Paying per head for Xmas dinner at sil house

[Michellexxx]

We’re going for a ‘second Xmas’ at sisters house. They have requested that we each pay per head for the meal.. we have hosted about 3 Tim’s before and they have brought a course/bottle/maybe offered 20 quid one year. But if we don’t eat the cheese/drink the wine they brought, they took it home.
It’s been calculated that the family coming will basically pay for the food part and they’re gonna pay for extras..

It’s a relatively far drive and we’ve never charged like this- even when they stayed at ours and had all their meals here!

I have already suggested it’s a bit much for some family who are travelling. The hosts earn reasonably well, so I don’t understand this! We’re having to pay £45 to travel 2 hours and obv most people won’t be able to drink because they’re driving!

Am I over thinking this?

Is £45 for two of you or each? Or a family of 4?

@Snoozer11

I cannot comprehend what would compel someone to invite people to their house for a meal if they weren't prepared to pay to host.

This ^ times a million

Hi SIL, shall I take our share off what you owe us for the past x years?

Very strange and couldn’t imagine asking people to pay if I offered to host. Quite rude, especially when you’ve hosted them on many occasions without expecting money in return. I’d definitely suggest going to a restaurant rather than paying that kind of money, or just not go and be able to enjoy some wine at home instead.

This would only be acceptable if it was agreed between everyone as the normal thing and happened every time, regardless of who is hosting. As that’s not the case, tell her thanks but no thanks.

Hi SIL, shall I take our share off what you owe us for the past x years?

Only in this country would people expect their guests to pay! If they can't afford it, they shouldn't be hosting. Of course take some wine or a pudding but not pay for your lunch!

This would be an easy 'no thank you' or 'sorry we can't make it after all' from me.

Driving that far is a big ask anyway, I'm certainly not feeling obliged to drive hours to pay over the odds for a Christmas dinner with people I perhaps wouldn't be super-excited to spend time with otherwise.

Fair enough offer to pay something, provide a course and what you personally fancy drinking, but part of your contribution towards the get together is petrol.

As someone else said, ask why have the rules changed because they are hosting?

My cousins family pay her to host, she hosts every year and everyone gives her x amount to buy all the food and drink. They arnt a well off, mostly minimum wage jobs, some on benefits. She’s been holding a family Christmas with her siblings since their children were babies. They have their own children now and costs have grown so they all contribute. It works well for them as a lot of them are carers who may have to work Christmas Day so even if someone is working their children stay at my cousins, everyone pitches in and no one misses out.

Never in a million years would it occur to me to charge family to have a meal at my house, even for a special occasion. If she can't afford to cover all costs, she shouldn't host. I don't know why people do this it is so, so cringy. Asking people to bring a bottle is fine but food should be entirely the hosts responsibility.

@watchingrnfire

No one should host if they can't afford to and would be expecting the guests to paid! It's absolutely ridiculous and embarrassing on part of the host. Posters saying it depends on if it's like 20 people, no it doesn't! Don't invite 20 people if you can't feed that many!

Some families would rather pay and get together than never all get together because no one part of the family can afford to host the rest. And I think that's fine.

Wow! I would never ask for cash and would be so shocked if someone asked me to pay.
Usually the host tells us what they are making and then asks the others to bring x y z (usually side dish, desert and drinks!)

Is the £45 in total or each?

You are aware you don't have to go don't you?

@Aderyn21

No, you're not overthinking - its rude. I think you should point out to your sister that you haven't ever charged her and basically say what you've said on this thread. I would offer to bring a pudding or something, same as she has done at yours.

This.

In your circumstances, it is rude.

It would be fine if everyone always went to one home (say the most convenient or the biggest space) and people decided it would be great if you could always use that house BUT it isn't fair if the one family always have all the cost. However that isn't the case - they have come to you and you bore the cost, so when you go to them, they should (unless one family is particularly loaded and offers to slip them the money to cover all the booze or the turkey or whatever the most expensive part is.)

Charging guests for the food you serve them in your home is tasteless and so horribly mercenary. No way would I go.

no. that's not fair. If you all take turns of hosting then you just suck up the cost the year its your turn
Different if one person always gets lumbered with hosting because they have the room etc. then I think its reasonable to expect people to chip in with either a cash or food contribution.
hosting a Christmas dinner can run into hundreds by the time you add alcohol/nibbles/treats etc

@Jijithecat

I don't understand why people have started charging for Christmas. What next, charging for Sunday lunch?

If you want to cause a scene 100% do this!

@repottingthescabious

I would say:

''No thank you, It's free at my house as well you know given all the times i've hosted you''.

But then i give as good as i get

This was the one I meant to quote! I like it!

Don't go or suggest you'll bring a course like they did when you hosted...

My friend did this once. We had a friend that hosted a particular dinner every year and we'd bring wine/desserts. One year this other friend volunteered herself to host as she had family staying and wanted them involved, then the week of sent a message asking everyone for a tenner. I completely ignored it.

@Theunamedcat

Ummm no if you cannot afford Christmas Dinner for all don't charge people for it

This. Live within your means and do what you can within your budget. I personally think it's tacky to charge you when they have had so many free meals in the past

@Kbyodjs

I dislike all the if you can’t afford to host don’t do it type comments as in my family we have the biggest house so normally end up hosting but that’s not to say we can afford it, if we don’t do it then we all end up in a restaurant that costs more for everyone. However we’re up front when it comes to the arrangements and I let family decide how they want to do it

That's fine if you all plan to do a dinner and then you volunteer your home. Don't know if that's the case with OP. But if you say to everyone 'hi, I'm inviting you all to a dinner at mine!' And then want to charge, YABU.

I just could not imagine inviting people to my home then asking them to pay for it.
I'd stay home and spend the money on takeaway