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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inviting partner to a 'friends night out'

192 replies

Mhc19 · 12/12/2021 12:58

Hello,

Just looking for some insight.

I've moved away and live with my partner. With their job we get every other Christmas time off together.

This year they are off.

We're visiting my family in the days after Christmas and on one of those nights I'm meeting up with my friends. It's friends only, no partners. We don't really do things with partners. AIBU to expect my friends to include my partner in these plans since he's in my home town. If they weren't with my friends, they'd be with my family. They do know people in my home town (people that aren't my friends), but they're not close.

For reference, there's been other times my partner has come with us to friend things. They've just shown up, I've not asked my friends if its okay. This time I have told my friends he's coming. No one has said no but I can feel the resistance.

OP posts:
DukkaTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 12/12/2021 13:19

Why would your partner ‘show up’ at things they aren’t invited to? You’re going to find you aren’t invited to stuff sooner or later.

TriciaMcMillan · 12/12/2021 13:19

I call reverse and the theying is irritating unless your partner actually goes by they.

MLMshouldbeillegal · 12/12/2021 13:19

It's friends only, no partners.

But you want to invite your partner.

Can't have it both ways, can you? Because it's not "no partners" if you are bringing yours, is it? I'm not surprising you're feeling resistance as nobody wants to be out with a friend who is so joined at the hip to her partner that she can't enjoy an evening out without him.

Doodar · 12/12/2021 13:20

you're entitled and rude, wouldn't invite you again TBH.

MLMshouldbeillegal · 12/12/2021 13:21

And if this is a reverse - and I suspect it might be after re-reading the first post - you are an utter twat OP.

CallOfDemons · 12/12/2021 13:22

It defeats the purpose of ‘friends only’ night out.. surely your partner can be left alone for how many hours?

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 12/12/2021 13:22

Reverses annoy me almost as much as saddos demanding that their boring boyfriend come on a friends' night out.

BluebellsGreenbells · 12/12/2021 13:24

Look at it another way, your friends want to see you and catch up - your boyfriend has you all to himself the rest of the time.

Why would you do this to your friends?

Hankunamatata · 12/12/2021 13:25

Reverse? No one can be that ignorant of friends feelings.

MrsFezziwig · 12/12/2021 13:25

The “resistance” you are sensing has probably been building since you first started allowing him to show up unannounced. What would you have thought if your friends had brought along their partner, or their friend, or some random relative without asking? It’s absolutely not ok and I’m surprised your friends haven’t said anything to you previously.

DedalusBloom · 12/12/2021 13:26

@Monr0e

If this isn't a reverse then you are being very unreasonable

You don't usually do things with partners except you have decided differently, bring yours along unannounced and uninvited and this time you have told them (not asked Hmm ) despite knowing they probably don't want him there

In this occasion you should have declined the invite and explained your partner was with you and waited to see if the invitation was extended to them also

This is the only polite way of approaching it in my opinion. People who impose their partners on friend group's nights out are the worst.
HangingDitch · 12/12/2021 13:26

I have to be honest, I wouldn’t be happy with you bringing your partner to an exclusively friends night out. If you’re feeling resistance, even if you think it’s unreasonable, I’d take that as an indication you should go alone. I’m sure he can occupy himself for one evening.

WorraLiberty · 12/12/2021 13:26

This one has 'reverse' written all over it in a great big fat red marker pen...

GiantHaystacks2021 · 12/12/2021 13:27

Yep, very lame indeed.

MissAmbrosia · 12/12/2021 13:27

No, of course you don't take him! Can't he go the cinema or something if he doesn't want to stay with your family. I'd be furious if my friends did this.

slashlover · 12/12/2021 13:28

It's friends only, no partners.

That's your answer.

PuppyMonkey · 12/12/2021 13:28

I’m interested in what “I can feel the resistance” actually means.Grin

Justsotirednow · 12/12/2021 13:31

Don’t be one of those boring women who can’t be without their man.

Boood · 12/12/2021 13:32

you should have declined the invite and explained your partner was with you and waited to see if the invitation was extended to them also

I agree, but I also think if your friends hadn’t decided that all partners would be welcome, you’d be entitled to be pissed off. Especially if they all still live in your home time and can meet up without partners whenever they want.

FlamesEmbersAshes · 12/12/2021 13:32

Of course YABU. It changes the whole dynamic. Come on, don’t be a dick. Either go alone or don’t go.

Nearlytheretrees · 12/12/2021 13:32

If this isn't a reverse I'm amazed you've even been invited if your partner has just turned up to other just friend things

Boohoowhoareyou · 12/12/2021 13:32

I'm always amazed at the language and tone some posters use. It's so unnecessarily rude and aggressive. Give your opinion, that's what the OP is asking for, but perhaps do so with a bit more care and consideration.

OP, I appreciate it's a difficult choice given your partner is coming to your home town and you might feel uncomfortable leaving them. The alternative may make your friends uncomfortable. Not an easy choice! If you don't see your friends often, and partners aren't usually invited, then perhaps ask your partner if they'd be happy to stay in that night with a film and just chill out while you get to spend time with your friends.

HangingDitch · 12/12/2021 13:32

@PuppyMonkey

I’m interested in what “I can feel the resistance” actually means.Grin
Maybe she’s a Jedi and can feel it in the same way that Darth Vader feels the presence of Obi Wan.
JorisBonson · 12/12/2021 13:33

It's friends only, no partners.

So why are you asking?

Meandmini3 · 12/12/2021 13:33

YANI for using ‘they’