Paying per head for Xmas dinner at sil house

[Michellexxx]

We’re going for a ‘second Xmas’ at sisters house. They have requested that we each pay per head for the meal.. we have hosted about 3 Tim’s before and they have brought a course/bottle/maybe offered 20 quid one year. But if we don’t eat the cheese/drink the wine they brought, they took it home.
It’s been calculated that the family coming will basically pay for the food part and they’re gonna pay for extras..

It’s a relatively far drive and we’ve never charged like this- even when they stayed at ours and had all their meals here!

I have already suggested it’s a bit much for some family who are travelling. The hosts earn reasonably well, so I don’t understand this! We’re having to pay £45 to travel 2 hours and obv most people won’t be able to drink because they’re driving!

Am I over thinking this?

Depends how many people are going and what’s expected? If 20 people are going and expecting enourmous amounts of “the full works” the cost would be astronomical.

Just don't go if it bothers you.

No, you're not overthinking - its rude. I think you should point out to your sister that you haven't ever charged her and basically say what you've said on this thread. I would offer to bring a pudding or something, same as she has done at yours.

Ummm no if you cannot afford Christmas Dinner for all don't charge people for it

Batshit, I wouldn’t be arsed going personally.

It would be a “No thanks” from me.

If I’m spending £45 on food alone then I much prefer to choose my own and enjoy it in the comfort of my own home.

YADN overthinking this!

Bugger that for a game of soldiers. Cancel and do your own thing.

@Theunamedcat

Ummm no if you cannot afford Christmas Dinner for all don't charge people for it

This. I'd be declining.

I cannot comprehend what would compel someone to invite people to their house for a meal if they weren't prepared to pay to host.

Just dont go. Say you hadnt factored in all that cost as a guest if you want.

She’s totally up front about it - go or don’t go 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ask them why the rules are changing now that they are hosting.

It's a bit odd but not exactly a cardinal sin to try and split the food bill. If you don't want to go then just decline.

It’s rude. I just can’t imagine doing this. I certainly wouldn’t invite people over if I couldn’t afford to host properly.

If you’re broke either say ‘I’d love to see you all but I’m a bit short - shall we all bring a dish and a bottle and have a nice informal evening?’ or you don’t bother.

No one should host if they can't afford to and would be expecting the guests to paid! It's absolutely ridiculous and embarrassing on part of the host.
Posters saying it depends on if it's like 20 people, no it doesn't! Don't invite 20 people if you can't feed that many!

I'd say you'd rather go to a real restaurant if you're paying that much. What on Earth are they buying to justify that much??

Depends. We used to go back to my parents, as did my DB and DS. We'd chip in £50 a couple as it wasn't fair for my retired parents to bear all the costs especially as we're all in decent jobs. We also share out chores like washing up and veg prep etc. We'd all stay over Christmas day/night.

We didn't always pay or even help enough. My parents eventually asked and because we're all reasonable it wasn't an issue.

It's a bit stranger when it's not actually Christmas and there's no precedent for each of you paying. Maybe you could clarify if that's how it will work in the future if others host so at least you know it will not only be them on this one occasion who benefit.

I would not dream of doing this. I have hosted Christmas lunch for about 15 people before and we sorted it all out between us that someone brought something with them (nothing expensive).

I cant even imagine anyone I know asking for cash.

Think it's hugely rude tbh... Surely she could have asked u to bring a few bottles, r dessert etc. Wouldn't go tbf, also who brings drink and food to a dinner and brings it home....

@Woosers

Just don't go if it bothers you.

My thoughts too. Have a nice Christmas, whatever you decide.

@Thunderbolted your circumstances are different, they are your parents.

Charging for one lunch is mean.

We used to de camp to my parents for about 3 full days and I'd slip dad a couple of hundred quid as i know it cost them a fortune for all of us for all that time. I know my GPs did too.

They never asked for it though.

I think this is pretty awful behavior to be honest.
But the simple solution is not to go, spare yourself the drive and have a couple of glasses of wine at home.

If they can't afford it then I'd be happy to contribute but I'd rather bring the wine / certain courses / dishes than transferring cold hard cash

I'd not go. But I'm grumpy like that.