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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inviting partner to a 'friends night out'

192 replies

Mhc19 · 12/12/2021 12:58

Hello,

Just looking for some insight.

I've moved away and live with my partner. With their job we get every other Christmas time off together.

This year they are off.

We're visiting my family in the days after Christmas and on one of those nights I'm meeting up with my friends. It's friends only, no partners. We don't really do things with partners. AIBU to expect my friends to include my partner in these plans since he's in my home town. If they weren't with my friends, they'd be with my family. They do know people in my home town (people that aren't my friends), but they're not close.

For reference, there's been other times my partner has come with us to friend things. They've just shown up, I've not asked my friends if its okay. This time I have told my friends he's coming. No one has said no but I can feel the resistance.

OP posts:
ExplodingCarrots · 12/12/2021 12:59

I wouldn't be happy if I was your friend OP. I'm sure he'll be fine away from you for a couple of hours surely ?
It totally changes the dynamic of a friends night out.

NowEvenBetter · 12/12/2021 12:59

You think you’re entitled to change the whole dynamics of the day and bring your boy/girlfriend along when it’s specifically a friends only event? Rude.

KittytheHare · 12/12/2021 13:00

I'd be really cross if my friend's partner showed up on a night out like this. It changes the whole dynamic. Yabu

ProudThrilledHappy · 12/12/2021 13:01

If partners aren’t usually invited then you are changing the dynamic surely your partner can survive a few hours at home without you?

Youdoyoutoday · 12/12/2021 13:01

Well it would be odd to leave your dp at home with your folks whilst you swan off out with friends. I think you friends should realise this and such it up this 1 time.

TeeBee · 12/12/2021 13:02

No, it's lame to bring your partner along if it's a friend night out.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/12/2021 13:02

Unreasonable, changes the whole dynamic for your friends. Go alone or don’t go.

NowEvenBetter · 12/12/2021 13:02

Your boyfriend has just ‘shown up’ before, and now you have ‘told them that he will be coming’?! You are so rude, can’t believe these people haven’t excluded you and your boyfriend by now!

Aquamarine1029 · 12/12/2021 13:02

This time I have told my friends he's coming. No one has said no but I can feel the resistance.

Of course you feel resistance, they don't want him there. It's so rude of you to bring him along. Either he stays behind or you don't go at all.

gogohm · 12/12/2021 13:03

I'm guessing you are travelling back to see family and friends in which case I'm kind of on the fence - I wouldn't leave my dp behind if we had travelled to another city. If it was for a specific event that was friends only he would stay at home but this isn't the case here

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 12/12/2021 13:03

For reference, there's been other times my partner has come with us to friend things. They've just shown up, I've not asked my friends if its okay. This time I have told my friends he's coming. No one has said no but I can feel the resistance.

You sound so annoying.

Your friends should go out without you.

Prinnny · 12/12/2021 13:03

It's friends only, no partners. We don't really do things with partners

You know yourself YABU. It’s a friends night out, not all the group plus your new fella.

This time I have told my friends he's coming. No one has said no but I can feel the resistance

So you didn’t even ask if he join? You just announced that he is? That is so rude, no wonder they’re pissed off with you.

Shesellsseashellsontheseashore · 12/12/2021 13:03

I'm surprised you are still invited to this friend night out based on your previous track record of him just showing up.

It's not for partners so why do you think it's OK for him to come too?

lastqueenofscotland · 12/12/2021 13:03

YABU.
I want to catch up with friends, not peoples dull boyfriends.

Aprilx · 12/12/2021 13:04

I would not be impressed if I travelled away from home with my husband and then he left me with his relatives or alone in a hotel whilst he went out with his friends.

That is totally different to bringing your partner on an average “friends night out” as per your thread title.

alienbaby · 12/12/2021 13:04

Lame.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 12/12/2021 13:04

Surely he is a big enough boy to spend time with your family without you holding his hand op?

7eleven · 12/12/2021 13:06

Under no circumstances take your partner. Don’t become ‘that’ person who everybody thinks is a needy twit.

SheWoreYellow · 12/12/2021 13:06

I wouldn’t want to be dumped with the in laws for the evening. I can see that a partner changes the dynamic though.

Monr0e · 12/12/2021 13:09

If this isn't a reverse then you are being very unreasonable

You don't usually do things with partners except you have decided differently, bring yours along unannounced and uninvited and this time you have told them (not asked Hmm ) despite knowing they probably don't want him there

In this occasion you should have declined the invite and explained your partner was with you and waited to see if the invitation was extended to them also

poopfgdj · 12/12/2021 13:12

I have been on the other side of this and honestly it's so rude and changes the whole dynamic. It comes across as controlling and means that we couldn't discuss things we usually would because friends Dp was there. It also meant we had to make a conscious effort not to include him in conversations as often he wouldn't know who/what we were talking about. Friend lives a few hours away so we don't catch up in person often. Made the evening a drag and has caused a rift as friend and him seem to now come as a pair.

poopfgdj · 12/12/2021 13:14

Why does your partner have to be 'dumped' at in laws? Can't he go somewhere himself for the evening? Why do you have to be so dependent on each other?

shouldistop · 12/12/2021 13:15

Is this a reverse? Of course yabu

TigerGolf · 12/12/2021 13:17

Surely this is a reverse?

BlusteringBoobies · 12/12/2021 13:18

I'm also calling reverse. You've had him 'just show up' before and not told them so you have form

Plenty of things he could occupy himself with on his own

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