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Original poster

Paying per head for Xmas dinner at sil house

285 replies

Michellexxx · 13/12/2021 18:21

We’re going for a ‘second Xmas’ at sisters house. They have requested that we each pay per head for the meal.. we have hosted about 3 Tim’s before and they have brought a course/bottle/maybe offered 20 quid one year. But if we don’t eat the cheese/drink the wine they brought, they took it home.
It’s been calculated that the family coming will basically pay for the food part and they’re gonna pay for extras..

It’s a relatively far drive and we’ve never charged like this- even when they stayed at ours and had all their meals here!

I have already suggested it’s a bit much for some family who are travelling. The hosts earn reasonably well, so I don’t understand this! We’re having to pay £45 to travel 2 hours and obv most people won’t be able to drink because they’re driving!

Am I over thinking this?

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 13/12/2021 19:31

45 pounds? how much profit are they making on this dinner

i dont mind bringing a desert or a starter or even both but not cash

thefirstmrsrochester · 13/12/2021 19:32

Hosting Christmas dinner for large numbers is expensive but -

You don’t offer if you can’t afford to cater
Or
You ask everyone to bring a contribution such as dessert items, oatcakes and cheese/chutneys etc.

Bunnyfuller · 13/12/2021 19:36

Questions…so many questions…

How many of you get to go for £45? How did SIL take the items she bought? Did she just grab them or ask?

And for those who do charge I saw 1 was £22.50 - what’s the menu? How much booze? We definitely don’t eat £22.50 worth of food/drink each at any meal.

BitterTits · 13/12/2021 19:36

What's the contribution OP? 6 @ £7.50 or 3 @ £15? Or was the £45 referring to the travel cost?

Anyway, it's weird.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 13/12/2021 19:40

Unless the food is from Harrods she is trying to profit from her own family.
Spend 45 quid and stay home and eat your own shopping..

oakleaffy · 13/12/2021 19:41

@lastqueenofscotland

Depends how many people are going and what’s expected? If 20 people are going and expecting enourmous amounts of “the full works” the cost would be astronomical.
This. My parents - Well off at the time- asked Dh and I for a contribution, as DH are a lot!
codexa · 13/12/2021 19:42

Unbelievable. I don't care how many they are having over, if they can't afford it, don't do it. I think you are quite right to feel miffed, I would!

I would swerve this immediately and stay at home, sorry but being tight is one of the worst traits in a person.

I would hate to be travelling anywhere at Christmas but would make the effort for kindhearted and enjoyable hosts and a nice day. But for this..... nope not a chance.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 13/12/2021 19:45

The only way this might be approaching reasonable is if they had their arm twisted to host - persuaded to do it on the promise it wouldn't cost them anything.

Even then it's much more usual to ask everyone to bring a course or an item.

I once paid £10pp to cover costs for a family member who reluctantly agreed to do it - biggest, nicest house that we could all fit in but no cash as recently made redundant.

Eddielzzard · 13/12/2021 19:46

No this wouldn't work for me. Not when you add the drive and that you can't drink. I'd be happy to bring wine / cheese / dessert, but not to pay cash

fourminutestosavetheworld · 13/12/2021 19:47

Are you really each paying £45pp?

That's approaching pub prices for Xmas dinner around here. I wouldn't want to travel that far or pay that much money so wouldn't go.

Eddielzzard · 13/12/2021 19:48

Are they gourmet cooks? Exceptional hosts? Will you have a brilliant time?

Paddingtonthebear · 13/12/2021 19:49

If I was throwing a bbq/drinks and nibbles event at my house for friends then I would buy most of it as the host, but they would always bring some extras or their own booze.

I wouldn’t invite anyone round if I couldn’t afford to pay for it.

I wouldn’t invite people to my house for a formal meal and then ask them pay per head for a full 3 course meal. I’d just be too embarrassed. But I can’t think of anyone in my family that would do it either so perhaps that’s just how we’ve been brought up!

RedWingBoots · 13/12/2021 19:49

@repottingthescabious

I would say:

''No thank you, It's free at my house as well you know given all the times i've hosted you''.

But then i give as good as i get Xmas Smile

This

CF

Incidentally as a good guest you either ask if there is there anything you can bring - I've gone to loads of different shops in the past to find specific ingredients for a few people who have hosted me in the past - or you very quietly slip them some cash.

Original poster
Michellexxx · 13/12/2021 19:50

So in total, including the petrol, it will cost more- maybe about 65. This is for a couple (we are taking our kids but v young, so will take own food for them)
We have usually hosted as our house is biggest/most convenient but because of covid and not living in the same country until recently, we haven’t all managed to get together. So, because of that, I feel I have to go. And I do actually want to see everyone.

I just feel about annoyed about it because we’ve had the hosts staying with us at Christmas before, and provided all meals etc with no charge, obviously; we’re not a hotel. And it’s the price per head that gets to me..apparently they calculated that just for the basics, they’ll be about 150. Then they’ll buy some booze, but only 4 people (2 hosts) will actually be drinking. So she’s made sure that it’ll be about 50 that they’ll have to spend to host this Christmas dinner.

We’re having actual Christmas Day at our house with other side of family, and have ordered food, with suggestion of a pudding being brought, as per norm!

I just know we’ll probably host again next year, and I can’t bring myself to charge people, especially siblings I know don’t earn very much. And my in law is v well paid..

I think I might have to suck it up. And for those saying “you know you don’t have to go”..obviously I know that. But it’s Christmas, and covid etc..which are some of the reasons I would’ve thought it would be a pleasure to host!

OP posts:
Asi1 · 13/12/2021 19:51

@Michellexxx

We’re going for a ‘second Xmas’ at sisters house. They have requested that we each pay per head for the meal.. we have hosted about 3 Tim’s before and they have brought a course/bottle/maybe offered 20 quid one year. But if we don’t eat the cheese/drink the wine they brought, they took it home. It’s been calculated that the family coming will basically pay for the food part and they’re gonna pay for extras..

It’s a relatively far drive and we’ve never charged like this- even when they stayed at ours and had all their meals here!

I have already suggested it’s a bit much for some family who are travelling. The hosts earn reasonably well, so I don’t understand this! We’re having to pay £45 to travel 2 hours and obv most people won’t be able to drink because they’re driving!

Am I over thinking this?

It's rude, you don't invite people for a meal and then charge them.

Personally, l wouldn't go as l would find it awkward BUT if you do go make sure you eat and drink what you've paid for and take home whatever is your share.

Tillsforthrills · 13/12/2021 19:51

Can’t believe they’re doing that!

woodhill · 13/12/2021 19:52

I would tell her that I'm not happy being asked to pay cash especially when you have hosted them in the past

Paddingtonthebear · 13/12/2021 19:56

Are they well off? Could you contact privately and say maybe it’s not a good idea for them to host because you are worried that they are struggling financially 😆

traka · 13/12/2021 19:56

This is ridiculous. She shouldn't host if she can't afford it

If I was going to be charged I'd go out to a pub/restaurant for Christmas dinner and actually get some decent food

GinIronic · 13/12/2021 19:57

So, after all that you are going to go. Oh well. Enjoy.

suzy2b · 13/12/2021 19:58

In the past I've invited 18 people for Christmas dinner none related . would never even crossed my mine to ask people to pay

DBI78 · 13/12/2021 20:00

I think it's odd. If they can't afford it don't do it and if they can then it's really cheeky to ask for money. A dessert or wine is ok but money seems wrong. I wouldn't go on principle.

LobsterNapkin · 13/12/2021 20:01

This is rude. In some families paying for a big dinner like this can be a struggle, and if that's the issue there need to be ways to contribute, but this doesn't work. Especially if it means others will be stretched.

But charging per plate is rude.

Lockheart · 13/12/2021 20:03

@traka

This is ridiculous. She shouldn't host if she can't afford it

If I was going to be charged I'd go out to a pub/restaurant for Christmas dinner and actually get some decent food

And then people will probably complain that she never takes her turn hosting.

She's still going to be the one putting in the work. I don't see the big deal. If you don't want to go just decline the invitation.

Original poster
Michellexxx · 13/12/2021 20:03

They have done this before but didn’t ask for quite as much. It was a number of years ago. But the Turkey wasn’t cooked properly so everyone left after having a slice of beef and some veg..they apparently lived off Turkey curry etc for weeks 🙄
I just find it quite rude too!

OP posts:
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