Wanting to tell 44 weeks and breech friend she's risking her baby?

[scottishlass43]

My friend is 44 weeks pregnant with a footling breech. She's determined to have a natural birth at home with another friend of ours who's a midwife. She's been declining all intervention till now and has no cut off point - she wants to let the baby come naturally and doesn't want scans or any monitoring. She refuses to consider a c-section.

She's older (late thirties) and has been waiting for several years for this baby. I have no idea why she'd risk it now.

AIBU wanting to tell her what I think? Am I (and other worried friends) overreacting? Does anyone know of anyone who's done this, and how it went?

44 weeks??? And breech???

The risks on this are too huge. I'd absolutely risk losing the friendship because it would be far worse to lose the other thing.

Is this midwife a registered professional?

I'm not sure she is really 44 weeks but agree she's high risk. Why are so many women terrified of our maternity services, it's a huge problem but not one likely to be addressed in the current climate.
Has the current pandemic issues not concerned her, delivery of a safe baby and keeping covid free has to be her priority.

I wonder how she ll feel about looking after a disabled child for the rest of her life.

Well they can't force her to get an induction if she refuses

No responsible hospital would offer that, as vaginal birth is contraindicated for footling breech

This is evolution in action. Heartbreaking for the child of course.

Why the fuck would you even want to be pregnant for that long?

Uncomfortable, swollen, achey, hormonal, partially immobile… etc.

It sounds like she just wants to be pregnant.. not actually have a baby.

@DrSbaitso

44 weeks??? And breech???

The risks on this are too huge. I'd absolutely risk losing the friendship because it would be far worse to lose the other thing.

Is this midwife a registered professional?

I too would walk away from the friendship.

@Theunamedcat

That's a tremendous risk she is taking

A HUGE risk!

Babies which are left too long in utero begin to deteriorate -I can't remember how, but I've definitely read about there being massive risks associated with overdue pregnancies.

She's being very, very foolish.

@shouldistop I agree completely!

She says she's read an article online that shows the placenta doesn't degrade and can keep going indefinitely and has done research into it.

@Branleuse not scanned since the 20 week scan I think

I'm at a loss about how the midwives are still supporting it. She told me was planning to freebirth if they wouldn't support her though, and told them as much. So I guess they're just trying to prevent that.

@Cakeandcardio

I think it's common in hypnobirthing books to say to avoid medical intervention and wait until baby comes naturally. It was in the one I read. And while hypnobirthing worked great for me, it would still have been silly to take advice from a non medical professional. I hope for the best outcome for your friend. And yes, I would say something!

I actually took a course to become a hypnobirth instructor many moons ago. It was full of very useful things. It was also full of utter nonsense that had me seriously eye rolling.

Christ alive. I'm declining induction until 42 weeks and am hoping for a home birth but this is baby number 3, baby is in position and I'm 30.

This makes me sad as I can't see it ending well.

Yikes

@user1477391263

Is this for real? I mean, it does sound like something made up. Every single high-risk box ticked. If this is real, yes, I would talk to her about this and risk losing the friendship.

I agree.

I can't believe that the doctors / hospital involved are letting this happen?! Surely if she's willing to put her baby in danger Pre-birth, then she's highly unlikely to be a fit mother. I'd expect her to be on social services radar as the hospital/ midwife should be flagging this to them.

There’s no way I could not say something in this situation.

It would probably end the friendship but I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.

My youngest was footling breech and I had it lined up to trial labour with an induction and an experienced at breech deliveries consultant on the understanding the first sign of trouble we went to c section (I was keen to avoid surgery). She decided to appear at 32 weeks so it was an EMCS after all but I read up all about footling breeches and even the less deadly risks around hip issues for the baby are so debilitating it’s not worth a risk.

At home too at 44 weeks - and most medical staff are so inexperienced at breech delivery as they are almost all sections these days - oh my god. What is she thinking of??

I'd let the doctors tell her. I imagine their word would carry more weight, unless you're an obstetrician.

@scottishlass43 if she’s not been scanned since 20 weeks how do they know for sure it’s a footling breech?

@Shehasadiamondinthesky totally agree.
OP she’s clearly not thinking of the baby here, she’s thinking of her ‘birth experience’. (I really think hypnobirthing has so much to answer for sometimes).

Anyway, no point trying to persuade her to think of the baby. Instead go for an angle focused on her. What’s it like to look after a brain damaged child. What help is there (not much). How does that impact on your life. Her Instagram version of motherhood (sorry if I’m being harsh) isn’t going to pan out.

Is a "footling" breech the same as a "flexed" breech - where the baby's knees are bent and with feet and bum are presenting?

My son was a flexed breech and I had to have an emergency C-section. He wasn't a very big baby either (6 and1/2 lbs).

She really needs to reconsider her stupid decision.

@SchadenfreudePersonified, it’s due the placenta. It starts to fail after 42 weeks in most cases. That’s why women aren’t usually ‘allowed’ to go over.

If she refuses to do anything else though, can you actually say the midwives are supporting it?

As PPs have said, she cannot be FORCED to do anything (and neither should someone be able to be forced), could it be that they are supporting HER rather than her ideas?

Surely it's better that she has some support even if they don't agree with her?

Her body her choice. Not one I would choose, but she is perfectly within her rights to so long as she has capacity.

The babies rights don't come into it and neither should they at this point. It hasn't yet been born - what do those of you who think babies rights should come first suggest? That anybody who goes against medical advise is forced to birth in a way they don't wish?

Don't start going all guns blazing at her if you want to remain friends. She doesn't have to have medical intervention against her will. You can gently point out studies but I can guarantee she will have some - potentially from dubious sources, that show her otherwise.

As for those saying social services- pppfffttt. Medical professionals are not allowed to contact social services because a mother refuses medical help during pregnancy unless there are other things that suggest, once born, the child could be in danger

I really hope she and her baby come through this safely.

44 weeks is a massive risk anyway let alone being breech! Both mine were overdue babies and ended up with c sections - I just wanted them out by that point 😅

I remember there was a lady next to be in the day ward refusing to be induced at 2 weeks+ late. The nurse was trying to tell her the risks of going so overdue and ended up calling someone more senior in. I think they did manage to convince her - couldn't help hear it all as it got a little heated!

I'm very surprised they've let her go so late and being breech!

I'm sorry to keep on OP, but even in your updates you haven't answered the question as to wether she still has movement?

Is she getting under medical care? The midwife ‘friend’ is a complete fuckwit.