Paying per head for Xmas dinner at sil house

[Michellexxx]

We’re going for a ‘second Xmas’ at sisters house. They have requested that we each pay per head for the meal.. we have hosted about 3 Tim’s before and they have brought a course/bottle/maybe offered 20 quid one year. But if we don’t eat the cheese/drink the wine they brought, they took it home.
It’s been calculated that the family coming will basically pay for the food part and they’re gonna pay for extras..

It’s a relatively far drive and we’ve never charged like this- even when they stayed at ours and had all their meals here!

I have already suggested it’s a bit much for some family who are travelling. The hosts earn reasonably well, so I don’t understand this! We’re having to pay £45 to travel 2 hours and obv most people won’t be able to drink because they’re driving!

Am I over thinking this?

@watchingrnfire I agree they're different, but we'd use the same principle if a sibling was hosting Christmas.

Where this differs is that this isn't really Christmas and it looks like a one off cash request, but given that OP has hosted 3x presumably she may again. In that case it may be a good precedent to set as long as its clearly the rule going forward.

That said, the amount asked for seems high.

Why would you even consider paying this and going?

The CFs have used your hospitality to the extent of taking home their contribution when you hosted.

Decline now before you get sucked in.

Paid less than that for a lovely Christmas meal in a restaurant. Surely they're making a profit?

They do sound overly canny.

I wouldn't go. If you can't afford to host a dinner don't bother.

£45 for how many of you? The idea of paying doesn’t bother me, probably actually prefer it over having to go and buy a course and worrying about getting the right thing/being generous without wasting money etc but not if it’s overboard.

I would say:

''No thank you, It's free at my house as well you know given all the times i've hosted you''.

But then i give as good as i get

I don't understand why people have started charging for Christmas. What next, charging for Sunday lunch?

I dislike all the if you can’t afford to host don’t do it type comments as in my family we have the biggest house so normally end up hosting but that’s not to say we can afford it, if we don’t do it then we all end up in a restaurant that costs more for everyone. However we’re up front when it comes to the arrangements and I let family decide how they want to do it

We used to split costs / bring courses at my in laws but they were very open about it and it was usual. Also we never hosted them. That's the thing that woukd bother me..

Especially as it is a second Xmas (so not Xmas day) I would say if I am paying I would prefer a restaurant at some equidistant location to make it fair to all.

Don't go what an absolute cheek - I'd be too embarrassed to ask someone and charge them. They're taking the absolute rip.

If she hosted every year then it's totally different although surely the right thing then would be just to split the food bill or everyone brings something, not charge a crazy price per head.

That sounds like a ridiculous amount, what the hell is she buying???

I cannot imagine charging my guests for their food. It's just rude. I'd say no thanks as well.

It's odd, no one charges in our family.

However if my sister was hosting and she was struggling financially, of course I wouldn't mind chipping in.

Depends if they are being tight or are in financial difficulties. Xmas is so expensive and lots of people have and a really rough couple of years with job insecurity and the cost of food etc.

I really don't agree with this, just tight.

Why not let you bring something to contribute

Just say "oh but the way we've always done it works so well, we'll bring the whatever it is that you do when you come to ours". If they're just being a bit dim it'll make them think about it but if they insist on cash I wouldn't bother.

Good bottle of bubbly, a dessert, cheese yes. Per head cover no way. It’s just bloody rude if they’re not in the bread line

We do something similar. 22 of us family all get together for a Xmas dinner and we split the cost between us. Saves us a fortune on going out & we all get exactly what we to eat, drink etc but have to cook and load the dishwasher!! We have a great time

We get starters, main, dessert & cheese plus drinks for about the same £22.50 per head

There was a thread exactly the same as this a week ago or so, was that you?

I'm taking getting on for £100 of booze for Christmas to my parents because we will drink it (my household is technically 6 adults, 4 drink quite a lot and one a bit thankfully they live elsewhere in term time!)

I expect to contribute though mum doesn't want me too hence the booze

Ridiculous. I wouldn’t be paying that. It’s not even actual Christmas Day dinner. Complete nonsense.

I''d give a one-word answer : NO.

@tallduckandhandsome

Why would you even consider paying this and going?

The CFs have used your hospitality to the extent of taking home their contribution when you hosted.

Decline now before you get sucked in.

This

@Snoozer11

I cannot comprehend what would compel someone to invite people to their house for a meal if they weren't prepared to pay to host.

This ^ times a million