Inviting partner to a 'friends night out'

[Mhc19]

Hello,

Just looking for some insight.

I've moved away and live with my partner. With their job we get every other Christmas time off together.

This year they are off.

We're visiting my family in the days after Christmas and on one of those nights I'm meeting up with my friends. It's friends only, no partners. We don't really do things with partners. AIBU to expect my friends to include my partner in these plans since he's in my home town. If they weren't with my friends, they'd be with my family. They do know people in my home town (people that aren't my friends), but they're not close.

For reference, there's been other times my partner has come with us to friend things. They've just shown up, I've not asked my friends if its okay. This time I have told my friends he's coming. No one has said no but I can feel the resistance.

Any thoughts on the replies so far, OP?

Yabvu.

Can he not go to the cinema by himself for a couple of hours, or a pub, or even say he’s hot a bit of a headache and have an early night? Or even sit in the sitting room with your parents and watch telly/play a board game/ make conversation/ pick his nose , grunt and glower? It all sounds very pathetic.

I don't really get the outrage of bringing a partner, or different friend to a group meet up? I get when a couple are so clingy they can't cope with not being next to each other every second, but why is it weird to bring people along to a social occasion. What happened to the more the merrier?

@MolkosTeenageAngst

If I were your friends I’d cancel the night out and rearrange it without you. Your partner is a grown man he should be able to entertain himself for an evening without you.

He’s not entertaining himself for an evening though If he doesn’t go. He’s staying with her parents which is quite different.

Because it’s a social occasion for friends, not partners. It’s really very simple.

What's wrong with him?

Why can't he:
hang with your parents
read a book
watch/read something on his laptop or phone
have a nice long bath and early night
go to the cinema
about a billion other things adults do to occupy themselves?

If I were your friend, bearing in mind you say he often crashes nights out with your mates, I would wonder if you were in a controlling relationship and be quite worried about you.

He’s not entertaining himself for an evening though If he doesn’t go. He’s staying with her parents which is quite different.

That would be his choice. He COULD entertain himself any number of ways if he didn't want to stay in the house

Why can't he just stay in and watch a film in bed or something?

He’s not entertaining himself for an evening though If he doesn’t go. He’s staying with her parents which is quite different.

No it's not. He can still read a book or find something else to entertain himself.

Oh god, you’re THAT person and worse, you know it! So you came to strangers on the internet for validation. How’s that working out for you?
You acknowledge that it’s no partners and that in the past you haven’t even asked, he’s just shown up? And you’re wondering why there’s resistance now? Hilarious!

If the others don't normally bring their partners, why on earth would you bring yours? The fact that your partner happens to be in your home town at the relevant time is irrelevant, I suspect their partners will also be in your home town some or all of the tim.

@Aprilx

I would not be impressed if I travelled away from home with my husband and then he left me with his relatives or alone in a hotel whilst he went out with his friends.

That is totally different to bringing your partner on an average “friends night out” as per your thread title.

He can watch TV in his bedroom if he doesn't want to sit with OP family for the evening

@NigellaSeed

I don't really get the outrage of bringing a partner, or different friend to a group meet up? I get when a couple are so clingy they can't cope with not being next to each other every second, but why is it weird to bring people along to a social occasion. What happened to the more the merrier?

Because the others don't bring their partners - if they wanted it "the more the merrier" no doubt they would arrange it that way, but they haven't. And because having just one person's partner there will change the dynamic and make it a much less relaxed evening.

@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule

Because it’s a social occasion for friends, not partners. It’s really very simple.

Okay. I've just never not been welcome with my partner's friends, especially when we travelled to get there. We are all adults who know how to talk and have a laugh. I think friends only and, "ruining the night" and "cancel and rearrange without you" stuff sounds very teenage.

It depends on how well they know him and what you’ve got planned (I’m making a hetero normative leap I know but the they is too confusing).

If he knows one or two from years ago and you’re out for drinks and dinner and he joined you for a pre drink before taking himself off to the cinema then YANBU. If the friends don’t know him at all beyond his attachment to you and he’ll be there the whole time then YABU. At least have the courtesy to leave early if you insist on this

You are being rude and annoying.

It would piss me off so much if one of my friends did this.

Makes no difference to me what you think it sounds like - I’m not in any ‘friends only’ meet-ups.

However I know many close friends do have catch-ups where they prefer to meet without partners. A partner coming along changes the dynamic completely. It’s incredibly rude to just impose a change to that without even asking if they’re okay with it.

I've put YABU but this is definitely a reverse.

in our group of about 5/6/7single ladies years ago there was one girl who regularly didnt turn up to Tuesday get togethers, when asked, said “ I have a young man now” then started turning up with him.what a drip he was. The group soon disbanded. What sort of he man would be happy to be a lemon anyway? amongst young women who want to speak of womens things. True the dynamic is altered and forceful belligerent attendance will exclude you in future guaranteed. Tbh your arrogance is
baffling.

You have posted that you have an 18 month old child, so would your partner not stay at home with your child if you went out?

Unless this is a reverse.

Those saying the OP’s partner is pathetic for not wanting to sit in with the ILs for an evening, doesn’t the logic then apply to the friends? If it’s not big deal to just chat to someone for an evening, why can’t the OP’s partner be accommodated?

It’s pathetic that you can’t go out for a few hours without your boyfriend and really rude of you to let him tag along. Doesn’t he feel embarrassed going somewhere where he clearly isn’t wanted? If you can’t put your friends before your fella for once then stay home.

@NigellaSeed So you've never had a girls' night out then? You don't go out with your girlfriends for cocktails or wine and have deep and meaningful women's conversations? Men don't belong on girls' nights out, and vice versa.

@SheWoreYellow

Those saying the OP’s partner is pathetic for not wanting to sit in with the ILs for an evening, doesn’t the logic then apply to the friends? If it’s not big deal to just chat to someone for an evening, why can’t the OP’s partner be accommodated?

Because the friends are presumably going out to have a fun Christmas night out, not to entertain some tag-along boyfriend who is too scared to stay at home with the in laws, or find something else to occupy himself with.