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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inviting partner to a 'friends night out'

192 replies

Mhc19 · 12/12/2021 12:58

Hello,

Just looking for some insight.

I've moved away and live with my partner. With their job we get every other Christmas time off together.

This year they are off.

We're visiting my family in the days after Christmas and on one of those nights I'm meeting up with my friends. It's friends only, no partners. We don't really do things with partners. AIBU to expect my friends to include my partner in these plans since he's in my home town. If they weren't with my friends, they'd be with my family. They do know people in my home town (people that aren't my friends), but they're not close.

For reference, there's been other times my partner has come with us to friend things. They've just shown up, I've not asked my friends if its okay. This time I have told my friends he's coming. No one has said no but I can feel the resistance.

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 12/12/2021 16:58

Have you read your own post op. You typed out the answer for yourself ‘it is friends only it is no partners.’ Read that. There’s your answer.

Cattenberg · 12/12/2021 17:11

I used to meet up with a group of old school friends every Christmas Eve. One friend started bringing her partner with her every year. If we started reminiscing or talking about what our peers were up to, he’d look bored, so I felt pressure to keep those conversations short. I’ve no idea why my friend insisted on bringing him. I don’t think he really wanted to be there.

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 12/12/2021 17:16

Don't be that person op

DixieSun · 12/12/2021 19:08

Why does he want to go somewhere he's not invited to?

ForbiddentoForbid · 12/12/2021 19:16

I hate when an op posts once and then doesn't come back.

thecatsthecats · 12/12/2021 19:20

Hmm. Slightly different perspective to other people, in that I think it's somewhat childish and inflexible for a friend group not to seem to ever adapt as life changes.

I can't imagine my home friend group being so unwelcoming - but then we were a mixed sex friend group, and we all enjoyed meeting each other's partners. Solo girls' catch ups were arranged separately to occasions when we were all home, not when people were travelling home with partners.

But YABU to simply announce that he'd be coming.

Scandisaurus · 12/12/2021 19:44

@ForbiddentoForbid

I hate when an op posts once and then doesn't come back.
OP might be the Daily Fail! 🙃
pigsDOfly · 12/12/2021 20:05

@ForbiddentoForbid

I hate when an op posts once and then doesn't come back.
Could be OP feels uncomfortable coming back because it was so obviously a reverse and reverse threads are frowned on on mn.

Or it could be a load of made up rubbish.

ImInStealthMode · 12/12/2021 20:12

I wouldn't leave my DP with my family while I went out with friends, nor would I be best pleased if he did the same to me. That said, our friends wouldn't expect a partner who was a visitor to the area to be left out of a social gathering.

I'd skip the night out if he wouldn't be welcome and catch up with them another time.

Newmumatlast · 12/12/2021 21:42

Yabvu and odd. Especially having done this before and not only that, not having asked which is just really impolite. Your friends probably think you're in eachother's pockets. I wouldnt dream of crashing my partner's night out with friends even if I didnt have anyone else I could spend the time with. I'm an adult. I'd get a takeaway and have a film night on my own. Maybe do a face mask. I'd survive it

Newmumatlast · 12/12/2021 21:43

@ImInStealthMode

I wouldn't leave my DP with my family while I went out with friends, nor would I be best pleased if he did the same to me. That said, our friends wouldn't expect a partner who was a visitor to the area to be left out of a social gathering.

I'd skip the night out if he wouldn't be welcome and catch up with them another time.

I guess it depends on your family. Mine love my partner to pieces and they get on very well. They have no issue spending time together without me.
Newmumatlast · 12/12/2021 21:46

@Turkishangora

YABU. It's incredibly irritating. Can't stand it when I make an arrangement with a friend and their partner just randomly turns up. I've had to let a couple of friendships drift because of this. Works Xmas do Friday, colleagues husband appeared. Totally changed the dynamic, was very awkward and he just sat there in silence, only seemed to want to talk to her and was clearly very needy of her time and attention and she seemed to spend a lot of the evening appeasing him. It's a massive no.
Know exactly what you mean. A friend of mine was once trying to organise a girls get together and one of the girls invited wanted to bring her whole family I.e. husband and kids and therefore vary the plan (spa and then meal with drinks for the girls) to something family friendly. Extremely odd. Everyone else was able to leave their families for one evening. One evening out of an entire year. It's really unhealthy to be unable to spend time apart
fargo123 · 12/12/2021 22:27

Assuming it's not a reverse, then it's always fascinating reading things from the CF POV.

Duckrace · 12/12/2021 22:31

YABU. If you can't go, don't, but fgs don't take him to a girls night out.

SirensofTitan · 13/12/2021 08:40

@collybubble

If i were your partner and went home with you for a couple of days at xmas, id not be happy being left home with your parents whilst you bugger off out on the town.
Eh? Do you know the OP's parents? Maybe you find them awful but the partner might get on with them fine.
liveforsummer · 13/12/2021 09:00

If it was a reverse then OP would engage a bit more surely. Normally posters read and run if they don't like the answer

HeronLanyon · 13/12/2021 09:05

If I were your partner I’d understand completely that I wasn’t invited to this. I’d offer to drop you and pick you up (if I have a car available). If for some reason I wasn’t able to spend a few hours with your family then I’d have shorter time with them/say I had a bit of work I needed to do if they didn’t mind/leave early to pick you up/say I had some Christmas calls to make/sit for a bit in the car before you arrived for lift home etc - whatever mix seems easiest least ‘rude’ or ‘odd’.

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