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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting to tell 44 weeks and breech friend she's risking her baby?

738 replies

scottishlass43 · 12/12/2021 11:16

My friend is 44 weeks pregnant with a footling breech. She's determined to have a natural birth at home with another friend of ours who's a midwife. She's been declining all intervention till now and has no cut off point - she wants to let the baby come naturally and doesn't want scans or any monitoring. She refuses to consider a c-section.

She's older (late thirties) and has been waiting for several years for this baby. I have no idea why she'd risk it now.

AIBU wanting to tell her what I think? Am I (and other worried friends) overreacting? Does anyone know of anyone who's done this, and how it went?

OP posts:
RowanAlong · 12/12/2021 11:45

It’s not your business, no. Her choice.

Namenic · 12/12/2021 11:47

I think you should also talk to the midwife friend ( if you are in a position to do so) to seek legal advice. But granted, it might not be appropriate. I would try and find out why she would want to take these risks - does she disagree about the likelihood of bad outcome or is it some phobia? Has she been appropriately counselled about risk-benefit of her options?

Pinkywoo · 12/12/2021 11:48

I know women need to have bodily autonamy, but where are the babies rights in this situation? In any other situation a mother deliberately putting a four week old babies life at risk would be reported to social services or mental health authorities. Who is taking responsibility for this?

roarfeckingroarr · 12/12/2021 11:48

Holy hell. 44 weeks! She needs a C section yesterday.

Mittenmob · 12/12/2021 11:49

The 44 weeks thing wouldn't concern me too much. Both mine were induced at 42 and quite clearly had no intention of budging so I think I just cook them longer than most. I always wonder how long it would take to get them out.

But I do think ignoring medical monitoring of the situation is pretty foolish.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 12/12/2021 11:50

monstamio

So sad.

DropYourSword · 12/12/2021 11:50

@Pinkywoo

I know women need to have bodily autonamy, but where are the babies rights in this situation? In any other situation a mother deliberately putting a four week old babies life at risk would be reported to social services or mental health authorities. Who is taking responsibility for this?
It has no rights until it’s born. Legally she’s absolutely within her rights to do this.
TatianaBis · 12/12/2021 11:50

If it were me I’d give her a talking to.

drpet49 · 12/12/2021 11:50

This reply has been deleted

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OnceuponaRainbow18 · 12/12/2021 11:51

I would say something, and to her partner

Snaketime · 12/12/2021 11:51

The more I think about this the more I have to wonder does she already know there is a problem and doesn't want to face up to it and therefore doesn't want to give birth? I mean of she isn't having scans and you never mentioned wether she still has movement, it sound slike she doesn't want to face up to something.

Haffiana · 12/12/2021 11:51

I think you don't have all the facts.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 12/12/2021 11:52

@Pinkywoo

I know women need to have bodily autonamy, but where are the babies rights in this situation? In any other situation a mother deliberately putting a four week old babies life at risk would be reported to social services or mental health authorities. Who is taking responsibility for this?
The baby doesn’t have human rights until after it is born. It isn’t a 4 week old baby. It hasn’t been born yet.
MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 12/12/2021 11:52

@Haffiana

I think you don't have all the facts.
I’m inclined to agree.
ToughTittyWhompus · 12/12/2021 11:52

She’s already at huge risk of a stillbirth, and with the added complication of a footling breach, I’m sorry but your friend is a complete twat.

FreeBritnee · 12/12/2021 11:54

Is she being monitored? I’ve never heard of a 44 week pregnancy.

PlanBea · 12/12/2021 11:54

This thread is going to be stuck in my thoughts for some time. My DS was breech and huge and all my plans for a water birth and letting nature take its course got flung out the window when the doctor said "you can choose between an elective or emergency c section", ie if I don't go for the elective section is likely my natural birth will end up a section anyway. From then I came to terms that it was about having a baby, not about having my birth story.

That poor baby.

Cakeandcardio · 12/12/2021 11:54

I think it's common in hypnobirthing books to say to avoid medical intervention and wait until baby comes naturally. It was in the one I read. And while hypnobirthing worked great for me, it would still have been silly to take advice from a non medical professional. I hope for the best outcome for your friend. And yes, I would say something!

Cheerbear24 · 12/12/2021 11:54

I would have one last attempt and being very blunt with her and spelling it out then leaving her it it. I fear this won’t end well.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 12/12/2021 11:54

Incredibly dangerous. I’d be worried about your pregnant friend’s mental state as well as the (huge) physical risks if she is making these decisions.

Chachasha · 12/12/2021 11:55

Are you absolutely sure she is pregnant.

FrancescaContini · 12/12/2021 11:55

She’s crazy Shock

Branleuse · 12/12/2021 11:56

If shes had no interventions has she even been scanned

Soubriquet · 12/12/2021 11:57

Oh god. This is a nightmare.

Saying anything would make you look like an ass “you’re putting your baby in danger””you could kill your baby” etc but not saying anything is a risk too.

I truly hope her and her baby come through safely

Namenic · 12/12/2021 11:57

If she has been offered all options and understands the risk-benefit and can competently make a decision, I think it is up to her. But I would have expected consultant obstetricians and lawyers to have been involved? - in order to make sure all the right steps have been taken (make sure she is competent to consent/make decision). Perhaps you can ask her if she has talked it over with people in clinic/hospital?

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