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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting to tell 44 weeks and breech friend she's risking her baby?

738 replies

scottishlass43 · 12/12/2021 11:16

My friend is 44 weeks pregnant with a footling breech. She's determined to have a natural birth at home with another friend of ours who's a midwife. She's been declining all intervention till now and has no cut off point - she wants to let the baby come naturally and doesn't want scans or any monitoring. She refuses to consider a c-section.

She's older (late thirties) and has been waiting for several years for this baby. I have no idea why she'd risk it now.

AIBU wanting to tell her what I think? Am I (and other worried friends) overreacting? Does anyone know of anyone who's done this, and how it went?

OP posts:
LittleDandelionClock · 12/12/2021 11:18

44 weeks pregnant?! Shock Is she an elephant?

Seriously though, this does not sound great. She needs medical intervention. NOW!

ArachnidArachnid · 12/12/2021 11:18

How sure are you of her dates?
I’m astonished at the midwife friend, isn’t she risking her registration?

vodkaredbullgirl · 12/12/2021 11:19
Shock
Theunamedcat · 12/12/2021 11:20

That's a tremendous risk she is taking

Original poster
scottishlass43 · 12/12/2021 11:20

@ArachnidArachnid totally sure unfortunately. It's why I posted, it's just so unheard of! I'm losing all faith the baby will come naturally

OP posts:
Maxiedog123 · 12/12/2021 11:21

If something goes wrong I suspect the midwife friend will lose her registration

Deanefan · 12/12/2021 11:21

I think all you can say is how you would feel and what you might choose if you were to find yourself in the same circumstances. I would avoid any attempt to describe the very real dangers as she must be aware of them. I fear things may not go well for her and wonder why the other friend is willing to risk her registration with NMC - can’t believe attending such a high risk home birth alone would be well regarded

Snaketime · 12/12/2021 11:21

My brother was breach and born naturally and has cerebral palsy as a result of it, he did have the cord wrapped around his neck aswell though, but still is she having any movements? It really sounds like she needs medical intervention now.

Spitspotsput · 12/12/2021 11:22

You can make gentle suggestions but in the end, it just isn’t up to you

stalkersaga · 12/12/2021 11:22

What makes you think you'll convince her when medical professionals haven't?

She's an idiot, but all you can do is hope the baby doesn't pay the price for it.

ShirleyPhallus · 12/12/2021 11:22

Gosh what an awful situation

Scrunchies · 12/12/2021 11:22

Holy shit. That’s terrifying. Is she mentally well? I meant that genuinely, I just can’t fathom how anyone would think that’s a good idea.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 12/12/2021 11:22

Omg
I don’t think you can say anything except gently suggest baby might not come naturally in a jokey way and that she might want to have a word with her midwife
Has she had bad experiences before hence the denial of medical help?
What does her partner say?

Maxiedog123 · 12/12/2021 11:22

The poor baby

shouldistop · 12/12/2021 11:22

I'd say something. Usually I'm more for minding your own business but this is very risky.

Twillow · 12/12/2021 11:23

Maybe show her this
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/292523-has-anyone-gone-past-44-weeks

TheDuchessOfMN · 12/12/2021 11:23

44 weeks? That’s unheard of.
Is she being monitored daily?

LetsHearIt · 12/12/2021 11:23

Is the midwife friend still a practicing midwife? Is she thinking this is a good idea?
Sounds like a terrifying situation.

Sunshinegirl82 · 12/12/2021 11:24

Unfortunately Mother Nature doesn't give a shit about individual women and babies. Evolution is about the survival of the species not the individual. That's why this whole "it's natural" thing is flawed as an absolute.

I would be saying something because I couldn't not, even if it makes no difference I'd know I tried.

ISeeTheLight · 12/12/2021 11:24

I would definitely say something. I'd also be tempted to report her midwife friend. That is just utter stupidity in this day and age.

Wowcherarestalkingme · 12/12/2021 11:24

44 weeks?! My goodness how big will baby be? Surely the chance of a natural birth is near on impossible now?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 12/12/2021 11:24

I didn't think the Hospital let you go that far over your due date. Confused

TreborBore · 12/12/2021 11:24

I would say something but be gentle approach it carefully. You don’t want to make her more entrenched. Can you talk to the midwife friend? And is she definitely qualified?

YetAnotherManicMonday1234 · 12/12/2021 11:25

I’d say something. I’d rather loose the friendship than risk her loosing the baby.

mistermagpie · 12/12/2021 11:25

She must have had scans up to this point, in order to know the dates so definitely? Unless she is completely sure of when she conceived. Why is she refusing scans now? Is she feeling regular movement and everything? Does she have a partner? What do they think?

What she is proposing is to risk the life of both her and her baby, it's baffling. I would tell her how you feel, but from the point of view of how worried you are. I expect she already knows that what she is doing is unusual though, so I'm not sure you'll make much difference.