other events. Our relationship has survived one of us having a serious injury, illness, a very ill child, family issues, depression, redundancy, those things put serious stress on us. I don’t go abroad anyway due to my lifestyle choices, he chooses not to go without me, so a difference in vaccination status, it doesn’t even get mentioned. I’m taking my partner to get his booster tomorrow and then it’ll probably never be mentioned again. We’ll adapt our life more if we have to, if the government brings in more restrictions but nothing would make us not want to be a couple.

That’s really lovely 😊 I don’t think we would split up directly due to this, just if it signals a real drift in values and lifestyle I could see it potentially becoming an issue.

@TooBigForMyBoots

Not "split", but I know a man (40s) who held back having the vaccine because his wife was reluctant. He died in the summer. His poor wife is seriously struggling and blames herself.

Oh god how awful

@Justgivemeamoment

Yes I would have seen my DH very differently had he refused the vaccines but that alone probably wouldn't break us.

Don't know if you have or are planning to have children ? How about their vaccinations, is or would he be happy with them ? There are a lot of jabs in the first few years and as babies can't give their consent. Personally that would be deal breaker for me, I wouldn't want to have a family with someone who doesn't want to get our children vaccinated.

I have two teenage children with an ex. They have both had one dose so far.

We won’t be having children together.

Like others, it would depend on their reasoning. If it was indicative of a “you’re all scared sheeple” type mentality I’d end things because that is not the sort of person I want to spend my life with.

What a world we now live in that people think it's in any way appropriate to enquire about someone's private medical information, and expect an answer

The only reason I know certain people are anti-vaxxers is that they go on about it all the time.
One is a hairdresser, not my hairdresser fortunately, who spouts her views to her clients. Highly inappropriate.

And in OP's case, she said it was openly discussed.

Maybe I live in a bit of an echo chamber but I have not spoken to anyone who has not been keen to get the vaccine.

Even the needle phobic who took three goes and a lot of encouragement. The staff were absolutely brilliant, said she was welcome to go just inside the centre first time and then try to get further the next time. Chair in a screened off area made available once she could get inside the centre. Clear she could leave anytime she felt it necessary.

Member of staff to reassure (and mop up the tears). Eventually needle phobic gave consent to be given the vaccine in that private area. A bit of drama but they got it done.

Vaccines are about the greater good.

It might be scary to hear about side effects experienced by those you actually know. However, drawing from anecdotal evidence rather than the controlled tests may show an unrepresentative picture.

High rates of vaccination lead Ultimately to fewer mutations of the virus, so that it weakens over time.

Not being prepared to join in being vaccinated for the greater good: On reflection, I don't think I would want to be in a relationship with someone who wasn't prepared to put their own concerns aside.

When else would they take decisions based on unrepresentative evidence? I would not be happy in that situation trying to have a discussion based on objective criteria. We are fully dosed up.

We haven't split but I can comment on the Christmas situation. I spoke first and said I we would just have Christmas on our own as I know DM is very worried about CV and DP isn't vaccinated and I didn't want him to feel awkward nor for them to feel awkward. It isn't making any difference to our social lives as I disagree with vaccine passports so wouldn't go anywhere that needed them (just as I always said I'd never go on holiday to anywhere I needed to have a vaccination to go there). We both fully agree with LFT though.

@Kshhuxnxk

What is your understanding of the rate of false negatives for people (with and without symptoms) taking LFT?

The only reason I know certain people are anti-vaxxers is that they go on about it all the time.
One is a hairdresser, not my hairdresser fortunately, who spouts her views to her clients. Highly inappropriate.

Yes, I’d think she was a bit of a nob. 😂 Anyone talking about vaccinated people bring sheep etc, I’d avoid.

The only place I really ever talk about vaccines is on here, other than the occasional conversation IRL. And I only put things on here because it is a bit annoying to be called selfish and told unvaccinated people don’t care about anyone and most likely don’t wear masks and deny covid exists.

I suppose the real anti vax, anti mask, Covid deniers are more likely to shout about their views in real life so then people think that’s what unvaccinated people are like. People like me who aren’t vaccinated, but do as much other stuff as possible to minimise risk to ourselves and others, are just quietly living out lives and not even going to a shop most days to see anyone, never mind to have a conversation about vaccines.

An old friend begged her anti vax dh (late 40s) to be vaccinated. He refused and caught covid. He was intubated and in a coma. It was horrendous. He is now out of icu and recovering. I haven't asked her if he regrets not getting vaccinated but I felt so sad for her and their kids while he was so ill. They were not expecting him to recover. The anguish was simply terrible.
He is a very opinionated person and I wonder how they will deal with letting their older kids getting the vaccine.

No.
As long he’s willing to do the occasional pcr / lateral flow so I can go out with him and see my DM I wouldn’t be bothered.

@Natty13, that is a horrible thing to say. They loved eachother very much and ultimately he made his own choice.

I do know of at least one. They were both pretty anti-vax in the beginning but then one of them went off into deep Q-Anon territory (for which the vaccines were a springboard) and now they live in separate properties, hundreds of miles apart. I believe the non-Q partner is vaccinated now.

The vaccines just exposed a fault line. The rest was a major drift in values.

No, but I know many couples who would 100% have split had their partner turned out to be an anti-vaxxer, including both me and DP. It would be a deal-breaking incompatibility in terms of how we see the world - the importance we place on proper research, facts, evidence, social responsibility and not lapping up any old conspiracy theory shit on Facebook.

My opinion on this whole area has solidified over the pandemic. I used to dismiss an ex friend's 'quirks' around being anti vax and into David Icke, all of that. Because it was just abstract ideas back then, oh that's just X, they like to play with conspiracy ideas. Until a killer virus emerged and I suddenly realised they did not care about me and mine, about putting actual, physical harm in the way of anyone else (and I have lost two people to covid since then). So I dropped them like a hot coal and I would do exactly the same with anyone else, friend or partner, relative or colleague. I get every jab going because it protects me AND them, whatever they think about it, that's the cold, hard fact of it. I'm protecting their kids more than they bloody well are. Vaccine hesitant, okay, I understand the fears there, but get reading, ask medical people about it. Anti vaxxers on the other hand, can fuck off to the far side of fuck and then fuck off some more. They are dangerously stupid and want to recruit everyone into their little cult. It's all 'my body, my choice' (shamelessly stolen from the pro choice movement) until it's not, until suddenly they are outside schools telling your kids what to think. How is that only their freedom? It's not, it's a cult recruitment drive. Fuck them and the boat they came in on - and if that was my partner, yes they'd be out the door.

[quote TooBigForMyBoots]@Natty13, that is a horrible thing to say. They loved eachother very much and ultimately he made his own choice.[/quote]
Yup. I've lost count of the amount of deaths I've witnessed because of this in the last 18 months. We all know the risks of catching it, sorry for her she thought she knew better than scientists and doctors. I have no sympathy left for people who don't care enough about themselves or the ones they love to do what they can to avoid preventable deaths.

If she had drunk driven and killed him in a crash would you say "ot was his choice to get in the car" and expect people to be sympathetic too?

She didn't drive drunk @Natty13, she was afraid. She lost her husband, the children have lost their father and the whole family is devastated.
Her most of all. There is no need to wish hell upon her, shes already there.

I know. A man got vaccinated and got very agressive with his partner, to the point of physical confrontation, because she said no. Woman grabbed her cats, her clothes and ran off in the middle of the night.

I'd probably leave my (very much loved Dh) if he refused vaccinations

It's very likely you're going to need a Covid pass to access anything - cinema/restaurants/theatre/all travel

Who'd want to be married to someone who couldn't go out ?🤷‍♀️

I think I would be annoyed if there was an impact on my life because DH wouldn't get vaccinated and that stopped us going away, going to concerts etc. But that's really the fault of stupid governments, not someone who doesn't get vaccinated.

But ultimately, if these restrictions were to stay in force, and I would never be able to go on holiday except by myself because DH refused to get vaccinated, then yes, I probably would look for a new partner!

Some real mixed responses here which I thought there would be. It does seem that ‘conspiracy theory/tinfoil hat/Qanon’ type behaviour is an issue for most which is understandable, my partner isn’t quite like that but there is an undercurrent of ‘I know something you don’t’ about it. The one article he did show me I pointed out wasn’t from a peer reviewed publication but was self published by some sort of private immunology clinic. He did understand why this wasn’t good enough when I pointed it out though.

He didn’t try to stop me getting mine, although there was a bit of weirdness when he said I’d told him I wasn’t getting my booster and that I’d gaslighted him when I said I couldn’t remember saying that when he said I did

I wouldn’t lump him with the stereotypical covid deniers, antivaxxers - he will wear masks and has never been on a protest.

It seems like he has much stronger views on it all than I do, so I guess it’s me who will have to do the compromising. It doesn’t affect my life day to day - yet.